I Forgive, I Move On, But I Never Forget

You say sorry. I smile. But, I still get a tingling feeling in my stomach every time I remember. It’s not the good kind of tingling either. Jolts of electricity are lighting up a black hole, throwing off my universe’s pendulum. Trying to forget the pain caused by someone who makes the same mistakes over and over, who hurts you over and over is like staring out the window while in a moving car. It’s easy to zone out and ignore everything for a while. Suddenly, the brakes are slammed and the calm car is forcefully brought to a lurching stop. You poked a hole in my heart again. You stabbed your knife and twisted it into my back. You punctured the lungs of my self-esteem again. I fall apart.  You apologize and hastily attempt to put me back together before someone notices. I forgive you and move on with my life, another stone branded on my mind. The cycle repeats. How can I leave something behind that keeps getting in my way? How can I breathe when you keep jumping down my throat? How can I learn to love myself when you interrupt my positive train of thought and expect me to love you more instead, even though you’re the one who made me this way?

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