Be Prepared (But Nothing Can Prepare You)

I miss the good old days

You know, when you could go entire seasons

Without worrying about being shamed

By others or yourself

For not shaving your legs, etcetera

Actually, who said that I aged out of the good days?

I shave when I want to

It’s my body

Basic health and hygiene are more important than beauty standards anyway

And your body is yours, so do what works for you

 

I don’t have a traditional model body type

Or an hourglass figure exactly

But I exist and am worth the world

Curves, moles, birthmarks, blemishes, the fat, the flat, and all

Invisible and faded, but still visible scars

 

They tell me to wear more makeup

So that my baby face will grow up

But personal freedom lies in personal preference

And most of the time, I prefer none

Sometimes, I prefer lipstick

Sometimes, I prefer full cover

If the occasion is extra special

They say that beauty takes time

But life is short, so I’m doing what I want

When I want to

Looking flawless is your own definition to write

 

My mind doesn’t easily operate efficiently

Sad until numb

Can’t always think straight

Breath doesn’t always march in time

With my heartbeat

Living often feels like dying

But that doesn’t mean my mentality is never healthy

I’m always tending to the flowers

One way or another

 

If I apologized for writing about certain topics

Too much for your taste

Such as love, unrequited love, and heartbreak

Then I’d be apologizing for having feelings

And growing from experiences

If I apologized for getting political

Or talking about a dark truth

That makes you uncomfortable,

Then I wouldn’t be my authentic self

And your insistence on ignorance is part of the problem

 

If your advice is meant to categorize,

I solemnly swear that it’s unsolicited

I’m a little bit of everything

Intensely chill

A chilling intensity

A lady

A minx

A shining example

A stubborn bitch

The familial, platonic, or romantic something more

The modern *insert avant-garde name here*

The quiet one who keeps surprising you

Let’s communicate

On the Outside of Introspection

I’m tired of feeling like I have to

Censor my truth

I’m the predator and the prey

Of my self-worth

Trust me, I’m more scared of myself

Than I am of you

 

Don’t let me go

Unless you’d rather use me

Than care about me

In that case, I’d be happy to lose you

If it means finding the better parts of me

 

I need time alone

Forlorn and proud

But I can’t stand being away

From those I love for too long

Some may call me clingy

At least my heart is genuine

I’d rather not be awake from dusk to dawn

Crying

 

I’m a synthesized sunset

With eyes that are windows

To every soul

Shy petals

Blooming and blossoming

From both lips

And between my hips

 

Deceive me once

Shame on me for giving my all to you

Deceive me again and again

For your personal gain

Fuck you

It’s not my responsibility to be you for you

 

I’m a future tattoo

A shard of stained glass

A bloodstained word vessel

Bursting at the seams

 

I’m the personification

Of a broken heart

That is slowly learning

To love itself

My head is so full of dreams

I’m in the process of flinging them

Into my reality

Until the nightmares and dead serotonin

Don’t stand a chance

 

I went from a little white lie

To an empty picture frame on a bedside table

Getting lonely

Anxiously waiting to be filled

With tattered memories

If you’re able to save me,

You’ll awaken my ability

To save you too

 

I’m a clean mess

A backyard ocean

An evanescent goddess

Imperfect, but fearless

On the inside

First Times

It’s a nice change

To be able to be alone

Without constantly feeling that way

There are wings in those clouds

And I’m about to fall out of the sky

Like the sun setting

Settling its light

Over a body of water

I finally love my body

Even though I may not always show it

 

I’m learning to put my sanity first

And let the universe handle the rest

The concept of perfection is irrelevant

When I have heartfelt imagination

Sometimes, I’ll cry

And feel lower than rising hellfire

But I’m still making my younger self proud

That shy, naive, energetic little girl

Is a woman confident in her smile and abilities now

 

”The one” doesn’t exist

There will be many in the process

There is only one right one

And there is no rush to find them

I think I may have found him

If his heart doesn’t beat the same

I’ll always have the memories, lessons, and stories

And other soul pieces

Me, myself, and I

Love unconditionally

 

The more the future hits the present

Like a hurricane devouring an island

The more I’m overcome

By mortality

I won’t let fear win

I’ve already lived through a multimillion dollar enterprise

Of original sin

The grim reaper was my first time

And won’t be my last

Travailing Across Galaxies

The feelings and words

Of unhappy youth

Speak thousands of words more

Than pictures from a happy childhood

 

People like to talk about loving yourself

Like it’s easy

Making the best of what you have

Like it’s easy

Defy any gravity that weighs you down

To follow your dreams

And live the life you’ve always wanted to live

Like it’s easy

Just be happy!

Just be positive!

I wish that all of these things

Were that easy

 

I heard through the grapevine

That Mercury is in retrograde

Sometimes, so is motivation

In mythology, Venus is the goddess of love and beauty

The perceived image, worth, and love of the self can vary

 

I heard on the news

That Earth is the main home for life

And deserves appreciation and care

The same goes for bodies and minds

Mars is red

We are blue

And we don’t always know why

 

Nowadays, what’s bigger than Jupiter?

Ego or heart?

What if Saturn’s rings were once considered a flaw

But became hot, trendy art

Once privileged, conventionally attractive moons figured out how to create them?

 

Who talks more

And who listens more

Who’s more open

Your eyes

Your mind

The chameleon sky

Or Uranus?

 

Smiles and silence

Can tell lies with integrity

I’ve had to swim

Through rough and calm waters

Of my subconscious

Bluer and colder than Neptune

I’ve had to make sacrifices

The good and bad kinds

Just to fully accept myself

For who I am

Every scar

Every star

 

Pluto is a planet

Like all of the other planets

It is still a part of the solar system

The almighty universe

Yet, it has been made to feel like it doesn’t exist

Somehow, less than

The removal or assignment of a label

Impacting its life forever

People are like that as well

 

I’ve been called an angel

That doesn’t make me less human

I’ve fallen from grace

Many times

I keep my wings in my heart

To lift it up when it’s hurting

I’ve probably helped you

Loaned you a piece of my silhouette

While I was hurting

You probably never realized it

Because I stay quiet about it

Until I’m feeling brave enough to write about it

 

Sometimes, I’m blunt

And can articulate like a prophet

What is chewing on my mind like bubblegum

With ease

But like miracles,

This is a rare occasion

I’m not an outspoken person

Most of the time,

I hide behind metaphors

Where the deepest pain of a poet always is

It took me twenty years

To acknowledge it

Mention it

Then, publicly reveal it

 

I’m still on this journey

One step at a time

There are still galaxies to discover

Better places to find

In my mind

In my life

 

Traveling and travailing

Haven’t been easy

They probably never will be

But experience teaches

How to lucid dream in reality

Don’t underestimate me

Worthless

I stare at myself

In the mirror

Hating what stares back

Pointing out all my flaws

And wishing for what I lack

My insecurities

Get the best of me

 

I don’t feel beautiful

I can’t do anything right

I’m not special

I don’t shine under any spotlight

I fall behind

The ones that are priceless

I’m just worthless

 

I sit and cry

I’m not important

If I had something to say

No one would care

I dream in nightmares

Because I’ll never be good enough

Not even for love

 

I don’t belong anywhere

I can’t try new things

I’m always scared

I want to be somebody

That’s worth something

 

My life is pointless

I should end it

I’m just worthless…

 

I stare at myself

In the mirror

Accepting what stares back

Ignoring all my “flaws”

And loving what I have

My insecurities

Do not define me

 

I feel beautiful

There’s a lot I’ve done right

I am special

I don’t need a spotlight

I’m far ahead of

The ones that are “priceless”

I am not worthless

 

I stand and smile

I am important

If I had something to say

There is always someone who cares

I dream sweetly of past nightmares

Because there’s no such thing as being enough

We all deserve love

 

I belong somewhere

I don’t have to try everything

But I won’t be drowned by my fears

Everybody is a somebody

Worth everything

 

My life is limitless

I should keep it

I am not worthless

Miserable At Best

If all is fair in love and war,

Then surely, I’m the underdog

Pouring my blood

Into wine glasses

Turning my thoughts

Into written vengeance

Rejection has never tasted so sweet

 

I took the advice

Went out on a limb

And managed to break every bone

I put myself out there

Donated my time to his cause

But he reaped the benefits

And I just felt drained

Might as well give myself a refill

 

Every girl you set your sights on

Was your angel

Your favorite

But now, I’m dancing with the devil

Slowly shedding my shy skin

Are you jealous?

 

Your favorite songs

Are about misery

Which is funny

Because that’s how you drowned me

And you didn’t even care

I’m not listening anymore

 

Love is a lovely word

Isn’t it?

Especially when everyone

You thought you could have loved

Treats you like shit

Time to flip this predicament

Upside down

And find other things to smile about

 

While you kiss her

I’ll be kissing my middle fingertip

While you hold her

I’ll be admiring the curves of my hips

While you live it up with her

I’ll pour fresh ink over my heart

And finally become one with someone else

Someone who far surpasses you

Someday

Pure

You wish that I would sit still

As you mold me

Use me

Try to control

My body and personality

But I am not your toy

I have better things to do

In my free time

 

You wish that I would stay silent

When you scrape away my dry flaws

Scratch my scars

Spit on me with dirty words

But I know how you are

And I’m brave enough

To speak up

 

You wish that I would listen

When you try to tell me how to live

That I would nod and smile

When you try to tell me how to feel

You say that I’ll break hearts

But the only heart

I’ve ever broken

Is my own

 

You wish that I would never grow up

Then, you wish I would

I am human like you

That’s the fact

You seem to have misunderstood

 

I can be young and wise

I can be old and reckless

I can be anything

That makes me happy

 

I am a microphone unchecked

A blank canvas

A wishing well of sex

A free spirit

Who will never rest

 

I am more than

A grocery list of insecurities

I am more than

A countdown of trends

I am more than

A slight feminine breeze

I am more than

Beginnings, middles, and ends

 

When I have a good cry

When I write my doubts away

When I can catch my reflection

And actually feel beautiful

When I can step into the shower

And wash away everyone’s expectations

That’s the purest form of me

You will ever see

Asylum

If only I knew how to be

Your definition of normal

But I would rather choose

Don’t want to be

One of your robotic people

In life today,

It is all about perfection

Perfect body

Perfect face

Perfect hair

Perfect everything

No one can be that way

And that is perfectly okay

 

Oh officer

Please take me away

I have committed a crime

I have no interest in drowning

In the fake lake

 

Call me crazy

I don’t care

Call me a loser

Bitch

Freak

Geek

I don’t care

Call me every damn name in the book

We should not be judged

Based only on looks

You won’t see me crying

But I’ll see you in the plastic asylum

 

I have these devils in my head

Trying to pull me under

Your criticizing thunder

Then, I have kind voices with capes

Who refuse to see me break

 

Go on, get a needle

Knock me out

I will always know

What I’m really about

 

It is the willpower

To be yourself

That makes you stand out

From everyone else