Autopsy

I returned from a war that never ends

Fighting a losing battle that I sometimes win

I want to be known, but invisible

Don’t say my name, but also do

My heart screams to the heavens

From the underworld

Raised to appreciate the spotlight and attention

But I need time to withdraw to survive

 

Confidence is my question that has no answer

“Just do this, just do that”

”Just be this, just be that”

”Just say this, just say that”

Listen, you can’t just throw me into open season

I am bold on my own terms

 

Shy to sassy like flicking a light switch

Writing mental prescriptions for adrenaline and sedatives

Naked in the sky with diamonds

Then, running to hide behind the next lunar eclipse

I’m not ready until I say so

But as soon as I am, you’ve got a big storm coming

 

An affinity for morbid humor and a habit of biting my tongue

A vice of a desire to hurt and a longing to heal

I’d rather cry every day than feel numb

I’m not afraid to be open anymore

Not completely unafraid though

But I’ll make it work

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Pious Hallway

Time always seems to move

Too fast or too slow

And when it stands still,

That’s when I need to move

It’s okay to be unsure

But the thought of being unsure forever

Terrifies me

 

I want to be seen for what I am

Not what my fear chooses to reveal

 

Am I wrong for believing

That several of my impossible ideas

Are actually possible?

Is the water that I dove into

Too deep or just right

For all of these new heights I’m reaching?

 

What if there is no other side

And we’re just told to make the best

Of what we don’t have

I’m over it

Yet, still stressed

Why am I like this?

 

I can’t be forced to feel what I don’t

 

You can’t fly without falling

But doesn’t falling lead to broken wings?

Then, how will you ever fly again?

We’re all going to die someday anyway

The flight won’t even last

 

I think it’s time to fight the power

That I didn’t choose

Bullet

I’ve been running

Away from anything that comes my way

I’ve been hiding

Behind every possible wall

I’ve been wishing

For all my dreams to come true someday

I need something

To push me forward

 

I don’t want to be so shy

How will I know what could be

If I never have the courage to try?

 

Teach me how to win

Against the speed of light

How to dance among the stars

Teach me how to never stop

Or else I won’t get very far

Show me how to not be an obstacle

To myself

Help me be fearless

To shoot across the world

Like a bullet

 

I have to quit

Caring what others think

I have to break this bad habit

Of dwelling on my past mistakes

Mean words pierce like knives

Jackasses crush whatever hope you have left

I shouldn’t let any of that

Kill my drive

 

I don’t want to be so shy

How will I know what could be

If I never have the courage to try?

 

They used to hold me down

Make me their target of oppression

Talk about me as if I wasn’t around

They’re just cowards

Reading the wrong set of directions

I am a champion

No more constant crying

Because I found my wings