Sadness

Using storm clouds as an umbrella

And they change colors like a mood ring

Haven’t been in love yet

Just loved and sometimes lonely

Been the poison and the victim

At war with thoughts that succeeded

At making me feel worthless

Spending a large part of my life

Believing lies

Even those told by my own brain

My bedroom is my ballroom

Where I try to get lost in music

Or words on paper

Instead of the shadows of myself

Falling out of the sky

With only my corpse to catch me

 

I’m told I’m loved

Even when I know I can be too much

I’m told I’m never too much

Even when I feel like I’m never enough

I’m told I’m more than enough

I don’t fully believe it

But I almost do

 

What’s real and what’s fabricated?

The love that exists all around me

That always has and always will

The beauty of my heart, mind, soul, and smile

That shines through, despite the breakage

All of that is irrevocably real

And the fabrication that causes I and millions of others to suffer

Is real and powerful as well

But it can be defeated throughout life’s moments

Because healing is not linear

 

Nowadays, if I can’t find a safe place,

I build one

I’ve never felt more like myself

Because this is me

I think I’ve finally struck a balance

Between loving and helping others

And myself

I cry when I’m hurting and when I’m not

And that’s okay

Because I’m taking care of myself,

Staying out of harm’s way

Clean isn’t easy

You can’t sugarcoat it

But my truth is that I’m grateful to still be alive

And writing this poem made me cry

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It’s a slow burn

That’s about to go up in flames

I’d walk through fire for that creative misery

 

Habitual in our insecurity and confidence

Can’t sleep without remembering

But I’ll sleep alone

Until I can sleep next to you

 

You dream at high speeds

I can keep up from right here for hours on end

 

Your energy is like breaking glass

And dancing on the shards with a smile

Surprisingly, I relate

Because I’m a summer ballerina

With a penchant for dancing in the dark

 

All of our friends are either wasted

Or passed out from exhaustion

We’re still awake, even though we’re tired too

Tonight is a brand new day

Online anger has no place

In our personal space

 

You’re all about me and I’m all about you

 

My head is in the clouds the majority of the time

It keeps me down to earth

When everyone else hates gravity

I remind me of you

You’re my best friend who I’ve never met

Maybe, hopefully, we just haven’t met yet

 

Single goals make for double trouble

We like it like that

Sailing a rainbow bloodstream

If we have to die, we’re going to die happy

Mission decided

Chameleon-type fashion, but make it love

 

Knight in rusted armor and with a free mind

Princess ditched her crown for freedom

More Than One Chosen One

It’s in the air

But I have to remember

To breathe

I don’t have to know right now

All truth steps into the light

In due time

 

Somewhere out there

Emerald rain city

I could be

I am

You could be

You are

We could be

We are

 

Deception is not worth suffering for

What if I was deceiving myself all along?

I made it on my own

And with help

Is that so wrong?

Never truly alone

Don’t want to end up alone

I do feel better than I used to though

 

Head so high up in the clouds

That I lost my mind for a while

I can still see my broken heart

From up here!

Healing is in my blood and bones

So, at least I know that I can

Keep myself alive

That’s all I need

To feel alive until I am

 

”Are you doing okay?”

It’s not like I enjoy feeling this way

Day by day

Night by night

Running out of time

When it’s in the palm of my hand

I can always feed the hourglass more sand

This life is mine

Please show me what I’ve been missing

Abstract Insides

I won’t let go

Of what makes me whole

Dreaming in circles

Quality over quantity love

Ideas are my shelter from my own storms

 

I am my body

I am my heart

I am my soul

Intuitive sands of time

Knowledge and realizations comprise the glass shards

Of my mind mirror

 

Creativity is my drug

Victories over my insecurities

Are the high

You can’t take that away from me

You want to fight fire with water

But what makes you think that you’re worthy?

 

My guts are a splattered masterpiece

A canvas on the edge

This internal bleeding

Is my ultimate form of artistic healing

Aura writing

You’re throwing harsh criticisms at me

Like pitchforks and torches

But I’m done running and hiding

 

I am an ever-evolving environment

You’re just a crumbling city

On the truth, my eyes are set

Why are you so focused on cutting me down

When the food on your own stove is burning

 

You are playing with fire

If you think for a moment

That you can strip away my humanity

You can unleash a nice person’s venom

If you’re an egotistic snake in the rubble

Playing the victim

 

Here I am

Here I stand

Keeping my flame alive

Burning bridges

Swallowing matches

Making the abstract

Concrete

Life Story

Young blood

Hiding out in the corner

A smile

That predicts a higher purpose

 

Warm blood

Standing center stage

An imagination

That unfurls the leaves

 

Hot blood

Retreating behind the emotional curtain

A bittersweet taste

Testing the waters

 

Cold blood

Settling above ground

A simmering electricity

That repeatedly shocks the world

When it boils over

 

Spilled blood

Breaking through the tear ducts

Splashing onto the page

Staining the walls

Under fading moonlight

A sense of self

Falling apart at the seams

An assortment of loose threads and ends meeting halfway

 

Pumping blood

Breathing into the heart

That sometimes stops beating

Painting the lips a new shade

Making them shyly smile

Awakening the imagination

That changes seasons

Giving fresh water

To soothe the bittersweet

Charging the electricity

To shower the sky

With solar power

Cleaner energy

 

A sense of self

Stitching up old wounds

Taking old scars and worn pages

And creating art

That touches the heart

Gentle and rough

Intricate details and imperfect endings

Make for the strongest new beginnings