What the Inside of a Broken Heart Looks Like

Do I still remember

Who the real me is?

Has there ever been a time

When I didn’t feel like

There’s something missing?

Body, mind, soul, and heart all connected

By a broken thread

 

All I know is that I don’t know

I either feel too much or nothing at all

And suddenly, I can’t breathe

 

Cold coffee from being left out and forgotten about

Leftover tear stains on the pillowcase

Visits to every type of doctor’s office more nerve wracking than before

I just want to be okay

Is that too much to ask?

 

Unable to admit when I need someone

Until I’m alone

I want to know what love is

So I can show myself that it exists

 

Legendary

What day is it?

They’re all starting to bleed together

I like growing my bangs out

So that they can’t see me cry

They hate it when I cry

It’s a painful sight

Imagine how I feel

 

Why hit me with your best shot

When you could just try not to hit me

I’m not who I used to be

I am unapologetically me

This hurts, but I know it will be worthwhile

I’ve been washed away

That’s when I found the sweetest shore

The needle in the haystack got swallowed by my heart

I can’t dance without tears in my eyes

 

How am I?

How am I?

How am I not insane?

All work and no play

Nearly killed me

All play and no work

Also nearly killed me

 

Awake and asleep at the same time

What time is it?

That’s dominated so much of my life

That it barely matters anymore

Am I starting to deteriorate again?

I swear that I didn’t mean to

 

I’m always at my best

After I fall apart

Why is that?

Bitter Whiskey Sour

Nothing about me is surface level

As good as I try to be and inherently am,

I’ll never be a perfect person

Back-to-back intense nightmares

Caused by intense insecurities

Leave me out of breath when I wake up

 

Sometimes, all I see is envy

I feel trapped by circumstances

Out of my control

Then, I let myself feel inferior to

Everyone living their lives

The ways that I want to live mine

It’s like bad people keep getting rewarded

And good people keep getting left in the dust

 

I don’t necessarily hold grudges

I recognize that forgiveness doesn’t equal forgetting

I don’t let bitterness run my life

So, I have the right to let myself feel it in the moment

To grieve

To turn writer’s block into an exposé

Made up of pretty sounding words

 

I can’t seem to concentrate

Unless I’m happy

All lemon juice, no sugar

What were you saying about lemonade?

What if that shit expired?

I feel safe in my headspace

And sometimes, I just don’t

I simply wish to enjoy my life

Without feeling like I’m wasting it

 

Copyright Unknown

I don’t always know what to say

I don’t always know what to do

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

I get lost and scared

I feel sad, hopeless, and anxious

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

Don’t trust inaccurate perception

 

You all claimed to know me so well

The truth is, you never knew me at all

My personality, interests, and dreams

Are too mutable to fit a mold

I only chase the sun when it shines

And when it rains, it pours and I cry

 

I haven’t believed in myself enough

I let fear drive me crazy

Now, I’m noticing a change

Nothing is flawless

But I finally know what happiness is

Don’t act like you know best

When you barely understand

What I’ve been through

What I’m still going through

When you don’t even try

 

Forever asking myself

Does this feel like me?

Priorities

Sunday sadness

Seeps into every day of the week

All my life,

Never realized

Because I didn’t understand yet

 

They told me I’m pretty

When I hated looking in the mirror

A picture perfect picture

Instead of a person

Today, my feelings are less mixed [up]

 

Worth it

Worth what?

Don’t tell me what to do

Unless I need you to

Maybe she’s worth it

Worth what?

Being broken like an attacked heart?

Don’t touch me

I’ll figure out how to fix me

 

They said be the best

What if that’s not what I can be?

They said try your best

I tried and tried and tried and…

I get worse instead of better

I hope that someday my tomorrow

Will have better weather

 

I have trouble letting go

Unless I’m on the edge of falling

Off the face of the brutal earth

Fighting to be happy

Fighting to live for as much as possible

 

I’m tired of losing track of chances

Giving them away until I don’t want them back

I’m so tired

Because I overthink

Instead of getting enough sleep

Help me

Save me

It’s never too late to drown

… I scare myself sometimes

 

Just because I’m sitting still

Doesn’t mean I’m not moving

The gears in my mind

Are always turning

Even when I have writer’s block

My stomach is often churning

And I forget to breathe

Tug-of-war between my head and heart

I don’t give up

Let me rest in peace

Feel

I guess I need to be fed lies

To stumble upon the truth

I guess I need to let the sadness

That makes me want to die

Become a part of who I am

For “happiness” and “alive”

To take on powerful meanings

Too undefined to set foot in a dictionary definition

It was no surprise

 

I love the light

I love the dark

I love-hate myself

Spin the bottle

It is empty

Because it is full of my loneliness and misery

 

I know what I want and need

I think I know who I want and need

At the same time,

Do I truly know anything?

I would defy logic, space, and time

For the satisfaction of a feeling

I give so much love

That I take any I can get in return

Acceptance is blindly beautiful sometimes

 

Sensitive until numb

Strength and weakness are interchangeable

Reality and illusions

Have correlation to me

If part of my billions of daydreams

Maybe I’m rich!

Maybe I made it!

I feel it

Somewhere

Treasure Sale

Why does keeping to myself

Make me a target

I wasn’t put on this earth

For your entertainment

I’m busy trying to be happy again

After a night of being drenched

In cold, blue blood

 

I don’t walk alone

To get close to you

I bury my true emotions

To make it through day-to-day life

I’m not what you need

If you only want me temporarily

 

I could write a library of books

On how to hide in your mind

Until you’re more lost

Than found

Instead, I choose to write about

Great escapes

Dream lovers

My moments of strength and weakness

 

Some actions simply can’t be forgiven

No matter what price tag is put on them

I prefer to push away good memories

If they led to poisonous experiences

Those who made an impact on me

Whether positive or negative

I can get over

But I can’t forget

A lot of my words don’t make sense to everyone

But they make sense to me

My soul’s gems