Belonging

I can’t help it

If I am simultaneously

Finding and losing myself

I don’t have much control

Over how quickly my heart

Beats

Falls

Breaks

Mends

 

Time’s breath always on my neck

 

Big dreamer with a quiet voice

Bedroom eyes with a savior’s soul

I have yet to know what it’s like

To love and be loved in return

Is that too much to ask for?

Jealousy disguised as roses

My light as strong as gnarled thorns

As everyone around me has beautiful experiences

They know I’m here, but I’m invisible

I don’t trust just anybody with my darkness

 

Time’s breath holding my hair in a clenched fist

 

Laughing

Crying

Living

Dying

Listening

Observing

Yearning

Ignoring

 

You can’t force me to be an open book

Yet, whenever I am, it’s shocking

Guess the truth is out

Innocent girls make the best headlines

Fortunately, I’m not extra

You can read all about it

Next time you want to chase a waterfall

The fish are waiting

 

Time’s breath ghosting over my lips

 

Wishing

Hoping

Understanding

Pain is all-knowing

 

Time’s breath settling between my legs

 

Sobbing

Smiling

Believing

Time’s breath inflating

My lungs

Morose clouds hanging

Over my head

A vintage silver lining

I belong to me

Seasons go by

People will come and go in life

But that truth stands the test of time

Tribute to Words

a feather collage of paper

is a wordplayground

technological Big Bang

portal to new dimensions

fear is in bees and butterflies

they drop ounces of it into flowers

the comorbidly colored roses bravely bloomed

just like you

there is so much to say

 

words words words words

beautiful ugly magnificent absurd

sinful saviors

unfavorite colors

forevers and nevers

complicated simplicity

he danced until he fell down

she screamed what her heart is all about

they started a riot

worthy of an acceptance letter

to the University of Heaven

 

cruising through the underground

rhythm found

in silence and sound

boulders thrown at your window

at 2 a.m

pumpkin hours

speeches of endearment

spilling out from underneath eyelids

 

a sunset saw me smile

guilty yet so innocent

 

droughts in throats

floods of ink destroying the pen dam

shocked little lamb

the fire of last night

was hungover the next morning

refused to take a shower

brain warden shouted with generous anger

here’s your damn beach towel

 

sometimes scribbles that make negative infinity sense

can make all the sense we need

and so we sleep

Secrets

Maybe I’m tired

Of waking up on the floor

Maybe I’m tired

Of being a fighter

Maybe I’m tired

Of crying

Maybe I’m tired

Of trying

Maybe I’m just tired

 

The world’s a mess

But so am I

Walls come down

And I just lie

 

I told you

About the little things

That always make me smile

But I didn’t tell you

That I broke down last night

I keep telling you

That the future is bright

But I never tell you

About the times

I picked up the knife

 

Maybe I’m fine

Always being alone

Maybe I love you

More than you could ever know

Maybe I want to write down

All the stories I never told

Maybe all I need

Is a hand to hold

Maybe I’ll never stop

Pushing you away

Maybe one day

You will stay

 

Hearts are breaking

Open your eyes

My will to live is dying

And I just hide

 

They know me

But they don’t see me

They tell me the truth

But they don’t show me

All I can do

Is be there for you

 

I know the little things

That always make you smile

Last night, we smiled until it hurt

I told you about that time

I put down the knife

Together, we can heal

We will be alright

Even the strongest

Are weak sometimes

Rewind

I look cheerful on the outside

But on the inside,

I’m a total mess

I always feel so invisible

Miserable

 

But then I think back to that one time

So can’t I start over?

Can’t I rewind?

 

I just want to be that happy girl

Dancing around without a care in the world

I just want to play back that moment

When I was free to be me

Just wish I could turn back time

And rewind

This life

 

Every time I’m in a crowd

I can’t speak

No sound comes out

I miss when it all came so easily

My whole self would completely flow

So naturally

 

But then I think back to that one time

So can’t I start over?

Can’t I rewind?

 

Whenever I’m trapped

Whenever I sink to the ground

In frustration

It’s time to remember

That I wasn’t always like this

 

Go back

Rewind

To when you could

Unwind