Assistant Vision Board

Your spotlight is invalid

Because you use him and others

To obtain it

That’s why it upsets you

When anyone questions it

 

You’re okay with anybody’s feelings getting hurt

Except yours

Not everyone believes you

But you’re still happy

Since you convinced enough people

To stroke your snake skin

In return, you reward their delusion

 

You give him no space

And treat social media presence

Like it’s some kind of race

You spout hypocrisy like a geyser

And support your fellow freeloaders

You and him don’t even have anything in common

Except for not acting your ages

You keep him immature

To act like his mother- I mean, doting lover

And proclaim him as the love of your life

You can’t wait to have the status

That would come with being his wife

Yet, you cheated on your previous boyfriend to get here

 

You’ve always had a vision board

A master plan

Kept him on the side

Until you had the perfect opportunity to strike

You’re always in need of an assistant

As an opportunist, you slithered into his heart

And thought “tag, you’re it”

All he’s ever wanted was love

But you weren’t worth the wait

With all of your mind games

And the need to always be in control

To always have the upper hand

In a fight that was never fair to begin with

 

You would hang him out to dry

Leave his mental health to die

If he tried to escape

Because that would threaten

Your “ideal” career and lifestyle

On camera, you slap him, yell at him, berate him, and belittle him

You are manipulative out in the open

Ban his interests unless they benefit your special ones

Keep him away from his real friends and close to yours

What goes on behind closed doors?

If the roles were reversed,

He would be crucified

Wrong Colors

Invaders of my sanity

Do you even know

How wrong you are?

Can you even fucking comprehend

How small you make me feel?

Do you honestly care

As much as you keep saying you do?

What are your true colors?

They keep changing

Our normal is unhealthy

 

You tell me to be free

Then push me back into a box

Feeling trapped is an understatement

I’m broken until I’m not me

 

You would let me fall off a cliff

If I didn’t settle for your demands

Your downpour of excuses

Your polluted apologies

Your dead on arrival promises

 

You’re not helping me

By hurting me

You’re not healing me

By slicing open scars

More than I ever did

Why should I want to live

If I’m slowly dying inside like this?

 

I love you

I’m tired of trying to get through to you

I appreciate the good you do

I’m tired of my mind internalizing

All of the battles

That you put me through

I still need you

But I won’t let my yellow light

Be overcome by your dark gray matter

This Rubik’s cube is the poster child

For sweet only to the public

Bittersweet toxicity

I Forgive, I Move On, But I Never Forget

You say sorry. I smile. But, I still get a tingling feeling in my stomach every time I remember. It’s not the good kind of tingling either. Jolts of electricity are lighting up a black hole, throwing off my universe’s pendulum. Trying to forget the pain caused by someone who makes the same mistakes over and over, who hurts you over and over is like staring out the window while in a moving car. It’s easy to zone out and ignore everything for a while. Suddenly, the brakes are slammed and the calm car is forcefully brought to a lurching stop. You poked a hole in my heart again. You stabbed your knife and twisted it into my back. You punctured the lungs of my self-esteem again. I fall apart.  You apologize and hastily attempt to put me back together before someone notices. I forgive you and move on with my life, another stone branded on my mind. The cycle repeats. How can I leave something behind that keeps getting in my way? How can I breathe when you keep jumping down my throat? How can I learn to love myself when you interrupt my positive train of thought and expect me to love you more instead, even though you’re the one who made me this way?

All About You

It’s not fair

I’m stuck behind your spotlight

How can I possibly breathe?

Your need for attention

Is suffocating me

You please the crowd

I wait in the wings

I try to calm your craving

Never changes anything

 

Why is it all about you?

What about me?

Always trying to make you happy

I’ve been wasting all of my time

Giving you mine

This isn’t the way that it should be

When it’s all about you

 

I’m blinded

By your menacing light

Frozen

By your judging eyes

Have you forgotten

Why I’m even with you

 

You don’t listen to what I say

Unless it’s a compliment

To add to your day

You don’t care if I’m broken

Only my imagination

Has you with loving arms

Wide open

Her Favorite Fool

There’s more to her than you think

That sweetness is false

She’s been well taught

She may want you

But she doesn’t really love you

You’re not the only one

You must be the most blind

 

You say she listens

She’s thinking about someone else

You say she understands

You’re not her only man

You say she cares

If you knew the real her

You’d be scared

Can’t you see

Why won’t you see

She uses you like a tool

You’re her favorite fool

 

She’s playing with your mind

She’s one of those girls

That has no problem

With leaving you behind

You think she’s the best thing

That’s ever happened to you

When she’s really the worst

 

You mean absolutely nothing to her

You’re just a fun thing

For her to toy with

If you left her first

She’d learn a lesson

That love isn’t for liars

 

She’ll crack your heart

Like dropped pieces of glass

She wouldn’t miss you

You’d only be some guy

From the past

 

Learn to play

By your own rules

You shouldn’t be

Her favorite fool