Sensitive

I could never be stoic

It’s impossible

I’ve got the world on my shoulders

And the world’s emotions in my heart

Being sensitive doesn’t mean

That I’m stupid, weak, or naive

My heart beats for love

And that gives me all of the strength

That I could ever need

You don’t know what I’m thinking

But I know how you’re feeling

Because I likely feel it too

Tender and tough

I won’t hide how I feel

Or how you make me feel

For your comfort

I feel with my whole body

Taking over all of my thoughts

Never really over

I’m a sensitive soul

Must be where my wisdom comes from

There is no textbook

That can teach you life lessons

There is no shame or abnormality

In having and showing feelings

It’s contagious

Overwhelmed with tears, smiles, screams, conversations, and silence

It’s not easy

But I wouldn’t change it

I was born ready

Therapy Session With Myself

Damn, where is time going?

I’m seriously starting to think that it’s not just me

It gets tiring and stressful

And hard to find the right words to start

I need to start surrounding myself

With more positive vibes and energy

Because I’ve been experiencing

So much personal inner turmoil

And absorbing all of the negativity around me lately

I need to better practice self-care,

Throw myself into my passions,

And apply that same work ethic

To my responsibilities

I need to be more open with the people

Who both care about me and can understand

Exactly what I’m going through

I need to remember

That I don’t have to fight every battle

And deal with everything alone

I could love myself more,

But I don’t hate myself

I need to not be so hard on myself

Because not everything is my fault

And when something is my fault and/or I could improve,

I need to stop burying it

Until it explodes later on

I have the power

To make certain changes in my life

And I need to practice what I preach

Only then, will I reach my full potential

And truly feel healthy

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

Socially

Spiritually

The Unsolved Elixir

Medicating the medicine

More than fifty states of mind

Talk about their god complex

What about my savior one?

Want to be right so bad

That you lean the wrong way

 

No cure

Just temporary fixes

Massive build-ups and releases

“Crying doesn’t solve anything”

Sometimes, it solves everything

 

Closed heart surgery

The head and the heart

Oh how they fall apart

We all fall apart

We all fall down

Rise back up

And fall back down

Monochrome

Color

Paint

Draw

Color

By number

All the same

In a simple way

 

Productivity

A mountain to climb

A hill to die on

An illusion to survive on

 

Feelings shiver and shake

Like earthquakes

Changing the groundwork

Laid by heathens and heroes

 

Seeing red

Seeing green

Seeing blind

Seeing the light

One day

Sometimes

At last

War Stories

Tenderhearted until a violent amendment feels threatened

Why are we always so close, but so far

When it comes to safety laws?

Yes, we’re triggered by the trigger

Because the trigger is a serial killer

Firing nonstop like the spreading of wildfire

 

All this talk about making the future great

While the future gets murdered

In cold blood by the cold-blooded

Are you happy?

Are you proud?

 

The gesture is nice, but it isn’t the cure

There’s enough thoughts and prayers

To last a lifetime cut short

Guns don’t save the world

People do

Hopefully, there will be enough left

No matter what, enough is enough

Of the violence, hate, ego, greed, and fear mongering

 

Where is the limit?

We thought it was young schoolchildren

But apparently, the limit does not exist

 

It may be normalized

But it will never be normal

They’d rather blame the mentally ill

Than help them

They’d rather profit from lives lost

Than prevent them from being lost

 

Where is the love that’s constantly preached about?

Words fall through the cracks

When action falls behind

Keep hope alive

Even if it’s relying on life support

Because somehow, more value is placed on immediate money

Than basic morality

 

How many more?

There shouldn’t be any more

 

No hard feelings (actually, maybe quite a few)

Ignoring a problem

Has never solved it

Shocking, but not surprising

Never less heartbreaking or horrifying

An epidemic of repeated history

 

It seems to hit closer and closer to home

One of my biggest fears is now who will be the next body to fall

Someone I know?

Mine?

And I’m not the only one

How is that fair?

How is that acceptable?

Victories are significant

In the battle of good and evil

Sadness

Using storm clouds as an umbrella

And they change colors like a mood ring

Haven’t been in love yet

Just loved and sometimes lonely

Been the poison and the victim

At war with thoughts that succeeded

At making me feel worthless

Spending a large part of my life

Believing lies

Even those told by my own brain

My bedroom is my ballroom

Where I try to get lost in music

Or words on paper

Instead of the shadows of myself

Falling out of the sky

With only my corpse to catch me

 

I’m told I’m loved

Even when I know I can be too much

I’m told I’m never too much

Even when I feel like I’m never enough

I’m told I’m more than enough

I don’t fully believe it

But I almost do

 

What’s real and what’s fabricated?

The love that exists all around me

That always has and always will

The beauty of my heart, mind, soul, and smile

That shines through, despite the breakage

All of that is irrevocably real

And the fabrication that causes I and millions of others to suffer

Is real and powerful as well

But it can be defeated throughout life’s moments

Because healing is not linear

 

Nowadays, if I can’t find a safe place,

I build one

I’ve never felt more like myself

Because this is me

I think I’ve finally struck a balance

Between loving and helping others

And myself

I cry when I’m hurting and when I’m not

And that’s okay

Because I’m taking care of myself,

Staying out of harm’s way

Clean isn’t easy

You can’t sugarcoat it

But my truth is that I’m grateful to still be alive

And writing this poem made me cry

Autopsy

I returned from a war that never ends

Fighting a losing battle that I sometimes win

I want to be known, but invisible

Don’t say my name, but also do

My heart screams to the heavens

From the underworld

Raised to appreciate the spotlight and attention

But I need time to withdraw to survive

 

Confidence is my question that has no answer

“Just do this, just do that”

”Just be this, just be that”

”Just say this, just say that”

Listen, you can’t just throw me into open season

I am bold on my own terms

 

Shy to sassy like flicking a light switch

Writing mental prescriptions for adrenaline and sedatives

Naked in the sky with diamonds

Then, running to hide behind the next lunar eclipse

I’m not ready until I say so

But as soon as I am, you’ve got a big storm coming

 

An affinity for morbid humor and a habit of biting my tongue

A vice of a desire to hurt and a longing to heal

I’d rather cry every day than feel numb

I’m not afraid to be open anymore

Not completely unafraid though

But I’ll make it work

Good Luck from My Heart to Yours

I lost the lottery all by myself

I hope you’re proud

You just laughed and called me your world

We do this all the time

And it always gets better

 

You spin me around like your dizzy head

We build towering cities

After jumping off cliffs

It’s perfect because it isn’t

Apology accepted

Let’s do it again

 

I like how your eyes sparkle

Even when there’s no light

I like the way you think

When you think that no one’s watching

Maybe I like how much I love you

 

Fast forward to the rewind

Have you ever smiled and meant it

This much in your life?

You’re a great driver

For turning right into mine

That’s what I hope you’ll someday want to be

How do you like your eggs in the morning?

I want to know everything

Hot Take

Get lost

I’ll never stop searching

See?

You polarize me

I’ll go

But the more I stay, the more you’re worth it

 

I’m capable of dying inside

More than you dye your hair

When you’re near,

I see the world in its spinning color wheel

 

I’m not leaving

Your love only leaves me alone

When I need to be

How many more words can I use to describe

How grateful I am for you

 

Confession:

I now write to you

By writing about you

I forgot how to breathe, but you reminded me

You enlightened my opening eyes

You are the dream that sets the scene

 

Your hands are inspirational

These days come and go in waves

You might be the answer

To the questions that I overthink about

 

I could be that person

I could be that saving grace

What we’re growing into is amazing

We don’t take sides

We give

Dancing With Moonshine

Because I write with so much feeling,

I can only write when I am feeling

Just taking a break hits me with withdrawal

Like I’m somebody that doesn’t even exist

This is my passion

This is my thing

Structured society may have career questions

But quitting is out of the question

 

I live for oxymorons and irony

There’s never just one right or wrong answer

What’s obvious

And what isn’t shown, but is true

 

If you catch me shivering,

Then I gave myself chills

My blood ran until it got cold

Or both

Walking in summer’s winter wonderland

Hand in hand with an invisible…

Good morning!

 

Carnival of the downward spiral

The occasional fairy light

The consequences are unlimited

Falling down voids that seem endless

They said that there will be blood

They said that there will be war

But not if a different voice is listened to

A different path taken

 

It’s raining bullets and beating hearts

Sedate my toxic imaginary friend

I could be a weapon of mass destruction

Yet, here stands the raw, unfiltered me

A vessel of mass compassion

 

I freestyle my way

Through the mazes of authority

That disguises itself as strong leadership

Suddenly noticing that I can’t stop smiling

Because I wrote a wonderful life