Autopsy

I returned from a war that never ends

Fighting a losing battle that I sometimes win

I want to be known, but invisible

Don’t say my name, but also do

My heart screams to the heavens

From the underworld

Raised to appreciate the spotlight and attention

But I need time to withdraw to survive

 

Confidence is my question that has no answer

“Just do this, just do that”

”Just be this, just be that”

”Just say this, just say that”

Listen, you can’t just throw me into open season

I am bold on my own terms

 

Shy to sassy like flicking a light switch

Writing mental prescriptions for adrenaline and sedatives

Naked in the sky with diamonds

Then, running to hide behind the next lunar eclipse

I’m not ready until I say so

But as soon as I am, you’ve got a big storm coming

 

An affinity for morbid humor and a habit of biting my tongue

A vice of a desire to hurt and a longing to heal

I’d rather cry every day than feel numb

I’m not afraid to be open anymore

Not completely unafraid though

But I’ll make it work

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Good Luck from My Heart to Yours

I lost the lottery all by myself

I hope you’re proud

You just laughed and called me your world

We do this all the time

And it always gets better

 

You spin me around like your dizzy head

We build towering cities

After jumping off cliffs

It’s perfect because it isn’t

Apology accepted

Let’s do it again

 

I like how your eyes sparkle

Even when there’s no light

I like the way you think

When you think that no one’s watching

Maybe I like how much I love you

 

Fast forward to the rewind

Have you ever smiled and meant it

This much in your life?

You’re a great driver

For turning right into mine

That’s what I hope you’ll someday want to be

How do you like your eggs in the morning?

I want to know everything

Hot Take

Get lost

I’ll never stop searching

See?

You polarize me

I’ll go

But the more I stay, the more you’re worth it

 

I’m capable of dying inside

More than you dye your hair

When you’re near,

I see the world in its spinning color wheel

 

I’m not leaving

Your love only leaves me alone

When I need to be

How many more words can I use to describe

How grateful I am for you

 

Confession:

I now write to you

By writing about you

I forgot how to breathe, but you reminded me

You enlightened my opening eyes

You are the dream that sets the scene

 

Your hands are inspirational

These days come and go in waves

You might be the answer

To the questions that I overthink about

 

I could be that person

I could be that saving grace

What we’re growing into is amazing

We don’t take sides

We give

Dancing With Moonshine

Because I write with so much feeling,

I can only write when I am feeling

Just taking a break hits me with withdrawal

Like I’m somebody that doesn’t even exist

This is my passion

This is my thing

Structured society may have career questions

But quitting is out of the question

 

I live for oxymorons and irony

There’s never just one right or wrong answer

What’s obvious

And what isn’t shown, but is true

 

If you catch me shivering,

Then I gave myself chills

My blood ran until it got cold

Or both

Walking in summer’s winter wonderland

Hand in hand with an invisible…

Good morning!

 

Carnival of the downward spiral

The occasional fairy light

The consequences are unlimited

Falling down voids that seem endless

They said that there will be blood

They said that there will be war

But not if a different voice is listened to

A different path taken

 

It’s raining bullets and beating hearts

Sedate my toxic imaginary friend

I could be a weapon of mass destruction

Yet, here stands the raw, unfiltered me

A vessel of mass compassion

 

I freestyle my way

Through the mazes of authority

That disguises itself as strong leadership

Suddenly noticing that I can’t stop smiling

Because I wrote a wonderful life

Living a Dream

No revelation arrives quickly or easily

I’m not fine

I don’t have to try or lie

I just am

 

Can’t tell if the bigger mess is all around me

Or inside me

I break down until I can sleep

Eventually, my axis returns to rotating normally

 

Thinking about reminders

That state how a day in the life

Doesn’t define the whole life

 

I keep a tight grip

On everything that has changed and shaped me

Into who I am proud of today

Who I love

I belong in a place

Where I can explore without getting lost

And take breaks without getting stuck

 

I used to believe that my misery

Was set in stone

But neither suffering nor healing

Should be lonely or precise

 

Positivity is not a constant state of happy

Social media and marketing are misleading you

Every emotion exists for a reason

But not everything happens for a reason

Bitter Whiskey Sour

Nothing about me is surface level

As good as I try to be and inherently am,

I’ll never be a perfect person

Back-to-back intense nightmares

Caused by intense insecurities

Leave me out of breath when I wake up

 

Sometimes, all I see is envy

I feel trapped by circumstances

Out of my control

Then, I let myself feel inferior to

Everyone living their lives

The ways that I want to live mine

It’s like bad people keep getting rewarded

And good people keep getting left in the dust

 

I don’t necessarily hold grudges

I recognize that forgiveness doesn’t equal forgetting

I don’t let bitterness run my life

So, I have the right to let myself feel it in the moment

To grieve

To turn writer’s block into an exposé

Made up of pretty sounding words

 

I can’t seem to concentrate

Unless I’m happy

All lemon juice, no sugar

What were you saying about lemonade?

What if that shit expired?

I feel safe in my headspace

And sometimes, I just don’t

I simply wish to enjoy my life

Without feeling like I’m wasting it

 

Enhanced Dimensions

Could be a paradox

How sleeping can either kill you

Or help you live longer

The seasons changed

But my mind did not

On the contrary, my energy shifted

Quite a lot

You’re only a good listener

If you truly listen

When someone tells you the truth

About you

Meanwhile, dreaming about thoughts

And thinking about dreams

 

I never said that I was always right or wrong

Just trying to put myself out there

Bare my soul

Without losing sight of myself

And what matters most

 

If there’s someone out there

Watching over me

From another space or time,

Please give me a hint

About who you are

That I didn’t truly see

Who’s been in front of me all along

Because I’ve swallowed so many hard pills

That I’m dehydrated

Maybe just one more…

 

Patience saved me

I know that I’m happy

In another world

But I want to be happy here too

Because this is my home

I deserve that at least