Bitter Whiskey Sour

Nothing about me is surface level

As good as I try to be and inherently am,

I’ll never be a perfect person

Back-to-back intense nightmares

Caused by intense insecurities

Leave me out of breath when I wake up

 

Sometimes, all I see is envy

I feel trapped by circumstances

Out of my control

Then, I let myself feel inferior to

Everyone living their lives

The ways that I want to live mine

It’s like bad people keep getting rewarded

And good people keep getting left in the dust

 

I don’t necessarily hold grudges

I recognize that forgiveness doesn’t equal forgetting

I don’t let bitterness run my life

So, I have the right to let myself feel it in the moment

To grieve

To turn writer’s block into an exposé

Made up of pretty sounding words

 

I can’t seem to concentrate

Unless I’m happy

All lemon juice, no sugar

What were you saying about lemonade?

What if that shit expired?

I feel safe in my headspace

And sometimes, I just don’t

I simply wish to enjoy my life

Without feeling like I’m wasting it

 

Description

I am alone and not alone

At the same damn time

I set boundaries

And sometimes let people break them

Without realizing

I’m a mess and okay with that

Also, I’m not okay with that

I feel both dead and alive

Remind me that you love me on sight

Maybe I’ll believe you

I can’t be optimistic

Without being pessimistic

And I can’t be pessimistic

Without being optimistic

I have a lot of feelings

Not all of them are even mine

Warm Winter

Time is money

Survival is money

Money is made from death

So it seems that we must die

Just to live

 

Working for needs

Working for wants

Working for reasons

Working for others

Working for self

On self

 

Time is an illusion

But it flies like a bird

With broken wings

Did all the smiles

Mean anything?

Did all the tears cried

Mean anything?

 

If only

The only way was up

The more often that happiness is forced,

The more debt accumulates

Angels and devils

Dancing on your grave

Demons holding your hand

All the way up or down

 

The younger years

Tend to feel so long ago

Even when you’re still young

Do you ever wake up

And forget who you are?