No Faith in Immortality

I tried to warn you

But you wouldn’t listen

This is part of who I am

You judged me all wrong

Caverns cave in

 

You can’t live my life for me

Or live vicariously through me

No matter how much you may want to

When I’m ready to go,

Let me go

Light and darkness spinning inside me

Vertigo dance of the broken healer

 

I don’t want to live forever

But my soul does

I don’t want to die

But sometimes I do

What’s a birth

Without a rebirth?

 

My dreams haven’t changed

They’ve been amended

To make me happier

And feel more possible

Island

What’s the problem?

Self care took a vacation

What’s living good for now?

Waking up stopped being exciting

Overdosed on temporary happiness

Until permanently sad

The world is spinning too fast now

Some people leaving a bad taste

Bored without control over another

Inverted mirror

Evidence out in the open

One true purpose

Start saying no to the yes men

What’s the solution?

A problem can escalate to a crisis

But it doesn’t have to be battled alone

Especially when the battle is constant

Please stick around

One day, paradise will be visible

Like open eyes

So Worried // No Worries

I was encouraged to grow up too fast

I didn’t know I had a choice

That opportunity was always taken away

Until it was buried six feet under

Until I can only be free

One night at a time

And even that sometimes feels wrong

Because that darkness is too dark

I can’t win

Everyone says I am light

Therefore, I am

But that’s just not always the case

I accept death

Yet, the thought still rattles my hollow bones

And breaks my broken heart

To this day, there is nobody

Other than me

Who knows me inside out

Who can read me

 

 

Criticism and love are not the same

Love doesn’t leave bruises and cuts

On the skin or soul

I can’t take c’ est la vie

Or carpe diem “advice” seriously

You don’t know what it’s like

Until it happens to you

Or someone you love

A stigma cannot be fought

By adding to it

I am a scar

I’ve written about this before

Why am I so quiet?

Well, I’m not anymore

You’re just not listening

Unless the words are what you want to hear

Why are you so loud

Without thinking or empathizing?

Between a Silver Lining and a Hard Place

Aged to perfection

And forever young

Followed by storm clouds

And rays of sunlight

I tried to be someone I’m not

I’m finding someone who I lost

I have open scars from wolves

I’m shedding my naivety

I wish that I followed my intuition every day

I’m trusting myself to be okay

I drowned in my tears

I’m swimming around my soul

I couldn’t save myself

I am saving myself

Torn into pieces

I am my own catch 22

My heart is chronically swollen

But I wouldn’t have it any other way

Shameless Liability

Am I an important person in your life

Or just a guilty pleasure?

Am I here to provide meaning

Or validation?

I don’t need your approval

You could honestly learn from me

 

Sorry you got bored of me

Your loss

Sorry I was too much

Your loss

Sorry I wasn’t enough

Your loss

I almost changed for you

What was I thinking?

I never conform

Unless it’s an emergency

All I can ever be is me

 

I feel with the force of nature

I break down side-by-side

With extreme weather

I’ve sacrificed more for the betterment of others

Than for myself

So, my puzzle is missing several pieces

When it comes to walking away,

I’m always late

I’ve lived for so long

So timid and afraid

Being okay with being weak

Before I considered leaving,

They’d already walked all over me

 

In spite of it all,

My heart has only grown with me

I’m taking my power back

Setting fire to the past

I’m half dead, half alive

Unashamed of my inner tug-of-war

If I say I love or care about you,

I mean it with everything I have in me

I am time’s acid-tongued enemy

Patience

I see signs in everything

To the point where I begin to see stars

What does it mean

To have life all figured out

Surely, that truth is a dirty liar

 

I feel trapped in paradise

But the thing is, it is not paradise

I was only told it was

I was stuck in a box

To be kept from thinking outside of it

 

I hear a voice in my mind

It has grown up with me

Hated myself with me

Loved myself with me

Together, we are free

 

I believe in change

At some point, it becomes for the better

There is time to wait

To move on, give up, stay strong

Just know that I am the one in control

Life Story

Young blood

Hiding out in the corner

A smile

That predicts a higher purpose

 

Warm blood

Standing center stage

An imagination

That unfurls the leaves

 

Hot blood

Retreating behind the emotional curtain

A bittersweet taste

Testing the waters

 

Cold blood

Settling above ground

A simmering electricity

That repeatedly shocks the world

When it boils over

 

Spilled blood

Breaking through the tear ducts

Splashing onto the page

Staining the walls

Under fading moonlight

A sense of self

Falling apart at the seams

An assortment of loose threads and ends meeting halfway

 

Pumping blood

Breathing into the heart

That sometimes stops beating

Painting the lips a new shade

Making them shyly smile

Awakening the imagination

That changes seasons

Giving fresh water

To soothe the bittersweet

Charging the electricity

To shower the sky

With solar power

Cleaner energy

 

A sense of self

Stitching up old wounds

Taking old scars and worn pages

And creating art

That touches the heart

Gentle and rough

Intricate details and imperfect endings

Make for the strongest new beginnings

Unadulterated Goddess

She will lift a Persian rug

To sweep your soul out from underneath it

She will bring you to life

By taking your breath away

She rations her heart

To heal the world

Especially if she sees herself in you

Past, present, or future

 

She is the deep sea

In your shallow pond

She is the velvet cherry

That tops the avalanche

She is calm, jasmine rain

In a hectic city

Of plastic nicotine fog

 

She is neither a saint

Or a sinner

Instead, an ongoing series of moments

In the middle

She swims in a fountain of youth

Wearing only a thick skin

That has enabled her survival

Through the ages

 

She sees good in the bad

Will give all she has

Until the truth is blinding

And she realizes that there’s more

Than what bubbles at the surface

Beneath the earth’s core

 

She is clumsy grace

She is intelligent naivety

A hidden beauty

Her mind and body are elusive

The mystery that intrigues you

Because she sleeps between the stars

Cuddling the moon and sun

Admiring all the emotional battles

She has won

She simply is

Who could ask the universe for more?

 

Passionate

Imperfect

In full bloom

Unadulterated

Miserable At Best

If all is fair in love and war,

Then surely, I’m the underdog

Pouring my blood

Into wine glasses

Turning my thoughts

Into written vengeance

Rejection has never tasted so sweet

 

I took the advice

Went out on a limb

And managed to break every bone

I put myself out there

Donated my time to his cause

But he reaped the benefits

And I just felt drained

Might as well give myself a refill

 

Every girl you set your sights on

Was your angel

Your favorite

But now, I’m dancing with the devil

Slowly shedding my shy skin

Are you jealous?

 

Your favorite songs

Are about misery

Which is funny

Because that’s how you drowned me

And you didn’t even care

I’m not listening anymore

 

Love is a lovely word

Isn’t it?

Especially when everyone

You thought you could have loved

Treats you like shit

Time to flip this predicament

Upside down

And find other things to smile about

 

While you kiss her

I’ll be kissing my middle fingertip

While you hold her

I’ll be admiring the curves of my hips

While you live it up with her

I’ll pour fresh ink over my heart

And finally become one with someone else

Someone who far surpasses you

Someday

What Am I Waiting For?

Every night

Making 11:11 wishes

Like a favorite record

On repetition

Lightbulbs glowing in my head

Left and right

Just have to try not to drop them

Except for the familiar taste of poison

In certain people

Now that’s an epiphany

 

Why should I be afraid

Of doing what makes me feel brave?

I want to show the world

What I’m made of

Be myself unapologetically

I’m not sure where that fire came from

But I want to feed it

Not drown out its voice

Silence that speaks volumes

Above the noise

 

I never asked to get hurt

I never asked to have my heart ruthlessly stolen

I never asked for my compassionate nature

To be taken for granted

I’m taking my heart back

Turning my pain

That was their pleasure

Into something magnificent

Something that goes over their heads

All of me at my best

 

The skyscraper is scraping the sky

Their merry-go-round is at a full stop

I’ve been walking on eggshells

My whole life

Now, the abyss is closing

And I’m finally free falling

Instead of crash landing

The shy girl is chasing her star

What have I been waiting for?