No Faith in Immortality

I tried to warn you

But you wouldn’t listen

This is part of who I am

You judged me all wrong

Caverns cave in

 

You can’t live my life for me

Or live vicariously through me

No matter how much you may want to

When I’m ready to go,

Let me go

Light and darkness spinning inside me

Vertigo dance of the broken healer

 

I don’t want to live forever

But my soul does

I don’t want to die

But sometimes I do

What’s a birth

Without a rebirth?

 

My dreams haven’t changed

They’ve been amended

To make me happier

And feel more possible

Island

What’s the problem?

Self care took a vacation

What’s living good for now?

Waking up stopped being exciting

Overdosed on temporary happiness

Until permanently sad

The world is spinning too fast now

Some people leaving a bad taste

Bored without control over another

Inverted mirror

Evidence out in the open

One true purpose

Start saying no to the yes men

What’s the solution?

A problem can escalate to a crisis

But it doesn’t have to be battled alone

Especially when the battle is constant

Please stick around

One day, paradise will be visible

Like open eyes

So Worried // No Worries

I was encouraged to grow up too fast

I didn’t know I had a choice

That opportunity was always taken away

Until it was buried six feet under

Until I can only be free

One night at a time

And even that sometimes feels wrong

Because that darkness is too dark

I can’t win

Everyone says I am light

Therefore, I am

But that’s just not always the case

I accept death

Yet, the thought still rattles my hollow bones

And breaks my broken heart

To this day, there is nobody

Other than me

Who knows me inside out

Who can read me

 

 

Criticism and love are not the same

Love doesn’t leave bruises and cuts

On the skin or soul

I can’t take c’ est la vie

Or carpe diem “advice” seriously

You don’t know what it’s like

Until it happens to you

Or someone you love

A stigma cannot be fought

By adding to it

I am a scar

I’ve written about this before

Why am I so quiet?

Well, I’m not anymore

You’re just not listening

Unless the words are what you want to hear

Why are you so loud

Without thinking or empathizing?

Between a Silver Lining and a Hard Place

Aged to perfection

And forever young

Followed by storm clouds

And rays of sunlight

I tried to be someone I’m not

I’m finding someone who I lost

I have open scars from wolves

I’m shedding my naivety

I wish that I followed my intuition every day

I’m trusting myself to be okay

I drowned in my tears

I’m swimming around my soul

I couldn’t save myself

I am saving myself

Torn into pieces

I am my own catch 22

My heart is chronically swollen

But I wouldn’t have it any other way

Shameless Liability

Am I an important person in your life

Or just a guilty pleasure?

Am I here to provide meaning

Or validation?

I don’t need your approval

You could honestly learn from me

 

Sorry you got bored of me

Your loss

Sorry I was too much

Your loss

Sorry I wasn’t enough

Your loss

I almost changed for you

What was I thinking?

I never conform

Unless it’s an emergency

All I can ever be is me

 

I feel with the force of nature

I break down side-by-side

With extreme weather

I’ve sacrificed more for the betterment of others

Than for myself

So, my puzzle is missing several pieces

When it comes to walking away,

I’m always late

I’ve lived for so long

So timid and afraid

Being okay with being weak

Before I considered leaving,

They’d already walked all over me

 

In spite of it all,

My heart has only grown with me

I’m taking my power back

Setting fire to the past

I’m half dead, half alive

Unashamed of my inner tug-of-war

If I say I love or care about you,

I mean it with everything I have in me

I am time’s acid-tongued enemy

Patience

I see signs in everything

To the point where I begin to see stars

What does it mean

To have life all figured out

Surely, that truth is a dirty liar

 

I feel trapped in paradise

But the thing is, it is not paradise

I was only told it was

I was stuck in a box

To be kept from thinking outside of it

 

I hear a voice in my mind

It has grown up with me

Hated myself with me

Loved myself with me

Together, we are free

 

I believe in change

At some point, it becomes for the better

There is time to wait

To move on, give up, stay strong

Just know that I am the one in control

Life Story

Young blood

Hiding out in the corner

A smile

That predicts a higher purpose

 

Warm blood

Standing center stage

An imagination

That unfurls the leaves

 

Hot blood

Retreating behind the emotional curtain

A bittersweet taste

Testing the waters

 

Cold blood

Settling above ground

A simmering electricity

That repeatedly shocks the world

When it boils over

 

Spilled blood

Breaking through the tear ducts

Splashing onto the page

Staining the walls

Under fading moonlight

A sense of self

Falling apart at the seams

An assortment of loose threads and ends meeting halfway

 

Pumping blood

Breathing into the heart

That sometimes stops beating

Painting the lips a new shade

Making them shyly smile

Awakening the imagination

That changes seasons

Giving fresh water

To soothe the bittersweet

Charging the electricity

To shower the sky

With solar power

Cleaner energy

 

A sense of self

Stitching up old wounds

Taking old scars and worn pages

And creating art

That touches the heart

Gentle and rough

Intricate details and imperfect endings

Make for the strongest new beginnings