A Summary

All I want is for my best to be enough

Existence is exhausting

Aware of everything

I’m satisfied and happy

With who I’ve become as a person

And I’m still growing

Old beginnings with new endings

Been getting the hang of

What I used to only struggle with

Slowly falling harder

For love each day

I don’t want to live a life

Of regrets and what ifs

Having the confidence to make the first move

And really pursue someone

Or something

I care about is

Empowering

Please Hold On

Spending some time alone is much better than

Being in a toxic relationship

With yourself

Leave that and stay alive

 

One more day

One more night

And another

And another

It’s going to be alright

 

Put the harmful objects down

And pick yourself up

It’s too easy to fall over the edge

You are still here

Not everyone who will love you

Has met you yet

 

One more word

One more touch

And another

And another

Until it doesn’t feel like too much

 

Your existence is not a sin

Breathe out and in

There are so many people in awe of you

And all that you do

The evil voice in your head is wrong

 

You’re not alone

You’re never alone

You’ve never been alone

Somebody has been where you are

Has felt how you feel

Could even be going through it

Right along with you

From the bottom of rock bottom

To the top of the world

My Heart Seems to Become More Open Every Time It Breaks

Small town girl

Big city girl

Suburban gothic

In my sometimes lonely world

 

You cut me open

And I never stop bleeding

Even after that wound heals

I’m an emotional livestream

 

Alone, I fall apart

Alone, I put myself back together

Picking up the pieces

And flinging them like ashes

Into the ocean

 

Cried tears in oceans and rivers

And I’ll do it again

As many times as needed

Low self-worth took a toll on my mental health

But with each lost love,

I learn how to love myself

 

I remember my younger self

And how I always wanted

To make myself proud

From feeling small, I grow

 

I was vulnerable with you

And you took advantage of it

As a result, I found strength in it

And received a kingdom of love

After the reign of pain

 

To figure me out,

You have to figure out my heart

You Killed Me, So I Hope I Haunt You

It’s been said that you radiate love

Yes… radiation

You never got to touch me physically

But you touched me in every other way

And it makes me feel dirty

Innocence, purity, depravity, and hallucinations

All dance partners in an angel’s fall from grace

 

Perfectly imperfect

I saw my twin flame

Until it went up in flames every time

A seasonal wildfire

Now, I only want to burn it all down

 

You don’t see me

I see through you

You are a cowardly tourniquet

Removing yourself before wounds heal

 

You love, obsess, fixate, and desire

To pass the time

To distract from your demons

Sleeping like a baby

In a coma of codependency

I hope when you’re in her

You think of me

I caught on to how you operate

Wilted Bouquet

Strong people are capable of being weak

That doesn’t take away from your strength

When your tower tumbles,

You can build the blocks back up

 

You are loved and valued

Your life is full of worth, purpose, and meaning

You deserve to smile

 

They cannot see

Just how great you can be

All that you can become

So, they chose to leave

 

You never really lost

You simply loved

That’s good enough

You’re never alone

If no one else cares, I always will

 

After everything that people ever stole,

You ended up creating something even better

Write the story of your life

And burn their false narratives

To the ground

Sometimes, there’s more than one right answer

You’re not falling behind

Nothing lasts forever

So take your time

Color outside of the lines

 

At times, your bouquet may wilt

That doesn’t mean you’ll never bloom again

Love[r] Language

A dream come true

But the reality is

It was just a dream

Projecting pain instead of healing it

Texting a love letter

That gets left on “read”

Or worse, just “delivered”

 

Expectations and standards

Hold each other’s hands tighter

Than we ever could

Or ever did

From favorite person

To I don’t want to see or talk to you

Ever again

 

What is actually wrong

Can feel so right

Distracted

By the crushing

The fucking and leaving

The unclear communication

Alone automatically equals lonely

The Demons Lost Along the Way

Blankets tangled and half-removed

In an arctic room

Nothing new and nothing to hide

 

Sometimes I feel like Cinderella

But I never lost a shoe

Just trapped in the same situation

For years and years

 

Full of emptiness

Adoring my own company

Even when it hurts

 

If I took all of my secrets to the grave,

I wouldn’t have lived an honest life

I’m a work in progress

When it comes to mystery and misery,

That’s all there is to it

I won’t keep lying to myself

I refuse

I’m not exactly sure what I want and need right now

But I swear I know

It’s just buried deep down

 

Resilience is vital for disrupted routines

My therapist would agree

Regifted

I’m used to telling you what you want to hear

But there’s always more I wish I could say

This isn’t the way I want my life to stay

Feeling buried alive by the weight of words unsaid

 

You’ve been hiding my gifts

But I’m about to open them

I rarely put myself first

Because I was made to feel like

That’s a foreign concept

Your yes girl is all grown up

 

You tried to convey the message

That being in your presence

Made me lucky

I’m about to limit and close off my inner circle

 

My holidays aren’t happy unless I am

This is the conflict resolution

That the story of my life has been building up to

They Say If You Dream a Thing More Than Once, It’s Sure to Come True

Fabricated nonfiction- yikes

Fiction based on reality- yikes, but meaningful

Pay attention

Everybody’s got a story to tell

 

My vision may not be 20/20

But I’m not blind to what goes on around me

If you could feel

Everything that I feel

On any given day or night,

Would you want to live or die?

 

Running in imperfect circles

Words in the form of jagged lines

Sometimes, I start writing something

Just to see what happens

Provoking a concept

Provoking myself

Provoking my will to live

Several pages later

Better late than never

 

The more exhausted I get with life,

The less frequently I wear a bra

And what about it?

My golden body, my golden rules

 

Making a mental getaway

Do not disturb

You’ll remember my name

Why wait until my funeral to read this?

On a “I don’t care what you think of me” wave

Depending on the context of the situation of course

Living in an age

Where clowns lead parades

 

But enough about me

How are you?

Are you making the time and space

To be both selfless and selfish too?

 

Before Midnight

I lost and found myself

The lost part in San Francisco

Shakily crossing the Golden Gate Bridge

The found part staring back at me

Reflecting on my reflection

And reflections of past lives

Ready, aim, action

What are you doing?

Get louder than words

 

Dream land sails from coast to coast

Trying to understand me

Waiting for a lover who truly understands me

Who can stay by my side

Be my parallel line

 

My version of mindfulness

Is going back to the time

When I didn’t exist yet

If you could start all over,

Would you have let yourself fall?

Apart

In love

Together

 

I just want to get better