What?

Once again,

I reprogrammed my brain wrong

I can receive all of the advice, encouragement, and criticism

In the world

But in the end, it’s up to me

Looking back and comparing then to now

Really breaks and soothes my heart

I know what’s best for me

Exactly how much do I believe it though?

Self-sabotage party for one

Like my soul is decomposing

Playing with fire

Because I believe in magic

Optimistic optical illusions

I don’t know what I miss more

I kind of wish

That expectations didn’t exist

They’re so divisive

High and low through highs and lows

Rarely correlate

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

Thanks for picking me up

And being patient with me through all of this

All of the Above

The answer to every question

Soft and true enough

To not have to erase

I mean I could

But what would I gain?

Tip of the iceberg

To the top of my daydreams

 

Party dress or just me

Social or shy

You make me feel seen

 

Stuck on you

But not in a bad way

I want to impact you

Like you’ve impacted me

But in a sweet way

Forever and always

 

Even when we’re apart,

You read my mind

And I kind of sort of

Think about you all the time

 

Just a couple of basket cases

Learning the meaning

Of living life

 

Playing hide-and-seek

Getting lost and found

In heaven and hell

Our everything is everywhere

 

Just a couple of guardian angel hearts

Learning the meaning

Of love

Sweetheart

I’m not afraid to love

I’m afraid to lose love

But I love to lose what made me lose love

Turning sacrifices into advantages

When it seemed like being able to feel pain

Was the only thing keeping me alive

Tired, open eyes

 

Life in technicolor

Will always triumph over seeing and interpreting

In black and white

When it comes to being innovative

I won’t let you steal my life

I have an idea

Live and worry about your own

 

My heart is kind

My honesty is brutal

Real love only

 

I’m not sorry

For the space I take up

I didn’t put in a request for existence

But here I am

Here we all are

I’m the brightest star in the sky of my mind

That’s evolution

Between a Silver Lining and a Hard Place

Aged to perfection

And forever young

Followed by storm clouds

And rays of sunlight

I tried to be someone I’m not

I’m finding someone who I lost

I have open scars from wolves

I’m shedding my naivety

I wish that I followed my intuition every day

I’m trusting myself to be okay

I drowned in my tears

I’m swimming around my soul

I couldn’t save myself

I am saving myself

Torn into pieces

I am my own catch 22

My heart is chronically swollen

But I wouldn’t have it any other way

More Than One Chosen One

It’s in the air

But I have to remember

To breathe

I don’t have to know right now

All truth steps into the light

In due time

 

Somewhere out there

Emerald rain city

I could be

I am

You could be

You are

We could be

We are

 

Deception is not worth suffering for

What if I was deceiving myself all along?

I made it on my own

And with help

Is that so wrong?

Never truly alone

Don’t want to end up alone

I do feel better than I used to though

 

Head so high up in the clouds

That I lost my mind for a while

I can still see my broken heart

From up here!

Healing is in my blood and bones

So, at least I know that I can

Keep myself alive

That’s all I need

To feel alive until I am

 

”Are you doing okay?”

It’s not like I enjoy feeling this way

Day by day

Night by night

Running out of time

When it’s in the palm of my hand

I can always feed the hourglass more sand

This life is mine

Please show me what I’ve been missing

Stars and Hearts

Once upon a time

I started off as starry eyed

We seem to travel under and across

Different skies

But the stars we wish upon

Are the same

The epitome of dreams

Every someday

 

The world is at our fingertips

You complete you

I complete me

Let’s be complementary colors

It’s already a natural reflex

To compliment and support each other

I’m the butterfly on your shoulder

Because once you’ve had the best,

You can’t do better

 

Any love you want

Any love you need

Just so you know,

I can provide it

An endless summer

An eternal light

But are you willing to try it?

 

We’re better off alone together

You are more than a feeling

I’m a future with a past

Cherishing moments like a first heartbeat

Maybe I’m just hung up on you

It’s not my fault if you shine the brightest

In my heart eyes

Sexy

Hourglass in the middle of nowhere

Small enough to be swallowed

Oh the joys and sorrows

Of finding your elixir

 

Infatuation runs deep

Love is blind

You desire and then some

I would let you come inside

We’re off the wall

Frantic, eccentric, soft, rough

Don’t go

You’re warm

I’m cold

 

I want it

I need it

I like you

I want you

I need you

I love you

 

Don’t stay the night

Stay forever

I’m ready

I’m sentimental

You have what I’ve been missing

I missed you before I even knew you

 

Be vicious

Be affectionate

I can take it

I crave it

I’m open for you only

Love season

Free-spirited

I can bring you back to life

We are more than our bodies

Lonely Flame

I told you that I missed you

You left me on “read”

I had a dream about you

You smiled and held me

Like the first time we met

 

I’m so afraid of losing you

To someone else

Like I’ve lost everyone else

I started giving my heart to

 

You are dopamine

But you are also morphine

You bring me happiness,

A rush of pleasure,

Excitement, adventure

But too much thinking about you

With no reciprocation

Leads to more fantasies

Mere illusions

 

I don’t take well

To being left completely in the dark

About matters of the heart

Especially when I’ve poured my heart out to you

Like donating blood

I’m done pining

That doesn’t mean I don’t care

I care more than you could possibly imagine

More than Cupid could fathom

 

If you’re afraid

That I would hurt you

I can assure you

And reassure you again

That I wouldn’t even consider it

But I’m not all talk

If you let me love you

I would show you

What real loyalty looks like

What real compassion and devotion feels like

What genuine I love you’s sound like

 

All my love life

I’ve stood alone

Taking chances

Having salt rubbed onto my wounds in return

I don’t think you realize

Just how strong you are

If I had to burn again

I’d rather burn with you

Belonging

I can’t help it

If I am simultaneously

Finding and losing myself

I don’t have much control

Over how quickly my heart

Beats

Falls

Breaks

Mends

 

Time’s breath always on my neck

 

Big dreamer with a quiet voice

Bedroom eyes with a savior’s soul

I have yet to know what it’s like

To love and be loved in return

Is that too much to ask for?

Jealousy disguised as roses

My light as strong as gnarled thorns

As everyone around me has beautiful experiences

They know I’m here, but I’m invisible

I don’t trust just anybody with my darkness

 

Time’s breath holding my hair in a clenched fist

 

Laughing

Crying

Living

Dying

Listening

Observing

Yearning

Ignoring

 

You can’t force me to be an open book

Yet, whenever I am, it’s shocking

Guess the truth is out

Innocent girls make the best headlines

Fortunately, I’m not extra

You can read all about it

Next time you want to chase a waterfall

The fish are waiting

 

Time’s breath ghosting over my lips

 

Wishing

Hoping

Understanding

Pain is all-knowing

 

Time’s breath settling between my legs

 

Sobbing

Smiling

Believing

Time’s breath inflating

My lungs

Morose clouds hanging

Over my head

A vintage silver lining

I belong to me

Seasons go by

People will come and go in life

But that truth stands the test of time

Tribute to Words

a feather collage of paper

is a wordplayground

technological Big Bang

portal to new dimensions

fear is in bees and butterflies

they drop ounces of it into flowers

the comorbidly colored roses bravely bloomed

just like you

there is so much to say

 

words words words words

beautiful ugly magnificent absurd

sinful saviors

unfavorite colors

forevers and nevers

complicated simplicity

he danced until he fell down

she screamed what her heart is all about

they started a riot

worthy of an acceptance letter

to the University of Heaven

 

cruising through the underground

rhythm found

in silence and sound

boulders thrown at your window

at 2 a.m

pumpkin hours

speeches of endearment

spilling out from underneath eyelids

 

a sunset saw me smile

guilty yet so innocent

 

droughts in throats

floods of ink destroying the pen dam

shocked little lamb

the fire of last night

was hungover the next morning

refused to take a shower

brain warden shouted with generous anger

here’s your damn beach towel

 

sometimes scribbles that make negative infinity sense

can make all the sense we need

and so we sleep