Buttercups

His hair continues to fall in his face

Even when cut

I don’t want to be built up

Only to be let down

Clumsy and we can’t help it

 

He speaks a million words a minute

And I would travel a thousand miles

To listen to and absorb

Every single one

I want to learn everything

That he could possibly teach

 

Strength in fragility

I thought we were completely different

But we’re practically one and the same

Schools of fish in the deep baby blue

Students of life

And all of its wonders

 

He is older than me

Yet seems so much younger

So wild, free, and put together

Sugar sweet poison

Yellow, the “happy” color

Yellow is my favorite color

 

Flowers line the city streets

Like petals on the ground

Of a wedding aisle

His smile is seriously beautiful

I long to be his special girl someday

And I’m screwed because of it

 

 

My Heart Seems to Become More Open Every Time It Breaks

Small town girl

Big city girl

Suburban gothic

In my sometimes lonely world

 

You cut me open

And I never stop bleeding

Even after that wound heals

I’m an emotional livestream

 

Alone, I fall apart

Alone, I put myself back together

Picking up the pieces

And flinging them like ashes

Into the ocean

 

Cried tears in oceans and rivers

And I’ll do it again

As many times as needed

Low self-worth took a toll on my mental health

But with each lost love,

I learn how to love myself

 

I remember my younger self

And how I always wanted

To make myself proud

From feeling small, I grow

 

I was vulnerable with you

And you took advantage of it

As a result, I found strength in it

And received a kingdom of love

After the reign of pain

 

To figure me out,

You have to figure out my heart

Tripped Out

Blue lace bra

Costume shop

Beach hunt

Sex on a couch

Office floor

Or in a guest room

 

Strangers in the backyard

Danger in the neighborhood

Always getting closer

But I can never seem to run fast enough

 

Falling off a balcony

Jumping down an elevator shaft

Snakes and clouds of mist

Too soon and too late

 

In his arms

Underneath her

Necromancy beside the stairs

High speed

Slow motion

Reality in a fiction flying out of a blender

Out the door

Repetition

Reoccurring

 

Attacked and threatened

Protect the toys

Driver’s license as currency

Familiar faces and places

Turned inside out

 

Demons

Ghosts

Haunting to forget

Love

Is it love?

Seeing through me

Trying to make sense

Of what could also be nonsense

Dream interpretation can be a bitch

 

The Unsolved Elixir

Medicating the medicine

More than fifty states of mind

Talk about their god complex

What about my savior one?

Want to be right so bad

That you lean the wrong way

 

No cure

Just temporary fixes

Massive build-ups and releases

“Crying doesn’t solve anything”

Sometimes, it solves everything

 

Closed heart surgery

The head and the heart

Oh how they fall apart

We all fall apart

We all fall down

Rise back up

And fall back down

You Killed Me, So I Hope I Haunt You

It’s been said that you radiate love

Yes… radiation

You never got to touch me physically

But you touched me in every other way

And it makes me feel dirty

Innocence, purity, depravity, and hallucinations

All dance partners in an angel’s fall from grace

 

Perfectly imperfect

I saw my twin flame

Until it went up in flames every time

A seasonal wildfire

Now, I only want to burn it all down

 

You don’t see me

I see through you

You are a cowardly tourniquet

Removing yourself before wounds heal

 

You love, obsess, fixate, and desire

To pass the time

To distract from your demons

Sleeping like a baby

In a coma of codependency

I hope when you’re in her

You think of me

I caught on to how you operate

Object Identified

Why did I ever see

What I saw in you?

At least my heart

Learned how to read

I encouraged your growth

While you stifled mine

 

You only acted interested

When you had something to gain

Or when no one else was paying you attention

You thrived on my naive attachment

What did you say that was true

And what wasn’t?

We were like a rumor that ended

Before it started

The last time you walked away,

I learned to let go

And just like that,

My world was less cold

 

You can keep your fool’s gold

After all, it’s all you can afford

I’m your dream girl

That you gave up on

They don’t know you

Like I do

Because I saw through you

While you were distracted

By public perception

And the shadow

Of your reflection

 

I pulled out the weeds

And kept the flowers

When you touched me,

I was weak

You chased me

Around Saturn’s rings

I kept running in circles

While you ditched me

For more open galaxies

 

Your honor, I object

To your dishonor

Because you objectified my love

Wilted Bouquet

Strong people are capable of being weak

That doesn’t take away from your strength

When your tower tumbles,

You can build the blocks back up

 

You are loved and valued

Your life is full of worth, purpose, and meaning

You deserve to smile

 

They cannot see

Just how great you can be

All that you can become

So, they chose to leave

 

You never really lost

You simply loved

That’s good enough

You’re never alone

If no one else cares, I always will

 

After everything that people ever stole,

You ended up creating something even better

Write the story of your life

And burn their false narratives

To the ground

Sometimes, there’s more than one right answer

You’re not falling behind

Nothing lasts forever

So take your time

Color outside of the lines

 

At times, your bouquet may wilt

That doesn’t mean you’ll never bloom again

I Burn, I Pine, I Perish

I’m able to write love poems

Regardless of whether or not

I am in love

But if you were in love with me,

That would be an entirely different story

 

Like, love- kind of sort of

The same difference

I tend to force happiness

Until it’s impossible to feel it

Around them anymore

You raised me up

To be able to drop me

From high enough

Outside, I keep quiet

Inside, I’m crying and screaming

My heart can’t believe it

I fell back into the same old patterns

You could’ve had me

Now, you never will

At first, I didn’t get it

Now, I’ll be making sure of it

 

I can get too into my head

So, maybe I appear to be

Not into you

Maybe you were once into me

But changed your mind

Because you weren’t ready

And/or preferred somebody

More toxic

Or you were never even into me

And I created a narrative

To trick myself

Into loving myself

Because maybe, someone finally

Loved me back

 

I want to be wanted

I need to feel needed

Holding back from messaging first

Because “first” can equal “one”

And “one” can lead to “one-sided”

Someday, I’ll have a better experience

An experience that lasts a lifetime

Mean Inspiration

Get out of my dreams

You were a lie come true

I relied on empty conversations

To try to figure out

What goes on inside your head

You say you’ll start over

Only to then restart

What you wanted to stop

 

Maybe I was a little self-indulgent

For trusting my unrealistic fantasies

More than the real you

That was right in front of me

 

Loving you comes with a price

That always inflates

And your heart and ego

Stand on uneven playing fields

Letting you go settled my debt

 

Our story is bookmarked

As a sweet, temporary moment in time

Our individual stories are to be continued

I’m still learning

 

Love[r] Language

A dream come true

But the reality is

It was just a dream

Projecting pain instead of healing it

Texting a love letter

That gets left on “read”

Or worse, just “delivered”

 

Expectations and standards

Hold each other’s hands tighter

Than we ever could

Or ever did

From favorite person

To I don’t want to see or talk to you

Ever again

 

What is actually wrong

Can feel so right

Distracted

By the crushing

The fucking and leaving

The unclear communication

Alone automatically equals lonely