Autopsy

I returned from a war that never ends

Fighting a losing battle that I sometimes win

I want to be known, but invisible

Don’t say my name, but also do

My heart screams to the heavens

From the underworld

Raised to appreciate the spotlight and attention

But I need time to withdraw to survive

 

Confidence is my question that has no answer

“Just do this, just do that”

”Just be this, just be that”

”Just say this, just say that”

Listen, you can’t just throw me into open season

I am bold on my own terms

 

Shy to sassy like flicking a light switch

Writing mental prescriptions for adrenaline and sedatives

Naked in the sky with diamonds

Then, running to hide behind the next lunar eclipse

I’m not ready until I say so

But as soon as I am, you’ve got a big storm coming

 

An affinity for morbid humor and a habit of biting my tongue

A vice of a desire to hurt and a longing to heal

I’d rather cry every day than feel numb

I’m not afraid to be open anymore

Not completely unafraid though

But I’ll make it work

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Legendary

What day is it?

They’re all starting to bleed together

I like growing my bangs out

So that they can’t see me cry

They hate it when I cry

It’s a painful sight

Imagine how I feel

 

Why hit me with your best shot

When you could just try not to hit me

I’m not who I used to be

I am unapologetically me

This hurts, but I know it will be worthwhile

I’ve been washed away

That’s when I found the sweetest shore

The needle in the haystack got swallowed by my heart

I can’t dance without tears in my eyes

 

How am I?

How am I?

How am I not insane?

All work and no play

Nearly killed me

All play and no work

Also nearly killed me

 

Awake and asleep at the same time

What time is it?

That’s dominated so much of my life

That it barely matters anymore

Am I starting to deteriorate again?

I swear that I didn’t mean to

 

I’m always at my best

After I fall apart

Why is that?

Be Prepared (But Nothing Can Prepare You)

I miss the good old days

You know, when you could go entire seasons

Without worrying about being shamed

By others or yourself

For not shaving your legs, etcetera

Actually, who said that I aged out of the good days?

I shave when I want to

It’s my body

Basic health and hygiene are more important than beauty standards anyway

And your body is yours, so do what works for you

 

I don’t have a traditional model body type

Or an hourglass figure exactly

But I exist and am worth the world

Curves, moles, birthmarks, blemishes, the fat, the flat, and all

Invisible and faded, but still visible scars

 

They tell me to wear more makeup

So that my baby face will grow up

But personal freedom lies in personal preference

And most of the time, I prefer none

Sometimes, I prefer lipstick

Sometimes, I prefer full cover

If the occasion is extra special

They say that beauty takes time

But life is short, so I’m doing what I want

When I want to

Looking flawless is your own definition to write

 

My mind doesn’t easily operate efficiently

Sad until numb

Can’t always think straight

Breath doesn’t always march in time

With my heartbeat

Living often feels like dying

But that doesn’t mean my mentality is never healthy

I’m always tending to the flowers

One way or another

 

If I apologized for writing about certain topics

Too much for your taste

Such as love, unrequited love, and heartbreak

Then I’d be apologizing for having feelings

And growing from experiences

If I apologized for getting political

Or talking about a dark truth

That makes you uncomfortable,

Then I wouldn’t be my authentic self

And your insistence on ignorance is part of the problem

 

If your advice is meant to categorize,

I solemnly swear that it’s unsolicited

I’m a little bit of everything

Intensely chill

A chilling intensity

A lady

A minx

A shining example

A stubborn bitch

The familial, platonic, or romantic something more

The modern *insert avant-garde name here*

The quiet one who keeps surprising you

Let’s communicate

Heart in a Chokehold

I can’t wait forever

For Cupid to shoot his shot

In my favor

One moment, you’re in my corner

Then, you’re unable to be in yours

Or you’re running around the world

I swore I would quit chasing

So, I’m not

But that doesn’t make this hurt less

 

Pulled back and forth

By what ifs and my sense of self worth

I don’t want to become forgotten or ignored

Our bond has gotten stronger

But will it ever become endangered?

 

Weighing all of the pros and cons

You’ve changed your life and mine for the better

Being around you and talking to you

Never breaks my heart

We think and interpret in several similar ways

But… you’re good at hiding how you truly feel

For a long time

 

When someone or something means a lot to me,

I’m a bad liar

You mean a lot to me

Whatever you want to call what we have

Yes, it means a lot to me

I always know what to say

Because I mean what I say

 

I don’t know everything

I don’t know if we belong together

But I do know that we’ll never know if we never try

Isn’t that the mindset

That got you where you are today?

 

I don’t mind seeming to come on strong

If I’m fully being the real me

Confident in what I believe

And what I deserve

You can’t love anyone properly

Until you drop your walls

 

I’ll learn to breathe without you

I’ll trust that you won’t break your promises

I’ll listen to my intuition

But you’ll always have a piece of my heart

And maybe one day, you’ll come around

Spilled Soul

If we had the opportunity

To have more time,

I would love it if we made it

Let’s swap life stories

And start a new chapter

Together

I wouldn’t want to overload you

 

Bright eyes

Your heart is close enough to touch

 

Today

Days, weeks, months…

Sweet significance

Tonight

 

Searching for consistency

It shouldn’t be perilous

Keep making me fall harder

It’s effortless for you

Irresistible

I keep coming back to you

And usually leaving pain-free

 

Need me, want me, and more

That feeling is very mutual if the topic comes up

Who else pays attention to your hints?

Who else is able to completely understand you

No matter what?

Who else can wait for you

Without giving up on you?

 

Bright smile

I miss you

Radiate more often

Living a Dream

No revelation arrives quickly or easily

I’m not fine

I don’t have to try or lie

I just am

 

Can’t tell if the bigger mess is all around me

Or inside me

I break down until I can sleep

Eventually, my axis returns to rotating normally

 

Thinking about reminders

That state how a day in the life

Doesn’t define the whole life

 

I keep a tight grip

On everything that has changed and shaped me

Into who I am proud of today

Who I love

I belong in a place

Where I can explore without getting lost

And take breaks without getting stuck

 

I used to believe that my misery

Was set in stone

But neither suffering nor healing

Should be lonely or precise

 

Positivity is not a constant state of happy

Social media and marketing are misleading you

Every emotion exists for a reason

But not everything happens for a reason

Poetic Justice Society

If it’s impossible

To run out of topics to write about,

Why are there writers

Who gave up on writing?

 

Suddenly, content is more prized

Than creativity

Right is wrong

And wrong is right

Seeking advice from ghosts

Critics analyzing everything about you

Except your work

Rare if temporarily forgotten

 

Tear me to pieces

To take a piece of my heart

Love idolized in order to be a commodity

Known to be known

Leaving a legacy

A legend if only for a night

 

On trial and the guilty

Are hailed as innocent

While the innocent

Are judged the worst in the world

 

What if that feeling I had

Was my intuition talking

Because that would change everything

When muses are plagiarized,

All I want to be is myself

All I ever want to be is honest

With myself

With others

With my readers

 

Didn’t you hear?

I feel more like myself than ever before

We’re more in love than ever before

We’re getting married

Until life and death keep us together