The Unsolved Elixir

Medicating the medicine

More than fifty states of mind

Talk about their god complex

What about my savior one?

Want to be right so bad

That you lean the wrong way

 

No cure

Just temporary fixes

Massive build-ups and releases

“Crying doesn’t solve anything”

Sometimes, it solves everything

 

Closed heart surgery

The head and the heart

Oh how they fall apart

We all fall apart

We all fall down

Rise back up

And fall back down

Equations

When are you going to be good at math?

Why are you so quiet?

Why are you the way that you are?

Did you know that you’re still the same and changing?

It doesn’t matter

 

Why aren’t you more confident?

What do you have to be insecure about?

You’re such a nice girl!

Therefore, you must be nice all the time 

Even when you’re disrespected and put down 

Wow

 

When are you going to have your first date?

Your first kiss?

Your first relationship?

When are you going to lose your virginity?

When the time is right and I’m ready

 

Since you’re already *insert age here*,
What do you want to do with your life?

When are you going to get your driver’s license?

When are you going to graduate?

When are you going to get married?

When are you going to have kids?

Please leave me alone

 

Why won’t you tell every person

Inside and outside of your life

Every single detail of your personal life?

When will you stop being depressed?

When will you stop being anxious?

 

You don’t need to know everything about me

To care about me

Mental health is real

For the most part, I’m happy, healthy, and alive

My love and body are my prerogative

Don’t let anyone make you feel less than

For being human

On your own timeline and at your own pace

The human race is not a race

 

 

Where is Home?

Wherever I’m happy and at peace

Because those states of mind

Are rare for me

Love that takes me to nirvana

Whether it comes from me or someone else

The bed in the space

Between a rock and a hard place

Where dream worlds and reality collide

To center the universe

24/7 365

Time doesn’t matter

There’s no rush to get to know myself

Nobody and nothing can take it away

The warm, beating heart in the space

Between a glacier and a cold place

Bitter Whiskey Sour

Nothing about me is surface level

As good as I try to be and inherently am,

I’ll never be a perfect person

Back-to-back intense nightmares

Caused by intense insecurities

Leave me out of breath when I wake up

 

Sometimes, all I see is envy

I feel trapped by circumstances

Out of my control

Then, I let myself feel inferior to

Everyone living their lives

The ways that I want to live mine

It’s like bad people keep getting rewarded

And good people keep getting left in the dust

 

I don’t necessarily hold grudges

I recognize that forgiveness doesn’t equal forgetting

I don’t let bitterness run my life

So, I have the right to let myself feel it in the moment

To grieve

To turn writer’s block into an exposé

Made up of pretty sounding words

 

I can’t seem to concentrate

Unless I’m happy

All lemon juice, no sugar

What were you saying about lemonade?

What if that shit expired?

I feel safe in my headspace

And sometimes, I just don’t

I simply wish to enjoy my life

Without feeling like I’m wasting it

 

Copyright Unknown

I don’t always know what to say

I don’t always know what to do

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

I get lost and scared

I feel sad, hopeless, and anxious

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

Don’t trust inaccurate perception

 

You all claimed to know me so well

The truth is, you never knew me at all

My personality, interests, and dreams

Are too mutable to fit a mold

I only chase the sun when it shines

And when it rains, it pours and I cry

 

I haven’t believed in myself enough

I let fear drive me crazy

Now, I’m noticing a change

Nothing is flawless

But I finally know what happiness is

Don’t act like you know best

When you barely understand

What I’ve been through

What I’m still going through

When you don’t even try

 

Forever asking myself

Does this feel like me?

Empty

The desert sun shines

When I am trying to sleep

It is nighttime inside me

Whenever someone leaves,

They leave the pain

Left behind

Left behind

Moving forward

You don’t know how to change

But I do

 

I want to smile

Because I want to

Not whenever it’s expected

You can’t control my emotions

I need to cry

When I need to

Don’t belittle me for it

 

I fell behind

I fell behind

Living and feeling

In the middle of nowhere

Catching up is just growing up

It can’t be rushed