Moments of Weakness

Strength in numbers until the numbers are overwhelming

You could be drenched in sweat

And I’d still run into your arms

I seldom follow my own advice

And have to keep re-learning lessons

Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out

And sometimes I feel like growing it out

Longing for shelter until it buries me

 

Too hot

Too cold

Deep in the goal of escaping anyone and anything narrow

It’s like the only time I truly embrace fear

Is when I embrace happiness

That “letting go” that everyone speaks of

I needed to take a break

To take a break from breaking

 

I don’t feel accomplished

But I do feel somewhat alive

That’s a head start in my tired, ocean eyes

Pull me out of my own head

I’d prefer to drown in anything else right now

Even if it’s you and you can’t stay

 

I’ve got everybody fooled

Until I can’t take it anymore

That’s what inner strength is for

Stretching the truth until you understand the whole truth

 

I recognize my reflection

The smile pushes through the desert

I’m still falling

My feet just want to land, but there’s no solid ground

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Living a Dream

No revelation arrives quickly or easily

I’m not fine

I don’t have to try or lie

I just am

 

Can’t tell if the bigger mess is all around me

Or inside me

I break down until I can sleep

Eventually, my axis returns to rotating normally

 

Thinking about reminders

That state how a day in the life

Doesn’t define the whole life

 

I keep a tight grip

On everything that has changed and shaped me

Into who I am proud of today

Who I love

I belong in a place

Where I can explore without getting lost

And take breaks without getting stuck

 

I used to believe that my misery

Was set in stone

But neither suffering nor healing

Should be lonely or precise

 

Positivity is not a constant state of happy

Social media and marketing are misleading you

Every emotion exists for a reason

But not everything happens for a reason

Religious or Real

I can’t think highly of myself

It’s nothing but a temporary high

I can’t fake confidence

Because it only exists

When I’m at my most vulnerable

 

I can be optimistic

Until I get burned

I can remember your name

If it makes you happy

I can hold my tongue

If that’s what will get you off

My back

 

I can’t constantly step out of my comfort zone

I die inside each time I do

I can’t sacrifice anything that aids my survival

Because then, am I living for me

Or am I living for you?

 

I can be a role model

When I only show the parts of me

That people want to see

I can blink back tears

Because I’m an adult now

So, I should act like one

Right?

 

I can’t only be an angel

I have two shoulders

I can’t be at your beck and call

You made me forget

That I have my own life to live

 

I can pretend to be okay

You only like me when I’m smiling

And on your side

I can give you my heart

To use to your heart’s content

It’s not like my feelings matter much

They’re pitiful and disposable… just like you

 

I can’t explain everything

I’m a broken wing

I need time to heal and recover

Before writing my truth in the sky

For your viewing pleasure

 

I can make you proud of me

Even when I’m drowning in my own flood

I can throw pity parties by day

And funerals by night

I can be your Wonder Woman

But don’t you dare forget

That I’m still my own person

 

My mind is my cross

It’s part of why you love and appreciate me

And part of why you can’t quite figure me out

I’ve been looked up to and looked down on

Sometimes, I can escape it

But I’ll always be nailed to it

You don’t get to control or change it

My destiny

My death

My resurrection

Ashes Ashes

When the sky falls

And angels cry

When no one cares

To see the sadness behind your smile

When the sea dries up

And the bridges collapse

When no one cares

To remind you that you’re enough

I’ll be here

I’m here for you

 

Ashes ashes

We all fall down sometimes

My pain is yours

And yours is mine

No one deserves to be left behind

Like ashes scattered in the wind

We will rise

 

When you give away your love

But it’s never returned

So, you play pretend

And smile even though it hurts

When the mirror

Becomes an ex-best friend

And you’re losing faith

That beginnings can lead to happy endings

I’ll be here

I’m here for you

 

I’ll be your hand to hold

I’ll be your room to grow

This candle is still burning

And when the cold wind blows

You won’t be alone

In your own home