It’s Getting Dark

Once I’m in, all I want is out

I’ll never be the same

But I saw the opportunity and took it

Vampire bites and dreams of games

That are constantly played in real life

Little did my inner child know

Forced pity makes me sick

I don’t need it from you if it’s nothing more than a requirement

 

I think a part of me is scared to achieve

Because it could be taken from me

I know I should be living for myself

So, don’t abuse my love because I still need to use it

 

I join to avoid

It’s no problem

The air is getting heated

We have to suffocate to enjoy the party

They took the red pill and they took the blue

I cried in the bathroom and took the purple

It’s all uphill from here

Because I’ve already been down

Time to be more alone than feel it

 

Caught in the pouring rain

With no idea what kind of moment to have

To let it be depressing

To come alive

Or ignore it

Just another rainy day or night

A member of too many cliques to count

And every single one has a loose screw

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Bitter Whiskey Sour

Nothing about me is surface level

As good as I try to be and inherently am,

I’ll never be a perfect person

Back-to-back intense nightmares

Caused by intense insecurities

Leave me out of breath when I wake up

 

Sometimes, all I see is envy

I feel trapped by circumstances

Out of my control

Then, I let myself feel inferior to

Everyone living their lives

The ways that I want to live mine

It’s like bad people keep getting rewarded

And good people keep getting left in the dust

 

I don’t necessarily hold grudges

I recognize that forgiveness doesn’t equal forgetting

I don’t let bitterness run my life

So, I have the right to let myself feel it in the moment

To grieve

To turn writer’s block into an exposé

Made up of pretty sounding words

 

I can’t seem to concentrate

Unless I’m happy

All lemon juice, no sugar

What were you saying about lemonade?

What if that shit expired?

I feel safe in my headspace

And sometimes, I just don’t

I simply wish to enjoy my life

Without feeling like I’m wasting it

 

Complications

Deep down, I bet you know

How to play heartstrings and heartbeats

Until a great song is born

My own insecurities have me thinking I’m delusional

Until you explain yourself

Which is more than others can say

I’m not the only one

Who is into you

But I am the only one

Who is into every part of you

The good and bad

Into loving every part of you

Not to use you

 

The vibe is right

You can run and hide

I’ll still be right here waiting

For you to come back to life

 

Don’t speak

Unless you are speaking your truth

You need someone who can keep you grounded

When your head ignores gravity

And someone who lets you fly

When you just need to be happy and survive

You’re like a boomerang in my mind

I’m not complaining

And clearly not impatient

My heart is breaking through my chest

 

There are times when time lies

It would be easier to blame myself

Than admit that love hurts when it’s real

It’s all I have and I want to share it

I shouldn’t say give it away

Because that leads to self hate

You’re the same way

And that’s why I give you the benefit of the doubt

Your actions and words keep coming full circle

Copyright Unknown

I don’t always know what to say

I don’t always know what to do

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

I get lost and scared

I feel sad, hopeless, and anxious

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

Don’t trust inaccurate perception

 

You all claimed to know me so well

The truth is, you never knew me at all

My personality, interests, and dreams

Are too mutable to fit a mold

I only chase the sun when it shines

And when it rains, it pours and I cry

 

I haven’t believed in myself enough

I let fear drive me crazy

Now, I’m noticing a change

Nothing is flawless

But I finally know what happiness is

Don’t act like you know best

When you barely understand

What I’ve been through

What I’m still going through

When you don’t even try

 

Forever asking myself

Does this feel like me?

So Worried // No Worries

I was encouraged to grow up too fast

I didn’t know I had a choice

That opportunity was always taken away

Until it was buried six feet under

Until I can only be free

One night at a time

And even that sometimes feels wrong

Because that darkness is too dark

I can’t win

Everyone says I am light

Therefore, I am

But that’s just not always the case

I accept death

Yet, the thought still rattles my hollow bones

And breaks my broken heart

To this day, there is nobody

Other than me

Who knows me inside out

Who can read me

 

 

Criticism and love are not the same

Love doesn’t leave bruises and cuts

On the skin or soul

I can’t take c’ est la vie

Or carpe diem “advice” seriously

You don’t know what it’s like

Until it happens to you

Or someone you love

A stigma cannot be fought

By adding to it

I am a scar

I’ve written about this before

Why am I so quiet?

Well, I’m not anymore

You’re just not listening

Unless the words are what you want to hear

Why are you so loud

Without thinking or empathizing?

Priorities

Sunday sadness

Seeps into every day of the week

All my life,

Never realized

Because I didn’t understand yet

 

They told me I’m pretty

When I hated looking in the mirror

A picture perfect picture

Instead of a person

Today, my feelings are less mixed [up]

 

Worth it

Worth what?

Don’t tell me what to do

Unless I need you to

Maybe she’s worth it

Worth what?

Being broken like an attacked heart?

Don’t touch me

I’ll figure out how to fix me

 

They said be the best

What if that’s not what I can be?

They said try your best

I tried and tried and tried and…

I get worse instead of better

I hope that someday my tomorrow

Will have better weather

 

I have trouble letting go

Unless I’m on the edge of falling

Off the face of the brutal earth

Fighting to be happy

Fighting to live for as much as possible

 

I’m tired of losing track of chances

Giving them away until I don’t want them back

I’m so tired

Because I overthink

Instead of getting enough sleep

Help me

Save me

It’s never too late to drown

… I scare myself sometimes

 

Just because I’m sitting still

Doesn’t mean I’m not moving

The gears in my mind

Are always turning

Even when I have writer’s block

My stomach is often churning

And I forget to breathe

Tug-of-war between my head and heart

I don’t give up

Let me rest in peace

Life Story

Young blood

Hiding out in the corner

A smile

That predicts a higher purpose

 

Warm blood

Standing center stage

An imagination

That unfurls the leaves

 

Hot blood

Retreating behind the emotional curtain

A bittersweet taste

Testing the waters

 

Cold blood

Settling above ground

A simmering electricity

That repeatedly shocks the world

When it boils over

 

Spilled blood

Breaking through the tear ducts

Splashing onto the page

Staining the walls

Under fading moonlight

A sense of self

Falling apart at the seams

An assortment of loose threads and ends meeting halfway

 

Pumping blood

Breathing into the heart

That sometimes stops beating

Painting the lips a new shade

Making them shyly smile

Awakening the imagination

That changes seasons

Giving fresh water

To soothe the bittersweet

Charging the electricity

To shower the sky

With solar power

Cleaner energy

 

A sense of self

Stitching up old wounds

Taking old scars and worn pages

And creating art

That touches the heart

Gentle and rough

Intricate details and imperfect endings

Make for the strongest new beginnings