Using storm clouds as an umbrella

And they change colors like a mood ring

Haven’t been in love yet

Just loved and sometimes lonely

Been the poison and the victim

At war with thoughts that succeeded

At making me feel worthless

Spending a large part of my life

Believing lies

Even those told by my own brain

My bedroom is my ballroom

Where I try to get lost in music

Or words on paper

Instead of the shadows of myself

Falling out of the sky

With only my corpse to catch me


I’m told I’m loved

Even when I know I can be too much

I’m told I’m never too much

Even when I feel like I’m never enough

I’m told I’m more than enough

I don’t fully believe it

But I almost do


What’s real and what’s fabricated?

The love that exists all around me

That always has and always will

The beauty of my heart, mind, soul, and smile

That shines through, despite the breakage

All of that is irrevocably real

And the fabrication that causes I and millions of others to suffer

Is real and powerful as well

But it can be defeated throughout life’s moments

Because healing is not linear


Nowadays, if I can’t find a safe place,

I build one

I’ve never felt more like myself

Because this is me

I think I’ve finally struck a balance

Between loving and helping others

And myself

I cry when I’m hurting and when I’m not

And that’s okay

Because I’m taking care of myself,

Staying out of harm’s way

Clean isn’t easy

You can’t sugarcoat it

But my truth is that I’m grateful to still be alive

And writing this poem made me cry


It’s Getting Dark

Once I’m in, all I want is out

I’ll never be the same

But I saw the opportunity and took it

Vampire bites and dreams of games

That are constantly played in real life

Little did my inner child know

Forced pity makes me sick

I don’t need it from you if it’s nothing more than a requirement


I think a part of me is scared to achieve

Because it could be taken from me

I know I should be living for myself

So, don’t abuse my love because I still need to use it


I join to avoid

It’s no problem

The air is getting heated

We have to suffocate to enjoy the party

They took the red pill and they took the blue

I cried in the bathroom and took the purple

It’s all uphill from here

Because I’ve already been down

Time to be more alone than feel it


Caught in the pouring rain

With no idea what kind of moment to have

To let it be depressing

To come alive

Or ignore it

Just another rainy day or night

A member of too many cliques to count

And every single one has a loose screw

Bitter Whiskey Sour

Nothing about me is surface level

As good as I try to be and inherently am,

I’ll never be a perfect person

Back-to-back intense nightmares

Caused by intense insecurities

Leave me out of breath when I wake up


Sometimes, all I see is envy

I feel trapped by circumstances

Out of my control

Then, I let myself feel inferior to

Everyone living their lives

The ways that I want to live mine

It’s like bad people keep getting rewarded

And good people keep getting left in the dust


I don’t necessarily hold grudges

I recognize that forgiveness doesn’t equal forgetting

I don’t let bitterness run my life

So, I have the right to let myself feel it in the moment

To grieve

To turn writer’s block into an exposé

Made up of pretty sounding words


I can’t seem to concentrate

Unless I’m happy

All lemon juice, no sugar

What were you saying about lemonade?

What if that shit expired?

I feel safe in my headspace

And sometimes, I just don’t

I simply wish to enjoy my life

Without feeling like I’m wasting it



Deep down, I bet you know

How to play heartstrings and heartbeats

Until a great song is born

My own insecurities have me thinking I’m delusional

Until you explain yourself

Which is more than others can say

I’m not the only one

Who is into you

But I am the only one

Who is into every part of you

The good and bad

Into loving every part of you

Not to use you


The vibe is right

You can run and hide

I’ll still be right here waiting

For you to come back to life


Don’t speak

Unless you are speaking your truth

You need someone who can keep you grounded

When your head ignores gravity

And someone who lets you fly

When you just need to be happy and survive

You’re like a boomerang in my mind

I’m not complaining

And clearly not impatient

My heart is breaking through my chest


There are times when time lies

It would be easier to blame myself

Than admit that love hurts when it’s real

It’s all I have and I want to share it

I shouldn’t say give it away

Because that leads to self hate

You’re the same way

And that’s why I give you the benefit of the doubt

Your actions and words keep coming full circle

Copyright Unknown

I don’t always know what to say

I don’t always know what to do

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

I get lost and scared

I feel sad, hopeless, and anxious

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

Don’t trust inaccurate perception


You all claimed to know me so well

The truth is, you never knew me at all

My personality, interests, and dreams

Are too mutable to fit a mold

I only chase the sun when it shines

And when it rains, it pours and I cry


I haven’t believed in myself enough

I let fear drive me crazy

Now, I’m noticing a change

Nothing is flawless

But I finally know what happiness is

Don’t act like you know best

When you barely understand

What I’ve been through

What I’m still going through

When you don’t even try


Forever asking myself

Does this feel like me?

So Worried // No Worries

I was encouraged to grow up too fast

I didn’t know I had a choice

That opportunity was always taken away

Until it was buried six feet under

Until I can only be free

One night at a time

And even that sometimes feels wrong

Because that darkness is too dark

I can’t win

Everyone says I am light

Therefore, I am

But that’s just not always the case

I accept death

Yet, the thought still rattles my hollow bones

And breaks my broken heart

To this day, there is nobody

Other than me

Who knows me inside out

Who can read me



Criticism and love are not the same

Love doesn’t leave bruises and cuts

On the skin or soul

I can’t take c’ est la vie

Or carpe diem “advice” seriously

You don’t know what it’s like

Until it happens to you

Or someone you love

A stigma cannot be fought

By adding to it

I am a scar

I’ve written about this before

Why am I so quiet?

Well, I’m not anymore

You’re just not listening

Unless the words are what you want to hear

Why are you so loud

Without thinking or empathizing?


Sunday sadness

Seeps into every day of the week

All my life,

Never realized

Because I didn’t understand yet


They told me I’m pretty

When I hated looking in the mirror

A picture perfect picture

Instead of a person

Today, my feelings are less mixed [up]


Worth it

Worth what?

Don’t tell me what to do

Unless I need you to

Maybe she’s worth it

Worth what?

Being broken like an attacked heart?

Don’t touch me

I’ll figure out how to fix me


They said be the best

What if that’s not what I can be?

They said try your best

I tried and tried and tried and…

I get worse instead of better

I hope that someday my tomorrow

Will have better weather


I have trouble letting go

Unless I’m on the edge of falling

Off the face of the brutal earth

Fighting to be happy

Fighting to live for as much as possible


I’m tired of losing track of chances

Giving them away until I don’t want them back

I’m so tired

Because I overthink

Instead of getting enough sleep

Help me

Save me

It’s never too late to drown

… I scare myself sometimes


Just because I’m sitting still

Doesn’t mean I’m not moving

The gears in my mind

Are always turning

Even when I have writer’s block

My stomach is often churning

And I forget to breathe

Tug-of-war between my head and heart

I don’t give up

Let me rest in peace