Shadows and Reflections

Mirrors in a circle

Cult of one

Red roses scattered

Among the shattered glass

Each piece labeled

With a forgotten value

Each petal somehow still hopeful

 

Life has been

A rose-colored nightmare

Do I recognize myself?

I won’t know

Until the storm passes again

I’ve lost count

Of how many times

I have died

 

Haunted by the ghosts

Of all of my selves

Too quiet

Too loud

Too much

Not enough

Yet, I never gave up

 

I thought that I was okay this time

My mind sure loves to

Play tricks on itself

Someday, I will be

On the Outside of Introspection

I’m tired of feeling like I have to

Censor my truth

I’m the predator and the prey

Of my self-worth

Trust me, I’m more scared of myself

Than I am of you

 

Don’t let me go

Unless you’d rather use me

Than care about me

In that case, I’d be happy to lose you

If it means finding the better parts of me

 

I need time alone

Forlorn and proud

But I can’t stand being away

From those I love for too long

Some may call me clingy

At least my heart is genuine

I’d rather not be awake from dusk to dawn

Crying

 

I’m a synthesized sunset

With eyes that are windows

To every soul

Shy petals

Blooming and blossoming

From both lips

And between my hips

 

Deceive me once

Shame on me for giving my all to you

Deceive me again and again

For your personal gain

Fuck you

It’s not my responsibility to be you for you

 

I’m a future tattoo

A shard of stained glass

A bloodstained word vessel

Bursting at the seams

 

I’m the personification

Of a broken heart

That is slowly learning

To love itself

My head is so full of dreams

I’m in the process of flinging them

Into my reality

Until the nightmares and dead serotonin

Don’t stand a chance

 

I went from a little white lie

To an empty picture frame on a bedside table

Getting lonely

Anxiously waiting to be filled

With tattered memories

If you’re able to save me,

You’ll awaken my ability

To save you too

 

I’m a clean mess

A backyard ocean

An evanescent goddess

Imperfect, but fearless

On the inside

Haunted

You live to be the star

That I chase

But lately, more than ever

You’ve become the dark side of my moon

I feel like I’m losing control

Of my own life

Even though I’ve been in control all along

 

You help me

You hurt me

You heal me

You love me

I’m alone inside you

 

I lose sleep when I’m awake

You are awake when I’m asleep

Why am I always happy and sad

At the same time?

Feeling numb is even worse

 

You are a haven

For angels and demons

I adore and hate you for it

Getting lost in you is

A coping mechanism

But how do I cope with you?

 

My cheeks are wet

It’s hard to see the bright side

When it seems so far away

And I keep running out of time

But if time is an illusion,

Why can’t I just sit down and breathe?

 

There’s blood on the walls

Writing the words

That I’ve always happily choked on

There’s blood on the walls

Even though it’s invisible to others,

I know that it’s there

Aching to break through my veins

You warned me to break free from you

When will I listen to my own advice?

 

I am not possessed

This is who I am

The pain in the beginning

The static in the middle

Will all be worth it in the end

Life is worth living

 

I cannot blame you

Without blaming myself

Because I am you

Therefore, I have more power than I realize

 

There’s blood on the walls

It will dry and form scars

Life is still worth living

Your intoxication will never be gone

That doesn’t mean I have to give in to your night

I’m going to live for the day

When you’re dead to me