I Will Be Okay (“I’m Not Okay” Part 3)

I relapsed and I regret it

Wearing my heart hidden under my sleeve

As soon as I fix a broken part

It breaks again

And all I want to do is give up

If it would mean more sleep

But that’s just blissful ignorance

 

I relapsed and I regret it

It was the heat of the moment

Rational thoughts were struck by bullets

For years, I built up walls

To protect myself from growing pains

But as I age, they decay

And I can’t save them

 

I relapsed and I regret it

All of my darkness has come to stand in the spotlight

Yet, I’m the one being blinded

It didn’t have to be this way

I need to swallow my pride before I choke on it

It doesn’t have to be this way

I want to get better

And this time, I mean it

 

I can’t afford to relapse again

I’m usually so much stronger than this

But this is my new beginning

Not the end

Secrets

Maybe I’m tired

Of waking up on the floor

Maybe I’m tired

Of being a fighter

Maybe I’m tired

Of crying

Maybe I’m tired

Of trying

Maybe I’m just tired

 

The world’s a mess

But so am I

Walls come down

And I just lie

 

I told you

About the little things

That always make me smile

But I didn’t tell you

That I broke down last night

I keep telling you

That the future is bright

But I never tell you

About the times

I picked up the knife

 

Maybe I’m fine

Always being alone

Maybe I love you

More than you could ever know

Maybe I want to write down

All the stories I never told

Maybe all I need

Is a hand to hold

Maybe I’ll never stop

Pushing you away

Maybe one day

You will stay

 

Hearts are breaking

Open your eyes

My will to live is dying

And I just hide

 

They know me

But they don’t see me

They tell me the truth

But they don’t show me

All I can do

Is be there for you

 

I know the little things

That always make you smile

Last night, we smiled until it hurt

I told you about that time

I put down the knife

Together, we can heal

We will be alright

Even the strongest

Are weak sometimes

Recovery

Been taking shortcuts through alleys

All pain hit at night

Time to get back on my feet again

What I did wasn’t a pretty sight

Real fear was near

Now I’m back in the game

Everything is okay

I’m making a recovery

 

I dove right into the deep end

What the hell was I thinking?

I thought I could handle it

Turned out my strength was just weakening

No control

No rationality

Amazing how barely anyone could see

All the stress taking its toll on me

 

I thought letting loose was the answer

But I loosened until I was a heap

Of yarn on the ground

Now I’m no coward

Yet I flinched at every sound

 

Breaking through the barriers

We’ll get through this together

There should be no boundaries

To happiness recovering

 

It’s never easy

Ditching addictions

No one likes change

Even if it’s for the better

 

Went a little crazy

Shattered until I could take no more

But I need some fair weather

Open a new door