What the Inside of a Broken Heart Looks Like

Do I still remember

Who the real me is?

Has there ever been a time

When I didn’t feel like

There’s something missing?

Body, mind, soul, and heart all connected

By a broken thread

 

All I know is that I don’t know

I either feel too much or nothing at all

And suddenly, I can’t breathe

 

Cold coffee from being left out and forgotten about

Leftover tear stains on the pillowcase

Visits to every type of doctor’s office more nerve wracking than before

I just want to be okay

Is that too much to ask?

 

Unable to admit when I need someone

Until I’m alone

I want to know what love is

So I can show myself that it exists

 

Run Like Everything and Nothing Depend On It

Opposites attract

The act of coming undone is never done

Souls collide

Souls collapse

Veins open

Logical minds close

New story on the same page

 

Reservoir of aquamarine tears

Familiar faces murdered by strangers

Keep going

It does and does not matter

 

Could you be any more shallow?

It’s not that deep

Floating where we once drowned

Drowning where we once floated

 

There’s plenty of room for no more

Blind with open eyes

Secrets between the lines of the truth

Somebody may or may not save you

Let’s celebrate

Dig down deeper

We lived and came back to death

They Say If You Dream a Thing More Than Once, It’s Sure to Come True

Fabricated nonfiction- yikes

Fiction based on reality- yikes, but meaningful

Pay attention

Everybody’s got a story to tell

 

My vision may not be 20/20

But I’m not blind to what goes on around me

If you could feel

Everything that I feel

On any given day or night,

Would you want to live or die?

 

Running in imperfect circles

Words in the form of jagged lines

Sometimes, I start writing something

Just to see what happens

Provoking a concept

Provoking myself

Provoking my will to live

Several pages later

Better late than never

 

The more exhausted I get with life,

The less frequently I wear a bra

And what about it?

My golden body, my golden rules

 

Making a mental getaway

Do not disturb

You’ll remember my name

Why wait until my funeral to read this?

On a “I don’t care what you think of me” wave

Depending on the context of the situation of course

Living in an age

Where clowns lead parades

 

But enough about me

How are you?

Are you making the time and space

To be both selfless and selfish too?

 

Even With Your Imperfections, You Can Do Anything

Even when you walk alone,

You walk with your head held high

Even when you are patronized,

Your smile stretches a mile wide

 

When you don’t have a clue what you’re doing,

You keep going

When you finally figure it out,

It can still change

 

Surrounded by chaos

And you remain true to yourself

Yelled at, deceived, hurt

And you continue to heal

Breath stolen by black holes

You take it back every time

 

When made to feel small,

You grow

When you find yourself lost,

You follow the star in your heart

They tried to hold you back

They can’t reach you anymore

 

Skin wasn’t glowing yet

Your soul always did

Walls weren’t strong enough

But you were and continue to be

Your heart breaks easily

But it wasn’t true love in the first place

Avalanche of expectations from onlookers

You created your own happiness

 

Everything has gotten worse and harder

Everything has also started looking up and getting better

Intrusive thoughts are violent

Your mindset encourages you to be a pacifist

In the war within your head

If someone appears to have more,

That does not make you worth any less

 

Note to self

Look at how far you’ve come

Look at how close you are

To the next chapter

With every scar and flaw,

You are writing it

Kaleidoscope

Darkness

All around me

But I’m not sticking around

I will paint a clear sky

Even if it kills part of me

Hold my hand until I can stand on my own

Holding myself accountable

For what I can and cannot control

 

Strong winds yanked open the door

The world is colorful after all

Soaking in a porcelain bathtub

Of neon gems

 

I’m spilling every detail

A little bit at a time

Ink bleeding waterfalls

Across each page and screen

Trying not to fall again

To recuperate

So far, sometimes good

 

How many strangers

Have seen me at my worst?

More than I ever thought would

More than I ever thought I would allow

It was my guardian angel’s compromise

The safest way out

Life is a rollercoaster and I feel sick

Life is a highway and I keep getting stuck in traffic

Autobiographical

Drawing a blank right now

Can’t constantly be creative on call

I plan to improvise

Be spontaneous to strategize

 

I am and am not broken

Can’t think of anything I’m infamous for

Yet, I still feel guilty

Even though I give selflessly

Must be the water sign in me

With a splash of anxiety

 

Not sure if tiredness being part of my personality

Was a natural occurrence

Or man made

Guess it was both

 

With how much I survive

From thinking and dreaming,

I was ready to start writing

Before I started speaking

 

I am love and passion intertwined

Deprivation

Where do ashes land after the wind blows?

Broken dishes

Shattered hearts

The sleeping undead

Acrobatic arrows

Hitting their target

Every single time

I don’t know how to cope with reality

So I dip my brush in the abstract acrylics

And I don’t care if none of this makes sense

If I can put up with my traumatized nonsense

For my entire life

Then you can for a few minutes

 

Craving a getaway from everything

Because everything can be too much

My heart is soft, but rough to the touch

My pen brings a chaotic ambiance

Cursed in all of the best and worst ways

Like my life

Choking the life out of me

I know how to cope with darkness

But it never gets any easier

Are bloodstains emotionally permanent?