The Unsolved Elixir

Medicating the medicine

More than fifty states of mind

Talk about their god complex

What about my savior one?

Want to be right so bad

That you lean the wrong way

 

No cure

Just temporary fixes

Massive build-ups and releases

“Crying doesn’t solve anything”

Sometimes, it solves everything

 

Closed heart surgery

The head and the heart

Oh how they fall apart

We all fall apart

We all fall down

Rise back up

And fall back down

Equations

When are you going to be good at math?

Why are you so quiet?

Why are you the way that you are?

Did you know that you’re still the same and changing?

It doesn’t matter

 

Why aren’t you more confident?

What do you have to be insecure about?

You’re such a nice girl!

Therefore, you must be nice all the time 

Even when you’re disrespected and put down 

Wow

 

When are you going to have your first date?

Your first kiss?

Your first relationship?

When are you going to lose your virginity?

When the time is right and I’m ready

 

Since you’re already *insert age here*,
What do you want to do with your life?

When are you going to get your driver’s license?

When are you going to graduate?

When are you going to get married?

When are you going to have kids?

Please leave me alone

 

Why won’t you tell every person

Inside and outside of your life

Every single detail of your personal life?

When will you stop being depressed?

When will you stop being anxious?

 

You don’t need to know everything about me

To care about me

Mental health is real

For the most part, I’m happy, healthy, and alive

My love and body are my prerogative

Don’t let anyone make you feel less than

For being human

On your own timeline and at your own pace

The human race is not a race

 

 

Code Yellow

You hit me with dismissive gestures

As though to forestall your inconvenient obsession

With how I live my life

I’m coming into my own as a person

Which puts you on red alert

But I’m taking back my happiness

 

You go on about your great day after day

Sorry to say it

But truth be told, I’m never really that comfortable

I feel like I subconsciously set myself up for mental breakdowns

I try so hard to make other people happy

Then get frustrated and feel terrible

When I can’t do the same for me

 

I don’t care if you call me overdramatic

It’s okay to not be okay

I don’t care if my decisions seem erratic

It’s taken a lot of willpower

To get to where I am today

Problem Solving

What does the life of future me look like?

If I don’t even know,

Then neither does anyone else

I found my mind, but it’s heavy

 

Slippery slope shot and missed

Death is dead

I don’t feel like I won anything

 

If I said that I’m not fine,

Don’t tell me that I am

Please don’t lie to me

Because you wouldn’t if you gave a damn

 

There are too many people that feel like this

That live like this

A fix is not a cure

Goodbyes are hard

Whether dragged out or cut short

No longer ignored

At the same time, has gotten worse

 

You’re listening, but you don’t hear us

You care, but not until it’s too late

You hear us, but you’re not listening

Broken and alone, we carry the weight

Our well-being is not a burden

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Not So Nice

Sputtering words like too much maple syrup

Hitting the showers to be alone

I’ve got the practice

I’ve got the experience

National parks of motivation dying off

Yet, multiple halls of fame for ambition

I would rather travel than time travel

Regrets won’t ever not be painful

 

Crave something sweeter

It takes time to be satisfied

If you make it to that point

You have appeal

If you’re not satisfied with your life yet,

Then spice it up

I keep losing my balance

Some part of me is always hurting

Is there such a thing as an easy process?

 

I want to be busy being free

So that the days won’t feel so long and empty

Or short and fatal

I can’t come up with an excuse

When I’m trying to tell the truth

I’m fine in this moment

Nobody and nothing to compare

Let me be okay, alright?

 

Another night

Living out a dream

Another night

Lost in a carbon monoxide cloud

In my own head

I refuse to just sit and stay

I’m finding my place of peace

I’m running to you

That’s where I am

Island

What’s the problem?

Self care took a vacation

What’s living good for now?

Waking up stopped being exciting

Overdosed on temporary happiness

Until permanently sad

The world is spinning too fast now

Some people leaving a bad taste

Bored without control over another

Inverted mirror

Evidence out in the open

One true purpose

Start saying no to the yes men

What’s the solution?

A problem can escalate to a crisis

But it doesn’t have to be battled alone

Especially when the battle is constant

Please stick around

One day, paradise will be visible

Like open eyes

My Little Eulogy

Here lie all of your assumptions about me

I may not be what you expected of me

But I am who I was meant to be

What’s meant to be will be

I had to teach myself how to swim

When all I learned from you

Was how to drown

 

The more that I heal,

The more like me I begin to feel

As interested as you are in my life,

You will never know the whole story

Until I’m ready to tell it

 

You don’t get access to me

No strings attached

Why are people so entitled to other people?

Whether by blood, friendship, romantic attachment, or idol

 

If you make or have made me

Hate myself in any way,

You’re hard for me to love and trust

That’s just the way it is

If you’re not all bad in my heart,

In my eyes,

In my mind,

You could earn your place back

You’ll just have to be patient

 

PSA: triggers aren’t jokes

Your “slip up” could destroy someone

Especially when they’re trying to get better

Getting high from someone’s low points

Doesn’t make you clever or endearing

You’re garbage and you’ll stay that way

While we’re flying

The afterlife should be teaching

How to take lessons to the grave

For history to repeat

So Worried // No Worries

I was encouraged to grow up too fast

I didn’t know I had a choice

That opportunity was always taken away

Until it was buried six feet under

Until I can only be free

One night at a time

And even that sometimes feels wrong

Because that darkness is too dark

I can’t win

Everyone says I am light

Therefore, I am

But that’s just not always the case

I accept death

Yet, the thought still rattles my hollow bones

And breaks my broken heart

To this day, there is nobody

Other than me

Who knows me inside out

Who can read me

 

 

Criticism and love are not the same

Love doesn’t leave bruises and cuts

On the skin or soul

I can’t take c’ est la vie

Or carpe diem “advice” seriously

You don’t know what it’s like

Until it happens to you

Or someone you love

A stigma cannot be fought

By adding to it

I am a scar

I’ve written about this before

Why am I so quiet?

Well, I’m not anymore

You’re just not listening

Unless the words are what you want to hear

Why are you so loud

Without thinking or empathizing?