Loss of Power

Cut the power cord

Pucker up for the limelight

I’m smiling in my mind

Unfair system override

 

I’m all out of heartbeats

But I don’t want a transplant

I’m all out of fucks to give

But there are certain things I care a lot about

I can leave the wounds alone

But I can’t forget that they are there

Sleep the days away

Dream the nights away

 

Everyone’s demands take a backseat

To my worth

I need to be stable

Cremate me in my own tears

 

Complex ruler

I don’t self-medicate

I medicate the self

Hooked on satisfaction

Even when it makes me feverish

My life is an indie movie

And I’m a method actress

 

Fading into falling apart

A sinner until that daylight hits

It’s never over

Power comes from loss

I’m ready to go, but I don’t want to get up

Reaching my high

In my lost mind

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It’s Getting Dark

Once I’m in, all I want is out

I’ll never be the same

But I saw the opportunity and took it

Vampire bites and dreams of games

That are constantly played in real life

Little did my inner child know

Forced pity makes me sick

I don’t need it from you if it’s nothing more than a requirement

 

I think a part of me is scared to achieve

Because it could be taken from me

I know I should be living for myself

So, don’t abuse my love because I still need to use it

 

I join to avoid

It’s no problem

The air is getting heated

We have to suffocate to enjoy the party

They took the red pill and they took the blue

I cried in the bathroom and took the purple

It’s all uphill from here

Because I’ve already been down

Time to be more alone than feel it

 

Caught in the pouring rain

With no idea what kind of moment to have

To let it be depressing

To come alive

Or ignore it

Just another rainy day or night

A member of too many cliques to count

And every single one has a loose screw

Autopsy

I returned from a war that never ends

Fighting a losing battle that I sometimes win

I want to be known, but invisible

Don’t say my name, but also do

My heart screams to the heavens

From the underworld

Raised to appreciate the spotlight and attention

But I need time to withdraw to survive

 

Confidence is my question that has no answer

“Just do this, just do that”

”Just be this, just be that”

”Just say this, just say that”

Listen, you can’t just throw me into open season

I am bold on my own terms

 

Shy to sassy like flicking a light switch

Writing mental prescriptions for adrenaline and sedatives

Naked in the sky with diamonds

Then, running to hide behind the next lunar eclipse

I’m not ready until I say so

But as soon as I am, you’ve got a big storm coming

 

An affinity for morbid humor and a habit of biting my tongue

A vice of a desire to hurt and a longing to heal

I’d rather cry every day than feel numb

I’m not afraid to be open anymore

Not completely unafraid though

But I’ll make it work

Moments of Weakness

Strength in numbers until the numbers are overwhelming

You could be drenched in sweat

And I’d still run into your arms

I seldom follow my own advice

And have to keep re-learning lessons

Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out

And sometimes I feel like growing it out

Longing for shelter until it buries me

 

Too hot

Too cold

Deep in the goal of escaping anyone and anything narrow

It’s like the only time I truly embrace fear

Is when I embrace happiness

That “letting go” that everyone speaks of

I needed to take a break

To take a break from breaking

 

I don’t feel accomplished

But I do feel somewhat alive

That’s a head start in my tired, ocean eyes

Pull me out of my own head

I’d prefer to drown in anything else right now

Even if it’s you and you can’t stay

 

I’ve got everybody fooled

Until I can’t take it anymore

That’s what inner strength is for

Stretching the truth until you understand the whole truth

 

I recognize my reflection

The smile pushes through the desert

I’m still falling

My feet just want to land, but there’s no solid ground

Legendary

What day is it?

They’re all starting to bleed together

I like growing my bangs out

So that they can’t see me cry

They hate it when I cry

It’s a painful sight

Imagine how I feel

 

Why hit me with your best shot

When you could just try not to hit me

I’m not who I used to be

I am unapologetically me

This hurts, but I know it will be worthwhile

I’ve been washed away

That’s when I found the sweetest shore

The needle in the haystack got swallowed by my heart

I can’t dance without tears in my eyes

 

How am I?

How am I?

How am I not insane?

All work and no play

Nearly killed me

All play and no work

Also nearly killed me

 

Awake and asleep at the same time

What time is it?

That’s dominated so much of my life

That it barely matters anymore

Am I starting to deteriorate again?

I swear that I didn’t mean to

 

I’m always at my best

After I fall apart

Why is that?

Brave and Covered in Blood

The sound of silence can be deafening

Standardization was never enough to fix us

Chaotic good is my hero

Wearing white in hopes of being stained red

Blood red, cheered up with wine

Your closest family and friends aren’t that innocent either

Change is the devilish angel there is

Are you in or out?

 

Battle cry of the breakthrough battle

Previously hidden confidence

The sharpest sword is combining it with vulnerability

 

Take a piece of me

But it will always come back to me

Cut me open

And I’ll sew my own stitches

Spill my guts

I swallow truth until I’m broken enough

To break you

Strike you like a viper and you never saw it coming

 

Delicate, sensitive, but not weak

Stab my heart and I only get stronger

Play me for a fool

And I’ll prey on the predator

 

Sleeping Beauty became nightmare fuel

Suffocate me

And I learn to breathe more freely

Kill me

And I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life

And into the afterlife

The wicked deserve no rest

The damsel-in-distress always had dreams

I’ve always been so sweet and put together, right?

But everything is not what it seems

Pages

Abandoned bookshelves abandoning ship

Broken records are reminiscing

To go out or stay home begins to feel like a life or death decision

Even though it isn’t

 

Talk it up

The more words used, the more enlightening

If we ever feel better,

We could always feel like this

 

When did smiling start to feel like a chore?

Losing track of time without caring about caring

Not alone when I want to be and alone when I don’t

I’m older now and I don’t know how to feel about it

 

Sometimes, I want to run away

Just drop everything and find something life-changing

But I don’t want to feel like I’m running from something

A chance to fight a fear and win

We’re all so competitive and packing pride

We’re all so afraid and fragile

Losing sight of the end of the dream

 

You’re older now and you wish you knew how to feel about it

But there’s no instruction manual

So, we laugh at everybody’s contradictions

And fall apart when we run out of pages