What?

Once again,

I reprogrammed my brain wrong

I can receive all of the advice, encouragement, and criticism

In the world

But in the end, it’s up to me

Looking back and comparing then to now

Really breaks and soothes my heart

I know what’s best for me

Exactly how much do I believe it though?

Self-sabotage party for one

Like my soul is decomposing

Playing with fire

Because I believe in magic

Optimistic optical illusions

I don’t know what I miss more

I kind of wish

That expectations didn’t exist

They’re so divisive

High and low through highs and lows

Rarely correlate

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

Thanks for picking me up

And being patient with me through all of this

Sensitive

I could never be stoic

It’s impossible

I’ve got the world on my shoulders

And the world’s emotions in my heart

Being sensitive doesn’t mean

That I’m stupid, weak, or naive

My heart beats for love

And that gives me all of the strength

That I could ever need

You don’t know what I’m thinking

But I know how you’re feeling

Because I likely feel it too

Tender and tough

I won’t hide how I feel

Or how you make me feel

For your comfort

I feel with my whole body

Taking over all of my thoughts

Never really over

I’m a sensitive soul

Must be where my wisdom comes from

There is no textbook

That can teach you life lessons

There is no shame or abnormality

In having and showing feelings

It’s contagious

Overwhelmed with tears, smiles, screams, conversations, and silence

It’s not easy

But I wouldn’t change it

I was born ready

Therapy Session With Myself

Damn, where is time going?

I’m seriously starting to think that it’s not just me

It gets tiring and stressful

And hard to find the right words to start

I need to start surrounding myself

With more positive vibes and energy

Because I’ve been experiencing

So much personal inner turmoil

And absorbing all of the negativity around me lately

I need to better practice self-care,

Throw myself into my passions,

And apply that same work ethic

To my responsibilities

I need to be more open with the people

Who both care about me and can understand

Exactly what I’m going through

I need to remember

That I don’t have to fight every battle

And deal with everything alone

I could love myself more,

But I don’t hate myself

I need to not be so hard on myself

Because not everything is my fault

And when something is my fault and/or I could improve,

I need to stop burying it

Until it explodes later on

I have the power

To make certain changes in my life

And I need to practice what I preach

Only then, will I reach my full potential

And truly feel healthy

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

Socially

Spiritually

Please Hold On

Spending some time alone is much better than

Being in a toxic relationship

With yourself

Leave that and stay alive

 

One more day

One more night

And another

And another

It’s going to be alright

 

Put the harmful objects down

And pick yourself up

It’s too easy to fall over the edge

You are still here

Not everyone who will love you

Has met you yet

 

One more word

One more touch

And another

And another

Until it doesn’t feel like too much

 

Your existence is not a sin

Breathe out and in

There are so many people in awe of you

And all that you do

The evil voice in your head is wrong

 

You’re not alone

You’re never alone

You’ve never been alone

Somebody has been where you are

Has felt how you feel

Could even be going through it

Right along with you

From the bottom of rock bottom

To the top of the world

My Heart Seems to Become More Open Every Time It Breaks

Small town girl

Big city girl

Suburban gothic

In my sometimes lonely world

 

You cut me open

And I never stop bleeding

Even after that wound heals

I’m an emotional livestream

 

Alone, I fall apart

Alone, I put myself back together

Picking up the pieces

And flinging them like ashes

Into the ocean

 

Cried tears in oceans and rivers

And I’ll do it again

As many times as needed

Low self-worth took a toll on my mental health

But with each lost love,

I learn how to love myself

 

I remember my younger self

And how I always wanted

To make myself proud

From feeling small, I grow

 

I was vulnerable with you

And you took advantage of it

As a result, I found strength in it

And received a kingdom of love

After the reign of pain

 

To figure me out,

You have to figure out my heart

Cheer Down

Hard work doesn’t just build character

It can also tear it down

Talk the talk in public

Cry when alone

 

Every mistake treated like a failure

A wreck

Milestones delayed

 

Ringing alarm clock is a sucker punch

Pre-stressed about future stress

Simultaneously not trying enough

And trying too hard

 

My past and present selves

Constantly battle it out

To stand on the highest step

Cheering up is like finding an anchor

That can float

Marathon

Brains can drop into a split

Health kick

Where do we go when we go?

Fatalities

Quitting

Just keep running

Fans screaming cold air

Don’t know

Silence means everything

What am I becoming?

 

It never stops

Keep going

It never stops

Keep going

 

Breaking the habit

With a quick fix

Catlike facial expressions

 

Give me feeling

Tell me how you feel

I don’t want a lie

Lonely memories

Crowded boredom

It never stops

Keep going

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loud

This is war and I don’t want it

I fight it

Hard to go to bed

Hard to get out of bed

 

Criticized

For every breath I take

Every move I make

Someone is always watching

Sometimes, I would like to be left alone

Even if I’m not busy

 

Voices in my head

In my ear

On my screen

Leave

Get out

Let me be

 

The city lights are pretty

Until they’re too bright

Then you get frightened

By shadows in corners

Crawling up the walls

Waiting for you to fall

So you can be returned to your pedestal

Where you know you don’t belong

The Unsolved Elixir

Medicating the medicine

More than fifty states of mind

Talk about their god complex

What about my savior one?

Want to be right so bad

That you lean the wrong way

 

No cure

Just temporary fixes

Massive build-ups and releases

“Crying doesn’t solve anything”

Sometimes, it solves everything

 

Closed heart surgery

The head and the heart

Oh how they fall apart

We all fall apart

We all fall down

Rise back up

And fall back down

Monochrome

Color

Paint

Draw

Color

By number

All the same

In a simple way

 

Productivity

A mountain to climb

A hill to die on

An illusion to survive on

 

Feelings shiver and shake

Like earthquakes

Changing the groundwork

Laid by heathens and heroes

 

Seeing red

Seeing green

Seeing blind

Seeing the light

One day

Sometimes

At last