Using storm clouds as an umbrella

And they change colors like a mood ring

Haven’t been in love yet

Just loved and sometimes lonely

Been the poison and the victim

At war with thoughts that succeeded

At making me feel worthless

Spending a large part of my life

Believing lies

Even those told by my own brain

My bedroom is my ballroom

Where I try to get lost in music

Or words on paper

Instead of the shadows of myself

Falling out of the sky

With only my corpse to catch me


I’m told I’m loved

Even when I know I can be too much

I’m told I’m never too much

Even when I feel like I’m never enough

I’m told I’m more than enough

I don’t fully believe it

But I almost do


What’s real and what’s fabricated?

The love that exists all around me

That always has and always will

The beauty of my heart, mind, soul, and smile

That shines through, despite the breakage

All of that is irrevocably real

And the fabrication that causes I and millions of others to suffer

Is real and powerful as well

But it can be defeated throughout life’s moments

Because healing is not linear


Nowadays, if I can’t find a safe place,

I build one

I’ve never felt more like myself

Because this is me

I think I’ve finally struck a balance

Between loving and helping others

And myself

I cry when I’m hurting and when I’m not

And that’s okay

Because I’m taking care of myself,

Staying out of harm’s way

Clean isn’t easy

You can’t sugarcoat it

But my truth is that I’m grateful to still be alive

And writing this poem made me cry



What day is it?

They’re all starting to bleed together

I like growing my bangs out

So that they can’t see me cry

They hate it when I cry

It’s a painful sight

Imagine how I feel


Why hit me with your best shot

When you could just try not to hit me

I’m not who I used to be

I am unapologetically me

This hurts, but I know it will be worthwhile

I’ve been washed away

That’s when I found the sweetest shore

The needle in the haystack got swallowed by my heart

I can’t dance without tears in my eyes


How am I?

How am I?

How am I not insane?

All work and no play

Nearly killed me

All play and no work

Also nearly killed me


Awake and asleep at the same time

What time is it?

That’s dominated so much of my life

That it barely matters anymore

Am I starting to deteriorate again?

I swear that I didn’t mean to


I’m always at my best

After I fall apart

Why is that?

Sacred and Unholy

Fallen angels are the new beautiful

Not for their pain

But for the strength

That they possess and spread

Whether or not they know it yet


The flowers blooming on a cactus

Can teach important lessons

The static on the television

Is a home for lost voices

When you least expect it


The snakes lurking in a garden

Can save it

The weeds that they can’t deal with

Make you stronger

Even after they leave

Your love will always shine brighter


I’m good

I’m great

I’m fine

I’m a wreck

I’m not bad

But I could be better

All are okay

Emotional waterfalls are a safe place


Why are broken glass shards of the mind

Treated as society’s trophy

Society’s poison

It’s either be romanticized

Or be stigmatized

No in between

There needs to be an in between

Where it’s more than “demons”

More than “laziness”

He is still human

She is still human

They are still human

We are still human


You deserve to be here

You deserve to genuinely smile

You deserve to conquer your anxieties and fears

No matter how much time it takes

You deserve to have thousands of favorite songs

Your voice belongs

Your wildfires are oceans

Your oceans become rain

Your rain dances through the clouds

Sculpting warmer days


When will they learn

That to truly have a sacred heart

You have to be a little unholy

Your soul and struggles may not be ideal

Aesthetically or reality pleasing

But you are alive

And a part of you always will be