Loud

This is war and I don’t want it

I fight it

Hard to go to bed

Hard to get out of bed

 

Criticized

For every breath I take

Every move I make

Someone is always watching

Sometimes, I would like to be left alone

Even if I’m not busy

 

Voices in my head

In my ear

On my screen

Leave

Get out

Let me be

 

The city lights are pretty

Until they’re too bright

Then you get frightened

By shadows in corners

Crawling up the walls

Waiting for you to fall

So you can be returned to your pedestal

Where you know you don’t belong

Pedestal

You want me to grow

So you make me feel small

You want me to heal

So you reopen old wounds

You want the best for me

So you throw your worst at me

You want me to be happy

So you take my happiness away

I’m your pageant girl!

Oh my god

I’m worthy?

What an honor

Me being free

To express my own emotions

Oh the horror!

I make you so proud

You manipulate others

Into thinking everything’s perfect

That way, they’ll never see

How you manipulate me

What a pretty face I have

What a smart brain I have

What a hard worker I am

What a talent for writing I have

You brag about me in public

And drown me in private

Step on my oversensitive little soul

To inflate your ego

Like a parade float balloon

I’m your prized possession

Your fragile sacrifice

I bet that you believe in the saying

”Blood is thicker than water”

So, how would you react

If you ever discovered

That your baby’s tears

Grew up to be blood

That gushes like a river

Because we are all only human

And walls crumble

And when dams break

Skin is only as tough as porcelain

I’m your favorite decoration

Your brokenhearted doll

Forever questioning myself

Questioning my worth

Because you put me

On a pedestal

Just to bring me down

For the sake of

Raising yourself up

Over the Edge

I know good and well

That I’m flawed

I don’t need your constant reminders

I am so aware

That I make mistakes

I don’t need you to make me feel worse

You think you know me

Yet, treat me like a check box

On your to-do list

You think you’re helping me

But you ignore when I’m drowning

I don’t need saving

 

If you care so much

Then where were you every time

A part of me died

Where the hell were you

When all I needed

Was someone to talk to

You want every pretty piece of me for yourself

Pretty pieces shatter

When you drive them over the edge

This pedestal you put me on

Is way too tall

And if I fall,

I’ll lose it all

 

Life is hard

Life is unfair

We all need someone to love

Someone to be there

I try my best

Sometimes, my flame will flicker out

So, how dare you

Put words in my mouth

You have such a hero complex

You thrive off of hypocrisy

But I’m always learning

And my hero is in me

 

If you want me to fly

Then stop imitating gravity

If you want me to smile

Then stop making me cry

If you want me to be confident

Then don’t be my demons’ friends

If you love me

Then let me write my own story