So Worried // No Worries

I was encouraged to grow up too fast

I didn’t know I had a choice

That opportunity was always taken away

Until it was buried six feet under

Until I can only be free

One night at a time

And even that sometimes feels wrong

Because that darkness is too dark

I can’t win

Everyone says I am light

Therefore, I am

But that’s just not always the case

I accept death

Yet, the thought still rattles my hollow bones

And breaks my broken heart

To this day, there is nobody

Other than me

Who knows me inside out

Who can read me

 

 

Criticism and love are not the same

Love doesn’t leave bruises and cuts

On the skin or soul

I can’t take c’ est la vie

Or carpe diem “advice” seriously

You don’t know what it’s like

Until it happens to you

Or someone you love

A stigma cannot be fought

By adding to it

I am a scar

I’ve written about this before

Why am I so quiet?

Well, I’m not anymore

You’re just not listening

Unless the words are what you want to hear

Why are you so loud

Without thinking or empathizing?

Description

I am alone and not alone

At the same damn time

I set boundaries

And sometimes let people break them

Without realizing

I’m a mess and okay with that

Also, I’m not okay with that

I feel both dead and alive

Remind me that you love me on sight

Maybe I’ll believe you

I can’t be optimistic

Without being pessimistic

And I can’t be pessimistic

Without being optimistic

I have a lot of feelings

Not all of them are even mine

Cerulean Solace

I accidentally broke my own heart again

The dreaded realization

Overthinking like it’s oxygen

But it’s poison

I know that now

The past can’t be changed

Why should I dwell on it

Like I’m going to get a refund?

Floating in a pool of scars

Is better than drowning in them

Each day, I am laughing

More than I’m crying

Instead of dying inside,

I’m in love with who I am

Who I’m becoming

My smile in photographs

Now reflects my reality

Sometimes, I’d make happy memories

But I wasn’t happy

If you think I haven’t suffered

If you think I’ve never hated myself

Enough to hurt myself and hide

If you think I can carry the universe

On my back

And be okay, without a fault or mark

Then you never knew me

As well as you thought

But now, I can say that I’m at ease

And mean it

My skin is a battle wound

I never escaped unscathed

But I’m strong enough to keep fighting

Me, my love, and my words

Wringing out my dirty laundry

Until my mindset is a clear blue sky

And the crows are speechless

I found my purpose

And accidentally fell back in love with life

Our Everything

There’s more on your mind

Than what you let on

I can see it in your eyes

I can hear it in the sky

 

We are an eclipse

Rare, unforgettable, and sometimes unexpected

I know you care about me

Do you realize how much you mean to me?

You’re all over my heart

Like tattoos, rain, belief in heaven, pain

Strong souls jumping in and out

Of smoke and mirrors

 

I fell out of the clutches

Of nightmares

You caught my broken stardust

And granted every wish

I let you in

You let me in

My feelings are an open sunset

Please don’t push me away

 

You think it’s unorthodox

You think it’s amazing

No one’s been so ready and willing

To love you for all that you are

All that you bleed

All that you can be

I’m all in

I’ll always be all in

You won’t lose me

 

I wonder why I bother to try

Is your fire too wild

For my ocean to protect?

Neither of us can be tamed

There’s a plethora of passion and compassion

We made a home

In music and conversations

 

You don’t know what you’ve got

Until it’s gone

Let go of love

But that’s the thing

We’re not going anywhere

I took a chance

And went back to the basics

We set each other free all the time

Some connections are too real to sever

 

For the first time in forever,

I haven’t cried once

Because unlike others,

You actually try not to hurt me

I don’t regret a second of time spent

I don’t regret a single word written or said

Our goodbyes are only temporary

It’s complicated

But damn, it doesn’t need to be

Why can’t you see

That I can give you all you’ve ever wanted?

A like-minded heart

Why hate what reminds you to be happy?

Wasted

You’re living a half life

It’s a miracle that you even survived

You say you won’t make the same mistakes

But you do

Over and over again

You know better

Do better

No, it’s not all your fault

But you shouldn’t be so afraid and ashamed

To ask for help

Don’t tell the ones who care about you

And can help or comfort you

That you’re okay when you’re not

Why would you do that to yourself?

You don’t deserve this harm

You don’t deserve unrealistic expectations

Don’t get sucked into the society around you

You can rise above it all

You are so powerful

You are so strong

You are so beautiful

Every fiber of your being

What makes you think

That you’re not capable?

Whenever it feels like the end

Please remember

That you’re just getting started

Before the mirror was clean,

Before I really saw you,

The dark circles on top of dark circles

The storms on your skin

The avalanches of tears

The forced smile

The trembling hands

The breaths of panic

The trouble sleeping

The intrusive thoughts

The purposeful isolation

Oh my angel

My home

My love

We were trapped in a dream world

Drowning, crumbling, fading away

By the day

You don’t need to smooth out your edges,

Tell the whole world your deepest, darkest secrets,

Be calculated, perfect, or open 24/7

But it is time to find our strength

Your belief in yourself

And hold onto them

Share your heart

While setting boundaries

And consistent standards

It isn’t automatic

But you can do it

I will