Sadness

Using storm clouds as an umbrella

And they change colors like a mood ring

Haven’t been in love yet

Just loved and sometimes lonely

Been the poison and the victim

At war with thoughts that succeeded

At making me feel worthless

Spending a large part of my life

Believing lies

Even those told by my own brain

My bedroom is my ballroom

Where I try to get lost in music

Or words on paper

Instead of the shadows of myself

Falling out of the sky

With only my corpse to catch me

 

I’m told I’m loved

Even when I know I can be too much

I’m told I’m never too much

Even when I feel like I’m never enough

I’m told I’m more than enough

I don’t fully believe it

But I almost do

 

What’s real and what’s fabricated?

The love that exists all around me

That always has and always will

The beauty of my heart, mind, soul, and smile

That shines through, despite the breakage

All of that is irrevocably real

And the fabrication that causes I and millions of others to suffer

Is real and powerful as well

But it can be defeated throughout life’s moments

Because healing is not linear

 

Nowadays, if I can’t find a safe place,

I build one

I’ve never felt more like myself

Because this is me

I think I’ve finally struck a balance

Between loving and helping others

And myself

I cry when I’m hurting and when I’m not

And that’s okay

Because I’m taking care of myself,

Staying out of harm’s way

Clean isn’t easy

You can’t sugarcoat it

But my truth is that I’m grateful to still be alive

And writing this poem made me cry

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Legendary

What day is it?

They’re all starting to bleed together

I like growing my bangs out

So that they can’t see me cry

They hate it when I cry

It’s a painful sight

Imagine how I feel

 

Why hit me with your best shot

When you could just try not to hit me

I’m not who I used to be

I am unapologetically me

This hurts, but I know it will be worthwhile

I’ve been washed away

That’s when I found the sweetest shore

The needle in the haystack got swallowed by my heart

I can’t dance without tears in my eyes

 

How am I?

How am I?

How am I not insane?

All work and no play

Nearly killed me

All play and no work

Also nearly killed me

 

Awake and asleep at the same time

What time is it?

That’s dominated so much of my life

That it barely matters anymore

Am I starting to deteriorate again?

I swear that I didn’t mean to

 

I’m always at my best

After I fall apart

Why is that?

State of Martyrdom

We’ve taken a break from outside communication

To form a deeper understanding of each other

Creating connections for the long run

I’m sleeping awake

While you’re dreaming in front of me

The upside is going down

Insides are spilling out

 

The numbness wears off

When my feelings hone in on you

The air I’m breathing is fresher than before

Yet, the butterflies refuse to migrate

I never said that you’re my only source of happiness

I never said that anything is guaranteed

No one and nothing are in our way anymore

Life has become more “with” than “without”

I can’t change your mind for you

 

Crying about difficulties is much easier

When you know for a fact

That you’re not the only one

Drop the act for just a moment

For the uncensored truth

I seem to find you every time you’re jaded

Look, we match!

Same thing happens when we’re better

 

We’d love to be in love

Circumstance pulls us apart

And slams us back together

Hearts underground like tectonic plates

Surrender to fate

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Not So Nice

Sputtering words like too much maple syrup

Hitting the showers to be alone

I’ve got the practice

I’ve got the experience

National parks of motivation dying off

Yet, multiple halls of fame for ambition

I would rather travel than time travel

Regrets won’t ever not be painful

 

Crave something sweeter

It takes time to be satisfied

If you make it to that point

You have appeal

If you’re not satisfied with your life yet,

Then spice it up

I keep losing my balance

Some part of me is always hurting

Is there such a thing as an easy process?

 

I want to be busy being free

So that the days won’t feel so long and empty

Or short and fatal

I can’t come up with an excuse

When I’m trying to tell the truth

I’m fine in this moment

Nobody and nothing to compare

Let me be okay, alright?

 

Another night

Living out a dream

Another night

Lost in a carbon monoxide cloud

In my own head

I refuse to just sit and stay

I’m finding my place of peace

I’m running to you

That’s where I am

Crisis Craze

I have so much to say

That I don’t always know how to say

That I don’t always know how to say out loud

Current status seems bleak

Not an expert in how to get where I’d like to be

Maybe I got worse for the better

A cause worth celebrating

 

I can’t keep up

But I’m getting there

Just cruising in a getaway car

While the beautiful people are out there

Glamorizing their pure ugliness

 

Cool cat can’t decide

To go inside or outside

Research, contemplation, procrastination

Sum up my life’s education

The glow: coming soon to a theater far away from you

Destination

Not everything is meant to stay the same

My trust is more limited now

And that’s a beautiful thing

Never been a morning person

That doesn’t mean I want to dread waking up

I’d rather throw my problems out the window

 

I know the truth that they refuse to accept

I’ve been writing the words that they’re thinking

But are scared to say

A lane of my own

The murder mystery that helped me figure myself out

Acting like my life’s rightful owner

Too easy

I’m in and you’re out

 

Letting go of who and what poisoned me

Stepping over who and what stifled my creativity

If I’m not growing,

If I’m not happy,

Sorry not sorry, I’ll pass

 

The light doesn’t seem so far away anymore

I can’t let my dreams be stagnant

My love is not real estate

They lied enough to make beds

Now, they can break them like those promises

I’m better off

They may try to come back

But little do they know,

I’m long gone

Infinite

Looking for the stars in the sky

Until you go blind

The key is to think with your own mind

The debate between loneliness and happiness

Been there, done that

How do I numb myself enough

To feel sober?

Time always flies

Falling through dreams

The latest joyride

 

Trying not to live life

Like a corpse

Breathe in and out

Pinwheel steps

Smile every inch forward

Trying not to become satisfied

With feeling sad inside

Butterfly wrists

My story isn’t finished yet

It never even has to be

 

Tell me about the anchors

Weighing on your mind and heart

I will shatter every shard of the mirror

Until you can see who you truly are

You’ve gotten through so much before

And you can do it again

Rain hits skin

Jaded for a real reason [or more]

 

Keep your eyes on your eyes

Almost free

On the journey to embrace

 

Who I am is not where I’ve been

Signs are only signs if they’re unexpected

The universe compressing my chest

Even people you know are still strangers

Love is a force of nature

In every dimension