Therapy Session With Myself

Damn, where is time going?

I’m seriously starting to think that it’s not just me

It gets tiring and stressful

And hard to find the right words to start

I need to start surrounding myself

With more positive vibes and energy

Because I’ve been experiencing

So much personal inner turmoil

And absorbing all of the negativity around me lately

I need to better practice self-care,

Throw myself into my passions,

And apply that same work ethic

To my responsibilities

I need to be more open with the people

Who both care about me and can understand

Exactly what I’m going through

I need to remember

That I don’t have to fight every battle

And deal with everything alone

I could love myself more,

But I don’t hate myself

I need to not be so hard on myself

Because not everything is my fault

And when something is my fault and/or I could improve,

I need to stop burying it

Until it explodes later on

I have the power

To make certain changes in my life

And I need to practice what I preach

Only then, will I reach my full potential

And truly feel healthy

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

Socially

Spiritually

Tangent

There’s nothing I want to forget

Even the negativity

And things I may regret

Because I don’t know

If I’d be happy without them

If I’d be exactly who I am today

Without them

 

I don’t seem to mind being alone

Even when I feel lonely

Someone is always watching

I like being free

 

On the rare occasions

That I write massive paragraphs and posts

About what I’ve been through

Or am going through

I still leave out information

 

I need to go after what I want

Particularly when it comes to love

Fight for it and not so readily sulk in pain and defeat

Love and personal growth are worth the fight

 

It’s okay to be optimistic

Because it can be confidence’s sidekick

But still,

I try to be as realistic as possible

 

I’m the cherry on top

Of an emotional avalanche sundae

”I’m melting! I’m melting!”

Did you hear that?

Of course you didn’t

I don’t feel like yelling

My heart is a halo

Regardless of whether it’s broken or unbroken

 

Broad spectrum of ways to express myself

To document my life

Feeling more confident

Fitting in while standing out

Abundance of outlets

Life could become slightly easier

Still stressed, even when happy

I think I already reached my peak

But I also don’t think I have yet

Maybe I have multiple peaks

Since there’s so many mountains to climb

Heights of every height to reach

I Could Be a Cherry Bomb, But I’ll Never Be Yours

I can tell by the way you look at me

And how you talk to me

That you see potential in me

But when you repeatedly ignore me

Or brush me off for somebody else

It shows that you don’t really care

 

I am everything you want and more

You never wanted me

So, why should I care?

My heart is my home

You have no place here

 

You treat me like I’m second best

I know I am the best

The best you never had

Your hands are red

Broke my heart over and over

Like it was nothing

I’m the type who is willing to give everything

You’re not getting anything

I wish I walked away and stayed away

You’re lucky that I was too nice back in the day

 

It all makes perfect sense now

You’re addicted to using others

For the love that you can’t give yourself

And I was desperate and naive enough

To volunteer as tribute

 

You convinced yourself that you were my savior

I once worshipped you as such

But I’m not your angel

I’ll fall with or without you

Reminding myself that I’ve always been stronger than you

Before Midnight

I lost and found myself

The lost part in San Francisco

Shakily crossing the Golden Gate Bridge

The found part staring back at me

Reflecting on my reflection

And reflections of past lives

Ready, aim, action

What are you doing?

Get louder than words

 

Dream land sails from coast to coast

Trying to understand me

Waiting for a lover who truly understands me

Who can stay by my side

Be my parallel line

 

My version of mindfulness

Is going back to the time

When I didn’t exist yet

If you could start all over,

Would you have let yourself fall?

Apart

In love

Together

 

I just want to get better

Intoxicated, Looking In

Let’s go to outer space

We have nothing better to do

Stranger at first sight

Familiar at first love

Outcasts stay gold

 

Word vomit for the win

Catch a glimpse of my good side

I can tell you’re into it

Broken butterflies for the win

Devour me like romantic poetry

I could easily repay you because I tend to love too much

Take your wine out of the glass and freeze it

You owe me, remember?

 

Painting with rose colors

Rolling around the end credits like sheets

Drink me- I’m the poison and the antidote

 

If nothing makes us happier, we’re blind

If I didn’t pull you to the side, you’d be roadkill

Take this for what it is

You can be such a narcissist

But in the state I’m in, I kind of love it

 

I breathed you in once

And now, I can’t stop

Or I won’t stop

You touched me once

Why stop now?

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Not So Nice

Sputtering words like too much maple syrup

Hitting the showers to be alone

I’ve got the practice

I’ve got the experience

National parks of motivation dying off

Yet, multiple halls of fame for ambition

I would rather travel than time travel

Regrets won’t ever not be painful

 

Crave something sweeter

It takes time to be satisfied

If you make it to that point

You have appeal

If you’re not satisfied with your life yet,

Then spice it up

I keep losing my balance

Some part of me is always hurting

Is there such a thing as an easy process?

 

I want to be busy being free

So that the days won’t feel so long and empty

Or short and fatal

I can’t come up with an excuse

When I’m trying to tell the truth

I’m fine in this moment

Nobody and nothing to compare

Let me be okay, alright?

 

Another night

Living out a dream

Another night

Lost in a carbon monoxide cloud

In my own head

I refuse to just sit and stay

I’m finding my place of peace

I’m running to you

That’s where I am

Take the “F” Out of “Life”

You need a job?

Well, experience is required for experience

You need free time?

Too bad because “time is money”

Control is out of control

I’m tired of repetitive hypocrisy

I’m tired of being tired

Expectations are boring

Common sense is a rarity

Respect is expensive

 

I’m no angel, but I’m definitely not evil

I know that much for sure

I’m not crazy about my complicated existence

But I would go crazy if it were always simple

 

If you need me, you don’t act like it

But honestly, I’m better off healthy

Keeping my distance from those who love with pernicious undertones

Better late than never

I procrastinate until I have no choice

But to overwork myself or fail

Both effects are inevitable

I’m okay now

But everyone wants to get higher

The ultimate fantasy is made up of millions

Of smaller fantasies, larger numbers, and multiple steps

 

Drowning out the negative voices

Inside and outside of my head

And amplifying the uplifting ones

A daily struggle

Heart’s homeostasis

Going through metamorphosis

What’s real that isn’t ruled by fear?

Who really wants to live a li[f]e?

Feel

I guess I need to be fed lies

To stumble upon the truth

I guess I need to let the sadness

That makes me want to die

Become a part of who I am

For “happiness” and “alive”

To take on powerful meanings

Too undefined to set foot in a dictionary definition

It was no surprise

 

I love the light

I love the dark

I love-hate myself

Spin the bottle

It is empty

Because it is full of my loneliness and misery

 

I know what I want and need

I think I know who I want and need

At the same time,

Do I truly know anything?

I would defy logic, space, and time

For the satisfaction of a feeling

I give so much love

That I take any I can get in return

Acceptance is blindly beautiful sometimes

 

Sensitive until numb

Strength and weakness are interchangeable

Reality and illusions

Have correlation to me

If part of my billions of daydreams

Maybe I’m rich!

Maybe I made it!

I feel it

Somewhere

Ripple Effect

Are you living a photoshopped life?

Did you get all you hoped for?

Nostalgia is deadly

 

You didn’t care as much as you said you did

Because when the going got tough,

You never acted like it

But I still fell for it

I made you the center of my world

When you gave a little,

I gave a lot

You’ll observe similarities

But you’ll never meet another me

 

I came running

When you came calling

You’re only not like the others

Because you’re colder

I repaired your confidence

You did the same

Then, made me feel insecure

Again and again

 

We never came to fruition

And I was still loyal to you

I watched you hurt people

And play the victim

What a man

How pathetic

You tried to appear above it

But you loved the rumors and gossip

I was the acidic to your basic

You didn’t have the backbone to admit it

 

You were ashamed of me

Unless I was stroking your ego

And making your heart smile

Behind the scenes

Whenever I’m thriving,

You come crawling

But karma doesn’t care anymore

And neither do I

Your sweet went sour

 

Dear who?

I’m so much better without you

You must be so proud

You’re unable to love yourself

Unless you’re in the presence of someone else

I know you

One day, you’ll face the truth

I’m irreplaceable

And I grew out of you

 

Intentions can be chaotic

When I was younger

If I’d focused more

On the people and passions

That never failed to make me happy

I would’ve been so much happier

I am both the pure, crimson angel

And the blazing scarlet letter

Wasted

You’re living a half life

It’s a miracle that you even survived

You say you won’t make the same mistakes

But you do

Over and over again

You know better

Do better

No, it’s not all your fault

But you shouldn’t be so afraid and ashamed

To ask for help

Don’t tell the ones who care about you

And can help or comfort you

That you’re okay when you’re not

Why would you do that to yourself?

You don’t deserve this harm

You don’t deserve unrealistic expectations

Don’t get sucked into the society around you

You can rise above it all

You are so powerful

You are so strong

You are so beautiful

Every fiber of your being

What makes you think

That you’re not capable?

Whenever it feels like the end

Please remember

That you’re just getting started

Before the mirror was clean,

Before I really saw you,

The dark circles on top of dark circles

The storms on your skin

The avalanches of tears

The forced smile

The trembling hands

The breaths of panic

The trouble sleeping

The intrusive thoughts

The purposeful isolation

Oh my angel

My home

My love

We were trapped in a dream world

Drowning, crumbling, fading away

By the day

You don’t need to smooth out your edges,

Tell the whole world your deepest, darkest secrets,

Be calculated, perfect, or open 24/7

But it is time to find our strength

Your belief in yourself

And hold onto them

Share your heart

While setting boundaries

And consistent standards

It isn’t automatic

But you can do it

I will