Intoxicated, Looking In

Let’s go to outer space

We have nothing better to do

Stranger at first sight

Familiar at first love

Outcasts stay gold

 

Word vomit for the win

Catch a glimpse of my good side

I can tell you’re into it

Broken butterflies for the win

Devour me like romantic poetry

I could easily repay you because I tend to love too much

Take your wine out of the glass and freeze it

You owe me, remember?

 

Painting with rose colors

Rolling around the end credits like sheets

Drink me- I’m the poison and the antidote

 

If nothing makes us happier, we’re blind

If I didn’t pull you to the side, you’d be roadkill

Take this for what it is

You can be such a narcissist

But in the state I’m in, I kind of love it

 

I breathed you in once

And now, I can’t stop

Or I won’t stop

You touched me once

Why stop now?

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Sugar, Spice, and Everything Not So Nice

Sputtering words like too much maple syrup

Hitting the showers to be alone

I’ve got the practice

I’ve got the experience

National parks of motivation dying off

Yet, multiple halls of fame for ambition

I would rather travel than time travel

Regrets won’t ever not be painful

 

Crave something sweeter

It takes time to be satisfied

If you make it to that point

You have appeal

If you’re not satisfied with your life yet,

Then spice it up

I keep losing my balance

Some part of me is always hurting

Is there such a thing as an easy process?

 

I want to be busy being free

So that the days won’t feel so long and empty

Or short and fatal

I can’t come up with an excuse

When I’m trying to tell the truth

I’m fine in this moment

Nobody and nothing to compare

Let me be okay, alright?

 

Another night

Living out a dream

Another night

Lost in a carbon monoxide cloud

In my own head

I refuse to just sit and stay

I’m finding my place of peace

I’m running to you

That’s where I am

Take the “F” Out of “Life”

You need a job?

Well, experience is required for experience

You need free time?

Too bad because “time is money”

Control is out of control

I’m tired of repetitive hypocrisy

I’m tired of being tired

Expectations are boring

Common sense is a rarity

Respect is expensive

 

I’m no angel, but I’m definitely not evil

I know that much for sure

I’m not crazy about my complicated existence

But I would go crazy if it were always simple

 

If you need me, you don’t act like it

But honestly, I’m better off healthy

Keeping my distance from those who love with pernicious undertones

Better late than never

I procrastinate until I have no choice

But to overwork myself or fail

Both effects are inevitable

I’m okay now

But everyone wants to get higher

The ultimate fantasy is made up of millions

Of smaller fantasies, larger numbers, and multiple steps

 

Drowning out the negative voices

Inside and outside of my head

And amplifying the uplifting ones

A daily struggle

Heart’s homeostasis

Going through metamorphosis

What’s real that isn’t ruled by fear?

Who really wants to live a li[f]e?

Feel

I guess I need to be fed lies

To stumble upon the truth

I guess I need to let the sadness

That makes me want to die

Become a part of who I am

For “happiness” and “alive”

To take on powerful meanings

Too undefined to set foot in a dictionary definition

It was no surprise

 

I love the light

I love the dark

I love-hate myself

Spin the bottle

It is empty

Because it is full of my loneliness and misery

 

I know what I want and need

I think I know who I want and need

At the same time,

Do I truly know anything?

I would defy logic, space, and time

For the satisfaction of a feeling

I give so much love

That I take any I can get in return

Acceptance is blindly beautiful sometimes

 

Sensitive until numb

Strength and weakness are interchangeable

Reality and illusions

Have correlation to me

If part of my billions of daydreams

Maybe I’m rich!

Maybe I made it!

I feel it

Somewhere

Ripple Effect

Are you living a photoshopped life?

Did you get all you hoped for?

Nostalgia is deadly

 

You didn’t care as much as you said you did

Because when the going got tough,

You never acted like it

But I still fell for it

I made you the center of my world

When you gave a little,

I gave a lot

You’ll observe similarities

But you’ll never meet another me

 

I came running

When you came calling

You’re only not like the others

Because you’re colder

I repaired your confidence

You did the same

Then, made me feel insecure

Again and again

 

We never came to fruition

And I was still loyal to you

I watched you hurt people

And play the victim

What a man

How pathetic

You tried to appear above it

But you loved the rumors and gossip

I was the acidic to your basic

You didn’t have the backbone to admit it

 

You were ashamed of me

Unless I was stroking your ego

And making your heart smile

Behind the scenes

Whenever I’m thriving,

You come crawling

But karma doesn’t care anymore

And neither do I

Your sweet went sour

 

Dear who?

I’m so much better without you

You must be so proud

You’re unable to love yourself

Unless you’re in the presence of someone else

I know you

One day, you’ll face the truth

I’m irreplaceable

And I grew out of you

 

Intentions can be chaotic

When I was younger

If I’d focused more

On the people and passions

That never failed to make me happy

I would’ve been so much happier

I am both the pure, crimson angel

And the blazing scarlet letter

Wasted

You’re living a half life

It’s a miracle that you even survived

You say you won’t make the same mistakes

But you do

Over and over again

You know better

Do better

No, it’s not all your fault

But you shouldn’t be so afraid and ashamed

To ask for help

Don’t tell the ones who care about you

And can help or comfort you

That you’re okay when you’re not

Why would you do that to yourself?

You don’t deserve this harm

You don’t deserve unrealistic expectations

Don’t get sucked into the society around you

You can rise above it all

You are so powerful

You are so strong

You are so beautiful

Every fiber of your being

What makes you think

That you’re not capable?

Whenever it feels like the end

Please remember

That you’re just getting started

Before the mirror was clean,

Before I really saw you,

The dark circles on top of dark circles

The storms on your skin

The avalanches of tears

The forced smile

The trembling hands

The breaths of panic

The trouble sleeping

The intrusive thoughts

The purposeful isolation

Oh my angel

My home

My love

We were trapped in a dream world

Drowning, crumbling, fading away

By the day

You don’t need to smooth out your edges,

Tell the whole world your deepest, darkest secrets,

Be calculated, perfect, or open 24/7

But it is time to find our strength

Your belief in yourself

And hold onto them

Share your heart

While setting boundaries

And consistent standards

It isn’t automatic

But you can do it

I will 

I’m Not Okay (Part 2)

Sometimes, I’m happy

But other times, it’s only a facade

To hide the fact

That my life is

Falling apart around me

 

I can’t seem to sleep

Until it’s physically impossible

To stay awake

I keep my scars to myself

I don’t want to burden anyone else

So, the scars keep spreading

Ripping through my mind

Irritating my skin

Weakening my body

Like a virus

 

I fear failure

Yet, I fail to avoid it

What happened to me?

As a child, I was so on top of everything

Now, I often feel like a disappointment

With lowered expectations

And stress sea levels rising

 

I know that these storm clouds aren’t normal

This lifeless-eyed puppet isn’t the real me

But how do I heal

When I’m always getting tangled in my strings

Pulled in every direction

Learning how to fly

Only to prefer drowning

In love with a dangerous comfort zone

 

Trapped in a vicious cycle

Of self-love and hate

You take no notice

Even though it’s clear as day

I’m not okay

You only told me to blame myself

Keep my head up

To stop being stupid

And you love me no matter what

You’re worried

But you’re not paying attention to the warning signs

About to spill from my eyes

I’m not good enough

I’m worth so much

What the fuck?

 

I wonder why I don’t seek outside guidance

When it matters the most

I wonder how I’m able to fill myself with positivity

Then be brought down so much

By crushed hope

I wonder how I can live free

When I’m struggling to survive

I wonder how I can become confident and motivated

Like everyone else

When I have the potential

Yet, remain in a dizzy, broken stupor instead

 

I know I’m not the only one

But it’s hard to not feel so alone

When half of my own soul

Is scared to call me home