Infinity and Beyond On High

I never want to change who I am

Everyone else does it for me

Depending on the point-of-view, I’m strong or broken

Joke’s on you because I’m both

And everything in between

 

I’m emotionally overbearing

With an unlimited supply of empathy

I’m guilty of victimizing myself out of fear

Along with falling for other people’s games out of love

I live in an almost constant state of insecurity

I said almost

 

I worry about being unloveable

At the same time, I know for a fact

That I’m so deserving

 

It can take me years to speak up

But when I do, I say it all

Opening the floodgates

I don’t understand the difference

Between love and infatuation

Between true and fake friends

Between genuine family members and selfish manipulators

Until I’ve gotten hurt or taken advantage of

Learned the same lesson again and again

 

I’m amazing in many ways

Beautiful inside and out

I’m a gift to know

And capable of impactful things

I bring light to the darkness

No matter how I’m feeling

I’m a heart-to-heart listener

A potential bestseller

Sweet and smart

Still alive

 

Demons throughout the course of my life,

Online, and in my mind

Told me I’m never good enough

For a multitude of reasons

I beg your fucking pardon

I am a delight

I Could Be a Cherry Bomb, But I’ll Never Be Yours

I can tell by the way you look at me

And how you talk to me

That you see potential in me

But when you repeatedly ignore me

Or brush me off for somebody else

It shows that you don’t really care

 

I am everything you want and more

You never wanted me

So, why should I care?

My heart is my home

You have no place here

 

You treat me like I’m second best

I know I am the best

The best you never had

Your hands are red

Broke my heart over and over

Like it was nothing

I’m the type who is willing to give everything

You’re not getting anything

I wish I walked away and stayed away

You’re lucky that I was too nice back in the day

 

It all makes perfect sense now

You’re addicted to using others

For the love that you can’t give yourself

And I was desperate and naive enough

To volunteer as tribute

 

You convinced yourself that you were my savior

I once worshipped you as such

But I’m not your angel

I’ll fall with or without you

Reminding myself that I’ve always been stronger than you

Out of the Blue

You know what?

You’re a real piece of work

No longer my favorite song

Your ego is louder

Than your comforting words

 

You swore to always tell the truth

That turned out to be a lie

Turned me on and off until my electricity went out

I ate out of the palm of your hand

The result was malnourishment

We weren’t as mature as we thought

 

You are a rainbow

But in the end, I got a pot of coal

Instead of gold

A hurtful parody

Of the saint I romanticized you to be

 

My heart is back where it started

Broken, but still beating

I was so sure that you were yellow like me

But you were blue

I made it out alive

 

Regifted

I’m used to telling you what you want to hear

But there’s always more I wish I could say

This isn’t the way I want my life to stay

Feeling buried alive by the weight of words unsaid

 

You’ve been hiding my gifts

But I’m about to open them

I rarely put myself first

Because I was made to feel like

That’s a foreign concept

Your yes girl is all grown up

 

You tried to convey the message

That being in your presence

Made me lucky

I’m about to limit and close off my inner circle

 

My holidays aren’t happy unless I am

This is the conflict resolution

That the story of my life has been building up to

Even With Your Imperfections, You Can Do Anything

Even when you walk alone,

You walk with your head held high

Even when you are patronized,

Your smile stretches a mile wide

 

When you don’t have a clue what you’re doing,

You keep going

When you finally figure it out,

It can still change

 

Surrounded by chaos

And you remain true to yourself

Yelled at, deceived, hurt

And you continue to heal

Breath stolen by black holes

You take it back every time

 

When made to feel small,

You grow

When you find yourself lost,

You follow the star in your heart

They tried to hold you back

They can’t reach you anymore

 

Skin wasn’t glowing yet

Your soul always did

Walls weren’t strong enough

But you were and continue to be

Your heart breaks easily

But it wasn’t true love in the first place

Avalanche of expectations from onlookers

You created your own happiness

 

Everything has gotten worse and harder

Everything has also started looking up and getting better

Intrusive thoughts are violent

Your mindset encourages you to be a pacifist

In the war within your head

If someone appears to have more,

That does not make you worth any less

 

Note to self

Look at how far you’ve come

Look at how close you are

To the next chapter

With every scar and flaw,

You are writing it

Autobiographical

Drawing a blank right now

Can’t constantly be creative on call

I plan to improvise

Be spontaneous to strategize

 

I am and am not broken

Can’t think of anything I’m infamous for

Yet, I still feel guilty

Even though I give selflessly

Must be the water sign in me

With a splash of anxiety

 

Not sure if tiredness being part of my personality

Was a natural occurrence

Or man made

Guess it was both

 

With how much I survive

From thinking and dreaming,

I was ready to start writing

Before I started speaking

 

I am love and passion intertwined

Cotton Candy

Could love blue raspberry

Could love pink vanilla

Could bring everything together

In a swirl of lavender

 

Dancing on thin ice

Crying and overthinking at night

Eyes adoring every which way

And it feels more than okay

 

Choosing favorite colors of the rainbow

And sliding

Discovery quest

Personal heartbeats handwritten

Signed, sealed, delivered

Secret door held open

 

Still the same person

But a little more free

Counting the stars on skin

The truth lies within

 

Maybe not sure

Maybe definitely

One journey

Sweet victory