A New Kind of Serendipity

I give up

No, I don’t

I’m a waste of space

No, I’m not

My next move is my next goal, big or small

 

My dreams and health come first

Wait your turn

I’m carrying an empty treasure chest inside me

Fill me up buttercup

 

It’s my heaven and I’ll cry if I want to

It’s my graveyard and I’ll die if I want to

Even if I have to fake it

When you won’t let me take my time

 

I’m not what they told me I am

I’m not what I told myself I am

Not the greatest or the worst

But more than I think

And less than a forced pedestal

You’re not who you think you are

You are you!

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Morning Nightmares

Photo album projected from a broken satellite

In outer space

Love came and went

My mind rushes with nowhere to go

Somewhere in a distant sky,

A cloud is caving in

My hand reaches out

And catches air

 

Silently screaming

And I’m the only one listening

Potential lovers

But potential means nothing

If nothing ever happens

Driving ourselves crazy

By driving in circles

 

Make a wish on a beating heart

 

Falling down

For a could have been

No regrets wanted

Feeling a little unwanted

Shove that feeling to the side

 

Even if the timing was wrong,

I know I did everything right

All that’s left to do is cope

Not a new situation, just a haunted portrait

Sleepwalk home

Honey Stain

You’re running away for the thousandth time

Congratulations

Maybe actually improve yourself while you’re at it

 

Stole my heart and locked it in your ribcage

Always came back to you

And you still weren’t satisfied

 

You’ll miss the honey

On your bread

On your fingertips

On your lips

 

Now, her sweetness is saved solely for herself

And eventually, to be shared with someone else

I am the butterfly that came to life

After your bee sting

 

Your mutated neurons continue to fire

But I am sober

Next time you see me, I’ll still have love for you

But at a distance

 

I gaze out windows and let myself be

I stare at the mirror and see better days

Realizing I never needed to be given flowers

Because I can grow my own

Sadness

Using storm clouds as an umbrella

And they change colors like a mood ring

Haven’t been in love yet

Just loved and sometimes lonely

Been the poison and the victim

At war with thoughts that succeeded

At making me feel worthless

Spending a large part of my life

Believing lies

Even those told by my own brain

My bedroom is my ballroom

Where I try to get lost in music

Or words on paper

Instead of the shadows of myself

Falling out of the sky

With only my corpse to catch me

 

I’m told I’m loved

Even when I know I can be too much

I’m told I’m never too much

Even when I feel like I’m never enough

I’m told I’m more than enough

I don’t fully believe it

But I almost do

 

What’s real and what’s fabricated?

The love that exists all around me

That always has and always will

The beauty of my heart, mind, soul, and smile

That shines through, despite the breakage

All of that is irrevocably real

And the fabrication that causes I and millions of others to suffer

Is real and powerful as well

But it can be defeated throughout life’s moments

Because healing is not linear

 

Nowadays, if I can’t find a safe place,

I build one

I’ve never felt more like myself

Because this is me

I think I’ve finally struck a balance

Between loving and helping others

And myself

I cry when I’m hurting and when I’m not

And that’s okay

Because I’m taking care of myself,

Staying out of harm’s way

Clean isn’t easy

You can’t sugarcoat it

But my truth is that I’m grateful to still be alive

And writing this poem made me cry

It’s Getting Dark

Once I’m in, all I want is out

I’ll never be the same

But I saw the opportunity and took it

Vampire bites and dreams of games

That are constantly played in real life

Little did my inner child know

Forced pity makes me sick

I don’t need it from you if it’s nothing more than a requirement

 

I think a part of me is scared to achieve

Because it could be taken from me

I know I should be living for myself

So, don’t abuse my love because I still need to use it

 

I join to avoid

It’s no problem

The air is getting heated

We have to suffocate to enjoy the party

They took the red pill and they took the blue

I cried in the bathroom and took the purple

It’s all uphill from here

Because I’ve already been down

Time to be more alone than feel it

 

Caught in the pouring rain

With no idea what kind of moment to have

To let it be depressing

To come alive

Or ignore it

Just another rainy day or night

A member of too many cliques to count

And every single one has a loose screw

Plot Twist

She seems easy to impress

Is that why you halfheartedly decided to shoot your shot

And it happened to work out?

I was impressed by everything you did too, but what for?

 

She glows by sunlight

Just like you

I glow by moonlight

Guess neither of you can handle the truth

 

What a coincidence

That you can put “poison” in front of her name

And it would make sense

I see a repeat of history in your future

She seems to adore the spotlight attached to your name

 

Maybe I am jealous

But I’m also hurt and betrayed

Sure, I’ll fully get over it someday

But why should I stay silent in the shadows

For your comfort?

 

You lied

In exchange for my honesty

She may have known you for a long time

But I’ve known you longer

We were growing until you started shrinking

You take me all the way to nothing

Because fuck my feelings

 

You can still be a muse

But you won’t catch me wasting any more love poems on you

I never wanted to feel this way

I saw the good in you all the time

Turns out I only paid attention to the good

And when you made your choice behind my back,

I got sunburned

I’m not wrong unless by some miracle, you prove otherwise

And last at least a year together

She can paraphrase what you literally just said

And you see art

I could’ve opened the doors to new dimensions for you

You’re not as deep as you think you are

Keeping my distance so that you’ll have no control over me

My broken heart will also leave a trail of blood

You’ll never have the guts to forget me

I’ll take over the world by storm

Better than you

 

I doubt you’ll even read this

You’re always busy, which translates to self-involved

And if by chance, you are reading this

It’s too late

The plot twist is you didn’t save my life

I did

Fuck your pride

Brave and Covered in Blood

The sound of silence can be deafening

Standardization was never enough to fix us

Chaotic good is my hero

Wearing white in hopes of being stained red

Blood red, cheered up with wine

Your closest family and friends aren’t that innocent either

Change is the devilish angel there is

Are you in or out?

 

Battle cry of the breakthrough battle

Previously hidden confidence

The sharpest sword is combining it with vulnerability

 

Take a piece of me

But it will always come back to me

Cut me open

And I’ll sew my own stitches

Spill my guts

I swallow truth until I’m broken enough

To break you

Strike you like a viper and you never saw it coming

 

Delicate, sensitive, but not weak

Stab my heart and I only get stronger

Play me for a fool

And I’ll prey on the predator

 

Sleeping Beauty became nightmare fuel

Suffocate me

And I learn to breathe more freely

Kill me

And I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life

And into the afterlife

The wicked deserve no rest

The damsel-in-distress always had dreams

I’ve always been so sweet and put together, right?

But everything is not what it seems