Loud

This is war and I don’t want it

I fight it

Hard to go to bed

Hard to get out of bed

 

Criticized

For every breath I take

Every move I make

Someone is always watching

Sometimes, I would like to be left alone

Even if I’m not busy

 

Voices in my head

In my ear

On my screen

Leave

Get out

Let me be

 

The city lights are pretty

Until they’re too bright

Then you get frightened

By shadows in corners

Crawling up the walls

Waiting for you to fall

So you can be returned to your pedestal

Where you know you don’t belong

Tangent

There’s nothing I want to forget

Even the negativity

And things I may regret

Because I don’t know

If I’d be happy without them

If I’d be exactly who I am today

Without them

 

I don’t seem to mind being alone

Even when I feel lonely

Someone is always watching

I like being free

 

On the rare occasions

That I write massive paragraphs and posts

About what I’ve been through

Or am going through

I still leave out information

 

I need to go after what I want

Particularly when it comes to love

Fight for it and not so readily sulk in pain and defeat

Love and personal growth are worth the fight

 

It’s okay to be optimistic

Because it can be confidence’s sidekick

But still,

I try to be as realistic as possible

 

I’m the cherry on top

Of an emotional avalanche sundae

”I’m melting! I’m melting!”

Did you hear that?

Of course you didn’t

I don’t feel like yelling

My heart is a halo

Regardless of whether it’s broken or unbroken

 

Broad spectrum of ways to express myself

To document my life

Feeling more confident

Fitting in while standing out

Abundance of outlets

Life could become slightly easier

Still stressed, even when happy

I think I already reached my peak

But I also don’t think I have yet

Maybe I have multiple peaks

Since there’s so many mountains to climb

Heights of every height to reach

Assistant Vision Board

Your spotlight is invalid

Because you use him and others

To obtain it

That’s why it upsets you

When anyone questions it

 

You’re okay with anybody’s feelings getting hurt

Except yours

Not everyone believes you

But you’re still happy

Since you convinced enough people

To stroke your snake skin

In return, you reward their delusion

 

You give him no space

And treat social media presence

Like it’s some kind of race

You spout hypocrisy like a geyser

And support your fellow freeloaders

You and him don’t even have anything in common

Except for not acting your ages

You keep him immature

To act like his mother- I mean, doting lover

And proclaim him as the love of your life

You can’t wait to have the status

That would come with being his wife

Yet, you cheated on your previous boyfriend to get here

 

You’ve always had a vision board

A master plan

Kept him on the side

Until you had the perfect opportunity to strike

You’re always in need of an assistant

As an opportunist, you slithered into his heart

And thought “tag, you’re it”

All he’s ever wanted was love

But you weren’t worth the wait

With all of your mind games

And the need to always be in control

To always have the upper hand

In a fight that was never fair to begin with

 

You would hang him out to dry

Leave his mental health to die

If he tried to escape

Because that would threaten

Your “ideal” career and lifestyle

On camera, you slap him, yell at him, berate him, and belittle him

You are manipulative out in the open

Ban his interests unless they benefit your special ones

Keep him away from his real friends and close to yours

What goes on behind closed doors?

If the roles were reversed,

He would be crucified

On the Inside, Looking Out

Dancing around my room

To do a deep clean of my soul

Making myself laugh in the bathroom mirror

When it feels like I could cry

Flopping onto my bed, chairs, and the floor

When you’re tired of many things,

You settle for comfortable

 

Familiar surroundings

Associated with familiar feelings

What’s the weather like there?

It’s like me

 

Tell me that time is of the essence

I’ll tell you that time doesn’t exist

Savor it; don’t rush it

Why are we in such a hurry to die?

The truth is juicy shock value

Stages of life claim to be the expectation

Where’s the originality?

Industries came marching in

Disguised as saints

To crush dreams of morning glories

 

Idolizing influencers who are often under the influence

Awards on award shows seem like participation trophies

I could live without my phone

But could you live without judging others?

I doubt that I’m alone in this

Sometimes, I impulsively isolate

It’s nothing personal, but if the shoe fits…

 

I’m inside out of my mind

Always cold, so I parade around

In a bathrobe like it’s a wedding dress

Your normal is my discomfort zone

Love the lonely

The Artist

You wake up inside a dream

But you’re not asleep

It’s all real and it can be a nightmare

They want you to run and hide

Only after performing

For their entertainment

Your feelings are a commodity

Beautiful tragedy

But your dreams are made of

What you make them

Trying not to melt under the pressure

 

I don’t want the glory

Unless it’s for being me

The truth is that I lie sometimes

When asked how I am

I can’t take it anymore

Until I can

 

Loud when I’m low

Why can’t I live and survive

At the same time?

Death is the expected surprise

 

Have it all

And still want more

That’s how they drag you down to their level

And attempt to keep your pain invisible

 

Rip my heart out

And leave it on the ground to bleed

I’ll pick it up later

And share it with the world

 

They almost broke you

Tracing knives across your nerve endings

They want what they want

Not what you need

 

I hope I was able to save your life

When I saved mine

However, it’s not a responsibility or obligatory

It may have been the result of an act of passion

Insanity

If you have nothing nice to say,

You make sure that you say it all

You complain about being broke to relate

Then somehow, take an exotic trip every holiday

I don’t know you

And I don’t want to

 

Robotic aliens

So high

Bad means a good time

 

You make me sick

Don’t want to change

Just want the redemption narrative

All over your feed

Damage control laced with the damage you caused

A million wrongs won’t make a right

 

If you don’t have everything,

You make sure everyone thinks that you do

Your captions are a diary

But they don’t relate to you

Bodies are temporary

Karma is forever

Charismatic

I don’t live in luxury

So, that means I have to hate the skin I’m in?

And so that you can sell your products?

What photoshopped happiness is this?

 

Consume more pain

The temporary pleasure will take the pain away

You need a magazine cover to be original

People will tell other people to respect your privacy

So that they can invade it in peace

And nothing is more real than reality TV

 

How do you love

When your favorite person is your favorite object?

How do you live with yourself

When you make someone not want to live themselves?

I don’t see the appeal

Of getting popular from who or what you steal

Beating broken hearts black and blue

 

You’ve got the look

All you need is the image

Don’t be yourself

Unless you have nothing to lose

 

There’s no time like tonight

Let’s catch up when there’s no time

I love what you can do for me

City of Sinful Innocence

Angel wings painted on walls

They wouldn’t exist otherwise

I’m bored of always wanting more

But not much else happens around here

Chasing paper to afford the opportunity

To take aesthetic photos in front of waterfalls

Three cheers for youth, ownership, and off-key symphonies

 

Tired of the small talk traced back to small minds

Rumors preferred over truth

Since you don’t have to hide what’s out in the open

We got everything we wanted and it wasn’t even worth it!

Look at how happy we are!

 

Walk of fame or walk of shame?

It doesn’t matter what you choose

Everything comes with a price anyway

If parties are fun, why is it so easy

To feel like you’re having fun wrong?

That’s no fun

Buzzkill or be killed

 

Grinding until we’re in the ground

Sometimes, sooner than later

What is it all for?

What does it all mean?

Deeply fearful of misplacing the last bit of innocence in me

Clueless Dumpster Fire

Your friends and family would’ve loved me

Too bad that you didn’t

But that’s not what this is about

 

You called me hot and sexy

I never failed to turn you on

I supported you in everything you needed support for

Then, I was easy to ignore

Every single time you fell for someone else

Yet, you told me you weren’t interested in anyone

 

No one can say that I’m dwelling on the past

Because you’re still the same person in the present

No change or growth whatsoever

You frown on players

But you’re a champion at playing the victim

You weren’t a stroke of good luck

You were a mistake

I was insecure and lonely

So, I drowned in your shallowness

 

You say you hate drama

Yet, stay friends with all of your exes

Including the ones who were abusive or cheated on you

There’s a fine line between forgiveness and blissful ignorance

So many things about you just scream hypocrite

I feel blessed and grateful that I dodged a bullet

 

You can’t handle me

Because you don’t deserve me

By the way, it’s creepy

To post personal pictures of a crush

On specific social medias

Just because she can’t see it

I can’t afford to trust advice

From the nice guy who cried wolf

 

You are hopelessly in love with romanticizing obsession and desperation

You and your new flame are obviously so into each other

Because she’s the female version of you

She complements you perfectly!

That wasn’t a compliment

Fondness

My insides are always changing

While my outsides pretty much stay the same

How would anyone know that I was sad

Unless I said so?

Escaped from an escape to create some semblance of home

I need to love myself like I mean it

Everyone only shows you what they want you to see

Or at least what they want you to believe

 

My thoughts tend to overpower my voice

I wish I could manage this construct we call time

But I can’t because I’m human

It’s easier to run out of control

A juxtaposition of supply and demand

 

I have myself

When I’m okay

I have myself

I am okay

For the time being

Don’t think like that

I will be okay

 

I’m a wanderer

Just as much as I crave normality

Break me down like an esteemed literary work

I’m bored

I’m excited

So much I want to do

So much I’m not sure how I’m going to do

Leave me alone and help me

 

At least I’ve got you

You deal with it too

You understand

That’s also a con

Because you won’t always be there

Correction: you’re always here

But not always on time

Don’t you just love loving someone?