Kaleidoscope

Darkness

All around me

But I’m not sticking around

I will paint a clear sky

Even if it kills part of me

Hold my hand until I can stand on my own

Holding myself accountable

For what I can and cannot control

 

Strong winds yanked open the door

The world is colorful after all

Soaking in a porcelain bathtub

Of neon gems

 

I’m spilling every detail

A little bit at a time

Ink bleeding waterfalls

Across each page and screen

Trying not to fall again

To recuperate

So far, sometimes good

 

How many strangers

Have seen me at my worst?

More than I ever thought would

More than I ever thought I would allow

It was my guardian angel’s compromise

The safest way out

Life is a rollercoaster and I feel sick

Life is a highway and I keep getting stuck in traffic

I Am a Scar

I always wanted to be a fairytale

Be able to dance circles

Around the ballerina in the music box

Not knowing that there was such a thing

As a voice not being heard

But I refuse to be ignored

 

There are three types of hearts

The ones who love too much

The ones who take and take

But too much is never enough

And the ones who have given, taken, and fallen

Somehow always finding the strength

To get back up

 

I’d say I’m heart type #3

But why label?

Why number?

A speck of stardust

In a suffocating sea of glitter

The real vs. the artificial

 

She has a pretty smile

Why is she so quiet?

She has kind eyes

Maybe she can help me

Oh hell yeah!

She gives good advice

And truly cares

She won’t catch on to my game

 

She has so many beautiful thoughts

Why doesn’t she talk more?

Wait, she started talking to me

She trusts me

I’ll take advantage

She won’t notice

She can be the perfect distraction

Until I exchange her fragile heart

For mediocrity

To fill my insecure void

 

Goodbye heartache

You were a fake friend

Goodbye heartache

I’ll find a worthy lover someday

And write about the reality of you

Until the end

 

I can only be protected

For so long

Until my mind sees the light

Of darkness

Sucking in my stomach

To breathe

Responsibilities of life

Draining my energy

Having to hide my scissors

Because my body isn’t safe

When my head is in this place

Ashamed of my own reflection

Scared to speak again

Nightmares interrupting my dreams

Making me believe

I should keep sleeping

And choose to never wake up

 

But I have chosen to wake up

Every time

People who are my light of day

Helped me regain control of my mind

And reminded me of my ability

To shine through the night

Read between the red lines

 

I’m not always tough enough

To be a fighter

But at least I’m not a user

I’ll be honest

I’ve always been delicate

I’ve always been sensitive

Empathetic

Consistently damaged

I bet you never thought

That I would embrace it

And own it

She’s smart

She’ll be fine

She has some star power

No

I have scar power

I am unforgettable

Worthless

I stare at myself

In the mirror

Hating what stares back

Pointing out all my flaws

And wishing for what I lack

My insecurities

Get the best of me

 

I don’t feel beautiful

I can’t do anything right

I’m not special

I don’t shine under any spotlight

I fall behind

The ones that are priceless

I’m just worthless

 

I sit and cry

I’m not important

If I had something to say

No one would care

I dream in nightmares

Because I’ll never be good enough

Not even for love

 

I don’t belong anywhere

I can’t try new things

I’m always scared

I want to be somebody

That’s worth something

 

My life is pointless

I should end it

I’m just worthless…

 

I stare at myself

In the mirror

Accepting what stares back

Ignoring all my “flaws”

And loving what I have

My insecurities

Do not define me

 

I feel beautiful

There’s a lot I’ve done right

I am special

I don’t need a spotlight

I’m far ahead of

The ones that are “priceless”

I am not worthless

 

I stand and smile

I am important

If I had something to say

There is always someone who cares

I dream sweetly of past nightmares

Because there’s no such thing as being enough

We all deserve love

 

I belong somewhere

I don’t have to try everything

But I won’t be drowned by my fears

Everybody is a somebody

Worth everything

 

My life is limitless

I should keep it

I am not worthless

Secrets

Maybe I’m tired

Of waking up on the floor

Maybe I’m tired

Of being a fighter

Maybe I’m tired

Of crying

Maybe I’m tired

Of trying

Maybe I’m just tired

 

The world’s a mess

But so am I

Walls come down

And I just lie

 

I told you

About the little things

That always make me smile

But I didn’t tell you

That I broke down last night

I keep telling you

That the future is bright

But I never tell you

About the times

I picked up the knife

 

Maybe I’m fine

Always being alone

Maybe I love you

More than you could ever know

Maybe I want to write down

All the stories I never told

Maybe all I need

Is a hand to hold

Maybe I’ll never stop

Pushing you away

Maybe one day

You will stay

 

Hearts are breaking

Open your eyes

My will to live is dying

And I just hide

 

They know me

But they don’t see me

They tell me the truth

But they don’t show me

All I can do

Is be there for you

 

I know the little things

That always make you smile

Last night, we smiled until it hurt

I told you about that time

I put down the knife

Together, we can heal

We will be alright

Even the strongest

Are weak sometimes