Infinity and Beyond On High

I never want to change who I am

Everyone else does it for me

Depending on the point-of-view, I’m strong or broken

Joke’s on you because I’m both

And everything in between

 

I’m emotionally overbearing

With an unlimited supply of empathy

I’m guilty of victimizing myself out of fear

Along with falling for other people’s games out of love

I live in an almost constant state of insecurity

I said almost

 

I worry about being unloveable

At the same time, I know for a fact

That I’m so deserving

 

It can take me years to speak up

But when I do, I say it all

Opening the floodgates

I don’t understand the difference

Between love and infatuation

Between true and fake friends

Between genuine family members and selfish manipulators

Until I’ve gotten hurt or taken advantage of

Learned the same lesson again and again

 

I’m amazing in many ways

Beautiful inside and out

I’m a gift to know

And capable of impactful things

I bring light to the darkness

No matter how I’m feeling

I’m a heart-to-heart listener

A potential bestseller

Sweet and smart

Still alive

 

Demons throughout the course of my life,

Online, and in my mind

Told me I’m never good enough

For a multitude of reasons

I beg your fucking pardon

I am a delight

Arrow

My heart’s a little masochistic

Call me onion because I cry a lot

And have layers

Middle finger through the heart my hands make

Like an arrow

I dream about faces that came and went

And self-deprecate

To learn how to appreciate

 

I don’t know why I am the way that I am (I do)

I need validation from others to survive (I don’t)

I’m weak when I’m strong

And strong when I’m weak

I can and cannot help it

Let the bridges burn because I’ll still survive

 

I crave to be perceived

And to disappear without a trace

My mind’s a bit of a beautiful disaster

Every situation I end up in

Leaves a bittersweet aftertaste

I’ve got a death grip on atmosphere

Even With Your Imperfections, You Can Do Anything

Even when you walk alone,

You walk with your head held high

Even when you are patronized,

Your smile stretches a mile wide

 

When you don’t have a clue what you’re doing,

You keep going

When you finally figure it out,

It can still change

 

Surrounded by chaos

And you remain true to yourself

Yelled at, deceived, hurt

And you continue to heal

Breath stolen by black holes

You take it back every time

 

When made to feel small,

You grow

When you find yourself lost,

You follow the star in your heart

They tried to hold you back

They can’t reach you anymore

 

Skin wasn’t glowing yet

Your soul always did

Walls weren’t strong enough

But you were and continue to be

Your heart breaks easily

But it wasn’t true love in the first place

Avalanche of expectations from onlookers

You created your own happiness

 

Everything has gotten worse and harder

Everything has also started looking up and getting better

Intrusive thoughts are violent

Your mindset encourages you to be a pacifist

In the war within your head

If someone appears to have more,

That does not make you worth any less

 

Note to self

Look at how far you’ve come

Look at how close you are

To the next chapter

With every scar and flaw,

You are writing it

The Artist

You wake up inside a dream

But you’re not asleep

It’s all real and it can be a nightmare

They want you to run and hide

Only after performing

For their entertainment

Your feelings are a commodity

Beautiful tragedy

But your dreams are made of

What you make them

Trying not to melt under the pressure

 

I don’t want the glory

Unless it’s for being me

The truth is that I lie sometimes

When asked how I am

I can’t take it anymore

Until I can

 

Loud when I’m low

Why can’t I live and survive

At the same time?

Death is the expected surprise

 

Have it all

And still want more

That’s how they drag you down to their level

And attempt to keep your pain invisible

 

Rip my heart out

And leave it on the ground to bleed

I’ll pick it up later

And share it with the world

 

They almost broke you

Tracing knives across your nerve endings

They want what they want

Not what you need

 

I hope I was able to save your life

When I saved mine

However, it’s not a responsibility or obligatory

It may have been the result of an act of passion

Gray

Ghost wandering the halls

She thought she knew herself

Falls asleep only when it’s too late

To rest

Couldn’t choose a lucky star

So every night, she thanks all of them

Doesn’t want to be normal or abnormal

Just trying to stay alive

When it seems like her mind and body want her dead

 

Warmth feels cold

She’d give anything to feel anything else

Continues to put others before herself

Nobody ever warned her

That having too much of a kind heart could be bad for her health

 

Goddess watering the garden

Where everything struggles to grow

Yet, she still has hope

Driven to sobbing heaps on the ground

Screaming inside her head

Until she has a headache

That sticks around

Seeing the dark sides of nursery rhymes

And her buried childhood

 

Awake inside a bittersweet dream again

Feel something, feel something, feel something

No, not that

Please

Not that

Jumping in and out of earthquake ruptures

Holding scar tissue’s hand

They told her to carry on

Where are they now?

She needs help, but doesn’t want it

 

Her life is a beautiful, vicious cycle

You might see her ghost wandering the halls

Insanity

If you have nothing nice to say,

You make sure that you say it all

You complain about being broke to relate

Then somehow, take an exotic trip every holiday

I don’t know you

And I don’t want to

 

Robotic aliens

So high

Bad means a good time

 

You make me sick

Don’t want to change

Just want the redemption narrative

All over your feed

Damage control laced with the damage you caused

A million wrongs won’t make a right

 

If you don’t have everything,

You make sure everyone thinks that you do

Your captions are a diary

But they don’t relate to you

Bodies are temporary

Karma is forever

A New Kind of Serendipity

I give up

No, I don’t

I’m a waste of space

No, I’m not

My next move is my next goal, big or small

 

My dreams and health come first

Wait your turn

I’m carrying an empty treasure chest inside me

Fill me up buttercup

 

It’s my heaven and I’ll cry if I want to

It’s my graveyard and I’ll die if I want to

Even if I have to fake it

When you won’t let me take my time

 

I’m not what they told me I am

I’m not what I told myself I am

Not the greatest or the worst

But more than I think

And less than a forced pedestal

You’re not who you think you are

You are you!