Loud

This is war and I don’t want it

I fight it

Hard to go to bed

Hard to get out of bed

 

Criticized

For every breath I take

Every move I make

Someone is always watching

Sometimes, I would like to be left alone

Even if I’m not busy

 

Voices in my head

In my ear

On my screen

Leave

Get out

Let me be

 

The city lights are pretty

Until they’re too bright

Then you get frightened

By shadows in corners

Crawling up the walls

Waiting for you to fall

So you can be returned to your pedestal

Where you know you don’t belong

You Killed Me, So I Hope I Haunt You

It’s been said that you radiate love

Yes… radiation

You never got to touch me physically

But you touched me in every other way

And it makes me feel dirty

Innocence, purity, depravity, and hallucinations

All dance partners in an angel’s fall from grace

 

Perfectly imperfect

I saw my twin flame

Until it went up in flames every time

A seasonal wildfire

Now, I only want to burn it all down

 

You don’t see me

I see through you

You are a cowardly tourniquet

Removing yourself before wounds heal

 

You love, obsess, fixate, and desire

To pass the time

To distract from your demons

Sleeping like a baby

In a coma of codependency

I hope when you’re in her

You think of me

I caught on to how you operate

Object Identified

Why did I ever see

What I saw in you?

At least my heart

Learned how to read

I encouraged your growth

While you stifled mine

 

You only acted interested

When you had something to gain

Or when no one else was paying you attention

You thrived on my naive attachment

What did you say that was true

And what wasn’t?

We were like a rumor that ended

Before it started

The last time you walked away,

I learned to let go

And just like that,

My world was less cold

 

You can keep your fool’s gold

After all, it’s all you can afford

I’m your dream girl

That you gave up on

They don’t know you

Like I do

Because I saw through you

While you were distracted

By public perception

And the shadow

Of your reflection

 

I pulled out the weeds

And kept the flowers

When you touched me,

I was weak

You chased me

Around Saturn’s rings

I kept running in circles

While you ditched me

For more open galaxies

 

Your honor, I object

To your dishonor

Because you objectified my love

Assistant Vision Board

Your spotlight is invalid

Because you use him and others

To obtain it

That’s why it upsets you

When anyone questions it

 

You’re okay with anybody’s feelings getting hurt

Except yours

Not everyone believes you

But you’re still happy

Since you convinced enough people

To stroke your snake skin

In return, you reward their delusion

 

You give him no space

And treat social media presence

Like it’s some kind of race

You spout hypocrisy like a geyser

And support your fellow freeloaders

You and him don’t even have anything in common

Except for not acting your ages

You keep him immature

To act like his mother- I mean, doting lover

And proclaim him as the love of your life

You can’t wait to have the status

That would come with being his wife

Yet, you cheated on your previous boyfriend to get here

 

You’ve always had a vision board

A master plan

Kept him on the side

Until you had the perfect opportunity to strike

You’re always in need of an assistant

As an opportunist, you slithered into his heart

And thought “tag, you’re it”

All he’s ever wanted was love

But you weren’t worth the wait

With all of your mind games

And the need to always be in control

To always have the upper hand

In a fight that was never fair to begin with

 

You would hang him out to dry

Leave his mental health to die

If he tried to escape

Because that would threaten

Your “ideal” career and lifestyle

On camera, you slap him, yell at him, berate him, and belittle him

You are manipulative out in the open

Ban his interests unless they benefit your special ones

Keep him away from his real friends and close to yours

What goes on behind closed doors?

If the roles were reversed,

He would be crucified

Infinity and Beyond On High

I never want to change who I am

Everyone else does it for me

Depending on the point-of-view, I’m strong or broken

Joke’s on you because I’m both

And everything in between

 

I’m emotionally overbearing

With an unlimited supply of empathy

I’m guilty of victimizing myself out of fear

Along with falling for other people’s games out of love

I live in an almost constant state of insecurity

I said almost

 

I worry about being unloveable

At the same time, I know for a fact

That I’m so deserving

 

It can take me years to speak up

But when I do, I say it all

Opening the floodgates

I don’t understand the difference

Between love and infatuation

Between true and fake friends

Between genuine family members and selfish manipulators

Until I’ve gotten hurt or taken advantage of

Learned the same lesson again and again

 

I’m amazing in many ways

Beautiful inside and out

I’m a gift to know

And capable of impactful things

I bring light to the darkness

No matter how I’m feeling

I’m a heart-to-heart listener

A potential bestseller

Sweet and smart

Still alive

 

Demons throughout the course of my life,

Online, and in my mind

Told me I’m never good enough

For a multitude of reasons

I beg your fucking pardon

I am a delight

Arrow

My heart’s a little masochistic

Call me onion because I cry a lot

And have layers

Middle finger through the heart my hands make

Like an arrow

I dream about faces that came and went

And self-deprecate

To learn how to appreciate

 

I don’t know why I am the way that I am (I do)

I need validation from others to survive (I don’t)

I’m weak when I’m strong

And strong when I’m weak

I can and cannot help it

Let the bridges burn because I’ll still survive

 

I crave to be perceived

And to disappear without a trace

My mind’s a bit of a beautiful disaster

Every situation I end up in

Leaves a bittersweet aftertaste

I’ve got a death grip on atmosphere

Even With Your Imperfections, You Can Do Anything

Even when you walk alone,

You walk with your head held high

Even when you are patronized,

Your smile stretches a mile wide

 

When you don’t have a clue what you’re doing,

You keep going

When you finally figure it out,

It can still change

 

Surrounded by chaos

And you remain true to yourself

Yelled at, deceived, hurt

And you continue to heal

Breath stolen by black holes

You take it back every time

 

When made to feel small,

You grow

When you find yourself lost,

You follow the star in your heart

They tried to hold you back

They can’t reach you anymore

 

Skin wasn’t glowing yet

Your soul always did

Walls weren’t strong enough

But you were and continue to be

Your heart breaks easily

But it wasn’t true love in the first place

Avalanche of expectations from onlookers

You created your own happiness

 

Everything has gotten worse and harder

Everything has also started looking up and getting better

Intrusive thoughts are violent

Your mindset encourages you to be a pacifist

In the war within your head

If someone appears to have more,

That does not make you worth any less

 

Note to self

Look at how far you’ve come

Look at how close you are

To the next chapter

With every scar and flaw,

You are writing it

The Artist

You wake up inside a dream

But you’re not asleep

It’s all real and it can be a nightmare

They want you to run and hide

Only after performing

For their entertainment

Your feelings are a commodity

Beautiful tragedy

But your dreams are made of

What you make them

Trying not to melt under the pressure

 

I don’t want the glory

Unless it’s for being me

The truth is that I lie sometimes

When asked how I am

I can’t take it anymore

Until I can

 

Loud when I’m low

Why can’t I live and survive

At the same time?

Death is the expected surprise

 

Have it all

And still want more

That’s how they drag you down to their level

And attempt to keep your pain invisible

 

Rip my heart out

And leave it on the ground to bleed

I’ll pick it up later

And share it with the world

 

They almost broke you

Tracing knives across your nerve endings

They want what they want

Not what you need

 

I hope I was able to save your life

When I saved mine

However, it’s not a responsibility or obligatory

It may have been the result of an act of passion

Gray

Ghost wandering the halls

She thought she knew herself

Falls asleep only when it’s too late

To rest

Couldn’t choose a lucky star

So every night, she thanks all of them

Doesn’t want to be normal or abnormal

Just trying to stay alive

When it seems like her mind and body want her dead

 

Warmth feels cold

She’d give anything to feel anything else

Continues to put others before herself

Nobody ever warned her

That having too much of a kind heart could be bad for her health

 

Goddess watering the garden

Where everything struggles to grow

Yet, she still has hope

Driven to sobbing heaps on the ground

Screaming inside her head

Until she has a headache

That sticks around

Seeing the dark sides of nursery rhymes

And her buried childhood

 

Awake inside a bittersweet dream again

Feel something, feel something, feel something

No, not that

Please

Not that

Jumping in and out of earthquake ruptures

Holding scar tissue’s hand

They told her to carry on

Where are they now?

She needs help, but doesn’t want it

 

Her life is a beautiful, vicious cycle

You might see her ghost wandering the halls

Insanity

If you have nothing nice to say,

You make sure that you say it all

You complain about being broke to relate

Then somehow, take an exotic trip every holiday

I don’t know you

And I don’t want to

 

Robotic aliens

So high

Bad means a good time

 

You make me sick

Don’t want to change

Just want the redemption narrative

All over your feed

Damage control laced with the damage you caused

A million wrongs won’t make a right

 

If you don’t have everything,

You make sure everyone thinks that you do

Your captions are a diary

But they don’t relate to you

Bodies are temporary

Karma is forever