Infinity and Beyond On High

I never want to change who I am

Everyone else does it for me

Depending on the point-of-view, I’m strong or broken

Joke’s on you because I’m both

And everything in between

 

I’m emotionally overbearing

With an unlimited supply of empathy

I’m guilty of victimizing myself out of fear

Along with falling for other people’s games out of love

I live in an almost constant state of insecurity

I said almost

 

I worry about being unloveable

At the same time, I know for a fact

That I’m so deserving

 

It can take me years to speak up

But when I do, I say it all

Opening the floodgates

I don’t understand the difference

Between love and infatuation

Between true and fake friends

Between genuine family members and selfish manipulators

Until I’ve gotten hurt or taken advantage of

Learned the same lesson again and again

 

I’m amazing in many ways

Beautiful inside and out

I’m a gift to know

And capable of impactful things

I bring light to the darkness

No matter how I’m feeling

I’m a heart-to-heart listener

A potential bestseller

Sweet and smart

Still alive

 

Demons throughout the course of my life,

Online, and in my mind

Told me I’m never good enough

For a multitude of reasons

I beg your fucking pardon

I am a delight

I Could Be a Cherry Bomb, But I’ll Never Be Yours

I can tell by the way you look at me

And how you talk to me

That you see potential in me

But when you repeatedly ignore me

Or brush me off for somebody else

It shows that you don’t really care

 

I am everything you want and more

You never wanted me

So, why should I care?

My heart is my home

You have no place here

 

You treat me like I’m second best

I know I am the best

The best you never had

Your hands are red

Broke my heart over and over

Like it was nothing

I’m the type who is willing to give everything

You’re not getting anything

I wish I walked away and stayed away

You’re lucky that I was too nice back in the day

 

It all makes perfect sense now

You’re addicted to using others

For the love that you can’t give yourself

And I was desperate and naive enough

To volunteer as tribute

 

You convinced yourself that you were my savior

I once worshipped you as such

But I’m not your angel

I’ll fall with or without you

Reminding myself that I’ve always been stronger than you

Arrow

My heart’s a little masochistic

Call me onion because I cry a lot

And have layers

Middle finger through the heart my hands make

Like an arrow

I dream about faces that came and went

And self-deprecate

To learn how to appreciate

 

I don’t know why I am the way that I am (I do)

I need validation from others to survive (I don’t)

I’m weak when I’m strong

And strong when I’m weak

I can and cannot help it

Let the bridges burn because I’ll still survive

 

I crave to be perceived

And to disappear without a trace

My mind’s a bit of a beautiful disaster

Every situation I end up in

Leaves a bittersweet aftertaste

I’ve got a death grip on atmosphere

Fragmented

I can still make you smile

And I can’t stop missing you

Took a trip through your galaxy

And there’s still more to uncover

 

I see the real you

I wish you could see

More of the real me

It’s a good and bad time

Our hearts are stuck in limbo

 

Falling in love

Just to fall apart

Not alone in loneliness

Drifting further down the river

Peacefully

Until we shatter on the rocks

We could put each other back together

If we wanted to

 

Almost asking-

Begging

For another heartbreak

There is love here

Somewhere

 

You walk away and let me in

I push you away and open my heart

Patterns or survival?

I want to be in your arms again

But I don’t want to fall onto my knees again

I know my worth

If only you did

 

If it’s meant to be,

Then it will be

If you wanted and needed me,

Then you would show and tell me

For right now, you would just break my heart

And eat it too

 

 

Morning Nightmares

Photo album projected from a broken satellite

In outer space

Love came and went

My mind rushes with nowhere to go

Somewhere in a distant sky,

A cloud is caving in

My hand reaches out

And catches air

 

Silently screaming

And I’m the only one listening

Potential lovers

But potential means nothing

If nothing ever happens

Driving ourselves crazy

By driving in circles

 

Make a wish on a beating heart

 

Falling down

For a could have been

No regrets wanted

Feeling a little unwanted

Shove that feeling to the side

 

Even if the timing was wrong,

I know I did everything right

All that’s left to do is cope

Not a new situation, just a haunted portrait

Sleepwalk home

The Living Dead

The four seasons have gone by

Like a train passing through the countryside

The past is all over the floor

And I’m beginning to fully forgive you

 

We both deserve better

Even if it isn’t each other

I don’t want to overthink this anymore

Break the arrow in half

 

I don’t need a rush to feel alive

I got caught up too much

You’re a risk taker

And a risk giver

Inner peace becomes violent

We’re nothing more than opposites

With similarities

Yet, our connection is larger than life

 

Progress has been made

Never too far away

Only you can change you

Only I can change me

We’re pretty great in our own ways

Painting different pictures

By blending colors

And like raindrops,

We’ll always fall together

Road Trip

Mascara tears in my mind

Favorite places begin to feel like strangers

I can hear everything you’re not saying

It’s infuriating

 

The world won’t always cater to you

No matter what image of yourself you print

I could’ve sworn you said you’d always be here

Yet, there you are with your arms around somebody else

You weren’t ready for heaven

So, you settled for a basic blank slate

But you can’t clean up your mess this time

 

I don’t love or hate you

I like and resent you

Another scar carved into my tree of life

I don’t wish you the worst or wish you well

I wish you traffic jams and peace

 

I take several steps back

But it’s hard to completely let go

I deserve so much better than this

Where are my keys?

 

I wake up from sweet dreams

Better off without you

 

You’re just as confusing as everyone who confuses you

An apple a day won’t keep the snake bites away

I took the long way home

Turned the corner and saw an angel

I am almost reborn