Word Vomit

I keep turning to see if you’re watching me

Happy anniversary to the accident

That was totally on purpose

I’m sorry I’m not good-

I mean I’m good, how are you?

I’m getting married

I know you are, but what am I?

Resolutely defying what I am not okay with

Bodies in motion

Where’s the break from commercial breaks?

They broke their promises

What’s new?

This is great!

That’s terrible!

Built like glass

 

Drop out

Cop out

Get out and in

Who stopped playing music?

 

Inside of my mind

Out of control

My name is written all over you

A nice reward

Coming up next…

Skipped the reunion

Investing in some sage is long overdue

 

It would suck so much

To wait for something that never happens

But please do spoil the surprise

If it was going to be bad

I’m messy

I’m a freak

And I honestly don’t care

So there

 

I’m not always available

Deal with it

Yes, this is getting long

That’s the point

I don’t plan on stopping

Until I feel like it

A whale yawned

And all seven seas followed suit

 

It’s none of your damn business

The end

I’ll Tell You What You Want to Hear If It’s What I Want

You found me

Or maybe I found myself first

Then let you find me

Under the wide open sky

 

I am one of many one in a millions

What are you searching for?

Can you commit?

 

Wet and wild world

Mild to moderate to severe

And back home again

If it’s love, then show me

There’s no time limit on something real

 

You may have a lot to teach me

I love learning, but only if it’s worth it

You may want my hand

But I have to be able to trust you

You can say you want and need me

Do you love me?

 

You can say you love me

Do you really?

I shouldn’t feel like I have to question it

A fictional reality

Forgotten Lyrics

I turned on the lights

To a dark, empty room

I tried to change the lightbulbs

I tried a change of scenery

But change never stops

Violet shadows

From broadcasting

Their regrets and happy endings

 

Invisible bass lines

Background noise

At the front of my mind

Sometimes, I want to forget

Some of the stories that I wrote

And sometimes, I’m good with words

To the point that my pen is speechless

 

Screams from down the hallway

Another stage crumbled

From the weight of the world

Everything could be taken from me

You still wouldn’t put me out of my misery

There’s rain in the forecast tonight

And the nights before

 

Right now

I am singing for right now

The past left a bittersweet taste

The future can wait

Forever is right now

In the asteroid belt

Of my secret weapon

Pink Serenity

Suddenly,

Lonely transforms into serendipity

Through repeated vulnerability

I notice all of your little things

I am mine

You are yours

If we came together,

We could break the rules

And heal the world

 

You are a white blood cell

I wear your words in my memory

Like a wedding band

You are a symbol of recovery

A heart of gold

Sending love songs into my soul’s veins

I wish you would see what I see

In you

 

You crashed into my life

Like a tidal wave

Even when you’re gone,

Your presence doesn’t evaporate

Wildfires have nothing on you

Melodies and harmonies

Making love on the scale of your back

 

I was a satellite

Lost in space

Until you found me

And filled the skies in my eyes

With stars

And I wish you would see what I see

In you

Shameless Liability

Am I an important person in your life

Or just a guilty pleasure?

Am I here to provide meaning

Or validation?

I don’t need your approval

You could honestly learn from me

 

Sorry you got bored of me

Your loss

Sorry I was too much

Your loss

Sorry I wasn’t enough

Your loss

I almost changed for you

What was I thinking?

I never conform

Unless it’s an emergency

All I can ever be is me

 

I feel with the force of nature

I break down side-by-side

With extreme weather

I’ve sacrificed more for the betterment of others

Than for myself

So, my puzzle is missing several pieces

When it comes to walking away,

I’m always late

I’ve lived for so long

So timid and afraid

Being okay with being weak

Before I considered leaving,

They’d already walked all over me

 

In spite of it all,

My heart has only grown with me

I’m taking my power back

Setting fire to the past

I’m half dead, half alive

Unashamed of my inner tug-of-war

If I say I love or care about you,

I mean it with everything I have in me

I am time’s acid-tongued enemy

Our Everything

There’s more on your mind

Than what you let on

I can see it in your eyes

I can hear it in the sky

 

We are an eclipse

Rare, unforgettable, and sometimes unexpected

I know you care about me

Do you realize how much you mean to me?

You’re all over my heart

Like tattoos, rain, belief in heaven, pain

Strong souls jumping in and out

Of smoke and mirrors

 

I fell out of the clutches

Of nightmares

You caught my broken stardust

And granted every wish

I let you in

You let me in

My feelings are an open sunset

Please don’t push me away

 

You think it’s unorthodox

You think it’s amazing

No one’s been so ready and willing

To love you for all that you are

All that you bleed

All that you can be

I’m all in

I’ll always be all in

You won’t lose me

 

I wonder why I bother to try

Is your fire too wild

For my ocean to protect?

Neither of us can be tamed

There’s a plethora of passion and compassion

We made a home

In music and conversations

 

You don’t know what you’ve got

Until it’s gone

Let go of love

But that’s the thing

We’re not going anywhere

I took a chance

And went back to the basics

We set each other free all the time

Some connections are too real to sever

 

For the first time in forever,

I haven’t cried once

Because unlike others,

You actually try not to hurt me

I don’t regret a second of time spent

I don’t regret a single word written or said

Our goodbyes are only temporary

It’s complicated

But damn, it doesn’t need to be

Why can’t you see

That I can give you all you’ve ever wanted?

A like-minded heart

Why hate what reminds you to be happy?

I Promise

One night, the raven

Whispered in my ear

Those words remained my muse

Every year from there

To some, they are gibberish

To me, they are lifesavers

 

I can’t promise paradise

But I can make this a safe place

I can’t promise the world

But we can create a better one

I can’t promise a revelation

But you will find love

 

I had a conversation today

With a beautiful soul

From beyond the grave

Nevermore, will I live like I’m dying

I’d rather live like I’m trying

This tell-tale heart is tired

It’s ready to tell the truth

I promise you’re worth it

I won’t give up on you

On myself

On us

Full of Emptiness

I can reach the stars

But I struggle to get enough sleep

I can write words

So that they flow like rivers

Smooth and rocky rapids

That wrap around the mind

As demons and comforting voices

But when I try to speak them

I still mean them

Even though they sometimes

Come out rushed and jumbled

Soft and quiet

I will not stay silent

My pen moves faster than my lips

 

It’s difficult to tell

Which I do more:

Think or dream

I always thought that they were the same thing…

My heart is a stream of consciousness

My soul wants something more

Love for myself

Love for others

A life that glows in the dark

 

I seem to break

Just so that I can at least have the satisfaction

Of fixing myself

My improvement is never stagnant

I get better

By getting worse

I radiate light

By exploding

When the darkness is imploding

It’s a blessing and a curse

 

I have confidence

With limits

I have motivation

When my battery level

Is an endangered species

Aches in my sentimental joints

Perfection is too expensive

To be a smart investment

So, why worry?

Well… worry about me

But not too much

One, because I’m indecisive

Two, because I know where I’m going

This hunger hurts

But over time, I’ve learned

How to satisfy the cravings

Tribute to Words

a feather collage of paper

is a wordplayground

technological Big Bang

portal to new dimensions

fear is in bees and butterflies

they drop ounces of it into flowers

the comorbidly colored roses bravely bloomed

just like you

there is so much to say

 

words words words words

beautiful ugly magnificent absurd

sinful saviors

unfavorite colors

forevers and nevers

complicated simplicity

he danced until he fell down

she screamed what her heart is all about

they started a riot

worthy of an acceptance letter

to the University of Heaven

 

cruising through the underground

rhythm found

in silence and sound

boulders thrown at your window

at 2 a.m

pumpkin hours

speeches of endearment

spilling out from underneath eyelids

 

a sunset saw me smile

guilty yet so innocent

 

droughts in throats

floods of ink destroying the pen dam

shocked little lamb

the fire of last night

was hungover the next morning

refused to take a shower

brain warden shouted with generous anger

here’s your damn beach towel

 

sometimes scribbles that make negative infinity sense

can make all the sense we need

and so we sleep

Pure

You wish that I would sit still

As you mold me

Use me

Try to control

My body and personality

But I am not your toy

I have better things to do

In my free time

 

You wish that I would stay silent

When you scrape away my dry flaws

Scratch my scars

Spit on me with dirty words

But I know how you are

And I’m brave enough

To speak up

 

You wish that I would listen

When you try to tell me how to live

That I would nod and smile

When you try to tell me how to feel

You say that I’ll break hearts

But the only heart

I’ve ever broken

Is my own

 

You wish that I would never grow up

Then, you wish I would

I am human like you

That’s the fact

You seem to have misunderstood

 

I can be young and wise

I can be old and reckless

I can be anything

That makes me happy

 

I am a microphone unchecked

A blank canvas

A wishing well of sex

A free spirit

Who will never rest

 

I am more than

A grocery list of insecurities

I am more than

A countdown of trends

I am more than

A slight feminine breeze

I am more than

Beginnings, middles, and ends

 

When I have a good cry

When I write my doubts away

When I can catch my reflection

And actually feel beautiful

When I can step into the shower

And wash away everyone’s expectations

That’s the purest form of me

You will ever see