Half A Heart

They say

That when you meet a great friend

You better keep them

Don’t ever let them go

Tear down all your defenses

Trust someone new

And just go with the flow

 

With you by my side

Life is one big crazy ride

But we’re on it together

I know everything is okay

Because you’ll be there for me

Always forever

 

Running from start to finish

When it comes to you and I,

Insanity has no limits

Being there for all the laughs

And the cries

Never a permanent goodbye

If you’re broken,

I’ll be broken with you

Because I’m only half of a heart

Without you

 

Inside jokes

We’ve got more than we could count

Lifting each other up

No wallowing in self doubt

 

Staying up talking

Until past midnight

Make up after every fight

It’s like we read each other’s minds

You’re my favorite

 

So much in common

Might as well be twins

With you, I don’t have to pretend

Hope this friendship never ends

And our differences stay balanced

 

Dancing crazy

Singing like karaoke machines

You give good advice

Might as well be a queen

 

Just hanging out

Being ourselves

You make me believe in love again

Nothing

If you hurt me out of love

How is that beautiful?

If you say it will make me tough

Then, keep kicking me down

You’re so hypocritical

I am your cracked diamond

A lost cause

You invest your precious time in

I am the moth to your flame

Sometimes I think I’m over it

But your heart remains

 

Guess I’ll never be good enough

For you

Guess I’ll never be able to give

What she gives you

I tried and tried

Then just collapsed and cried

For your sweet, true love

I am longing

But to you,

I am nothing

 

Trapped between these four walls

I stare into space

Feeling numb to the skull

She won your race

She is the bright daisy

In your graveyard

The treasure chest

That I can never compare to

What is my worth?

She’s the sunlight to your snow

I’m aware of how much it hurts

Yet, I don’t want to let you go

 

I reach for you

In a blind, smoky haze

But it’s too late

You’ve fallen victim to her ways

I can’t look at my own reflection

Or show a real smile

Because I am broken

And you’re lost in her eyes

 

For your sweet, true love

I am longing

But to you,

I am nothing

I’m The One

Did you forget

The notes and messages sent

Did you forget

Every smile and secret shared

How could you forget

That I’ve always been there

How could you forget

That I’ve always cared

Why would you forget?

Don’t you dare forget

 

I’m the one

Who showed you real love

I’m the one

Who consoled you when times got rough

What do you see in her

That makes you lose your mind

What do you see in her

That keeps you from being mine

I’m the one you need

She’s just a watermelon seed

I’m the one for you

Yet instead, you’re willing to let me bleed

 

We’ve watched each other grow up

Over the years

Now you’ve suddenly had enough

It’s like I was never here

You’ll always have my heart

The ground swallowed the key

I’ve loved you from the start

You’re not just a boy to me

 

Where did your interest go?

Stupid girl, I should’ve known

No one likes to be alone

All the time

They say forget about you

No, I won’t

Stuck being only friends

Yet I’m still alone

I’ve got to pretend to be fine

And draw some lines

 

You’re willing to let me bleed

It’s always been me

Something More

Dear diary,

I trust you more than anyone else

Growing up is scary

All I can do is help myself

Some boy said he loves me

But I only want candy and cookies

 

Everybody’s changing

Everything’s changing

I don’t understand

Everybody’s changing

Everything’s changing

Always an “I can” or “I can’t”

 

Have to climb that mountain

Need someone to put my faith in

Feels like I’m being pushed into a box

Just want to kick the lid off

Muscles are sore

This journey is beating me down

I know I’m something more

Than stoic idiots and violent meltdowns

 

I’m so confused

Am I twelve or twenty-five?

I can finally tie my shoes

Feel so dead and alive

It’s a strange time

So short

Hard to believe it happened

 

Everybody’s changing

Everything’s changing

Still don’t understand

Everybody’s changing

Everything’s changing

Doesn’t matter if you’re a woman

Or a man

 

Pulled up to the top

Then pushed back down

Learned about heartbreak today

Drove around town

Trapped in the digital age

A danger to myself

Words once forbidden now spoken

As if they’re tongue of the divine

So easy to lie

And say I’m fine

 

Everybody’s always changing

Everything’s always changing

Starting to understand

Everybody’s always changing

Everything’s always changing

But I still can’t do

What those models in the magazines can

 

On my own for the first time

They just dropped me off

So cool to see what I’ve gained

Yet love what I lost

Just know that not every mistake

Was your fault

Is this what it means

To become an adult?

 

Not everything changes

Not everything changes

You can still be yourself

Not everything changes

Not everything changes

Never try to be someone else

 

Climbed that mountain

Found someone to put my faith in

Broke every box

Kicked those lids right off

Muscles still sore

This journey turned my mind around

I am something more

Than bitter people and boring pouts

 

Dear everyone who knew me,

I believe in you more than anything

Just hold your head up high

And keep dreaming

I was something more

Said my hellos and goodbyes

You too can be something more

Recovery

Been taking shortcuts through alleys

All pain hit at night

Time to get back on my feet again

What I did wasn’t a pretty sight

Real fear was near

Now I’m back in the game

Everything is okay

I’m making a recovery

 

I dove right into the deep end

What the hell was I thinking?

I thought I could handle it

Turned out my strength was just weakening

No control

No rationality

Amazing how barely anyone could see

All the stress taking its toll on me

 

I thought letting loose was the answer

But I loosened until I was a heap

Of yarn on the ground

Now I’m no coward

Yet I flinched at every sound

 

Breaking through the barriers

We’ll get through this together

There should be no boundaries

To happiness recovering

 

It’s never easy

Ditching addictions

No one likes change

Even if it’s for the better

 

Went a little crazy

Shattered until I could take no more

But I need some fair weather

Open a new door

The Way We Are

Just because we don’t think your point-of-view is right

Doesn’t mean we’re dancing with the devil tonight

We don’t dress your way

Or like what you like

We have a different kind of holy Sunday

Hope you don’t mind

That we’re ourselves throughout our lives

 

You just don’t get it

You don’t even try

But that’s just fine

Because we don’t plan on changing

 

We’re misfits united

You’re uptight and divided

Don’t care what you say

We’ll be okay

You think we’re trashy

And have no self-respect

We think you’re too flashy

And full of bullshit

You’ve got money

And a poor attitude

We’ve got love

And are always on the move

You’ve criticized

Spit your lies

This is how we live

Who we are

Just the way we are

 

There’s a difference

Between politics and life

Seems like the reality’s always hidden

Must be a colonial housewife

 

You’re plastered across the camera’s eye

Someone steals your look

Or proves you wrong

And bam!

It’s a tantrum

With the “No bitch, that’s mine”

And “I am fucking right”

 

You’re full of unnecessary comments

If you’re going to be so hateful

Then your presence isn’t needed

We’re happy and simple

And accepting

 

You think you’re God

With your beanstalk high heels

And polished formal suits

That doesn’t mean

The truth is in you

 

You cut down trees

We just want equality

You’re the glossy lips

With a permanent pout

We’re the sneaky little imps

When we believe in something

We shout

Red Velvet

Hips swaying in the pale moonlight

There’s no better time than tonight

Just relax

This heat can’t be denied

Like a girl’s favorite dress

It feels so right

The finest champagne

Simply can’t compare

To what your lips do to me

Why check the mirror

Or practice on your pillow

When right in front of you

Is the real thing

 

This magic is ours

Be my loving machine

Let’s see stars

Bring dreams into reality

 

I want you

I only want you

Skin silky smooth

Voice like honey

The things you do

Will be the death of me

Love is riding in the air

Up and down

Lipstick marks

Locked in your arms

And kisses like red velvet

 

You take me to the edge

Pound into my heart with no mercy

I’m on fire

Passion radiates in your company

Soft hands

Rough grip

You’re an impressive man

All my senses slip… away

 

This magic is ours

We’re a sexy dream team

Love is an art

And tonight

It’s just you and me

 

Natural chemistry

Feelings are electric

Better than some “special” movie

I can’t resist you

It’s automatic

Rose petals and cherry wine

You take me to the brink

Oh my… my… my

 

Strip away the fabric

And kiss me

Love me

Like you’re made of red velvet

Bullet

I’ve been running

Away from anything that comes my way

I’ve been hiding

Behind every possible wall

I’ve been wishing

For all my dreams to come true someday

I need something

To push me forward

 

I don’t want to be so shy

How will I know what could be

If I never have the courage to try?

 

Teach me how to win

Against the speed of light

How to dance among the stars

Teach me how to never stop

Or else I won’t get very far

Show me how to not be an obstacle

To myself

Help me be fearless

To shoot across the world

Like a bullet

 

I have to quit

Caring what others think

I have to break this bad habit

Of dwelling on my past mistakes

Mean words pierce like knives

Jackasses crush whatever hope you have left

I shouldn’t let any of that

Kill my drive

 

I don’t want to be so shy

How will I know what could be

If I never have the courage to try?

 

They used to hold me down

Make me their target of oppression

Talk about me as if I wasn’t around

They’re just cowards

Reading the wrong set of directions

I am a champion

No more constant crying

Because I found my wings

Submissive

It’s like I can’t breathe

Pressure is suffocating me

It’s like I can’t feel

Anything but the pain

You inflict on me

 

Why did I ever let you

Have all the power

I didn’t know that the love could

So easily turn sour

 

I feel numb

Every thought turns to you

I’ve fallen

And I want to get up

Just need to see myself through

I’m addicted to you

I can’t think

I can’t speak

Don’t need you interrupting me

You’re all I see

I need my dreams

You can’t make me

Keep going with it

I refuse to be

Your submissive

 

It’s like I can’t face

All these demons chasing me down

At the same time, I feel like I can

Rise above your crown

It’s like you’re a ghost

Forever haunting me

Just want to feel whole

Fuck off

Leave me alone

 

Still don’t know why I let you

Have all the power

Guess I was too naive to see

That there could be poison in a flower

 

I’m not just a doll

I’m not just your toy

It hurts when I fall

My heart’s not for you to destroy

 

It’s my life

Not for you to decide

There’s a golden light in my sight

And it’s no longer in your eyes

 

I was helpless

And hurting

And breaking

And burning

Now I’m looking

In the mirror

And seeing everything

Clearer

I’m not yours

To toss into the shadows

Anymore!

Better Now

I don’t know

What he’s looking for

As much as he pretends to be nice

He’ll always return

To the valley of the damned

A kingdom of ice

That isn’t for me

That road isn’t for me

 

You’re an outlaw

With an empty soul

Stole my heart

And then just rode away

I was empty

Just wanted to go home

It was lonely out on my own

Now, I realize

You weren’t worth it

This pain I’m feeling,

I don’t deserve it

I don’t need you

In order to be okay

I’m all better now

Much better now

 

I don’t see the point he’s trying to make

By giving me a love that was fake

Now that I think about it

I’m not sure if he really loved me

Or if I was just his property

I’m not okay with that

I shouldn’t ever have agreed to that

 

The wounds have healed

And now you’re back

To reopen them

But sorry, that’s not happening

Because I’m safe with him

You’re just a dark memory

I see a future with him

He makes me happy

You should’ve loved me like that

 

You shouldn’t have left me

I’m so much better now

You shouldn’t have hurt me

I’m all better now

You don’t need me

It’s all better now