Moments of Weakness

Strength in numbers until the numbers are overwhelming

You could be drenched in sweat

And I’d still run into your arms

I seldom follow my own advice

And have to keep re-learning lessons

Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out

And sometimes I feel like growing it out

Longing for shelter until it buries me

 

Too hot

Too cold

Deep in the goal of escaping anyone and anything narrow

It’s like the only time I truly embrace fear

Is when I embrace happiness

That “letting go” that everyone speaks of

I needed to take a break

To take a break from breaking

 

I don’t feel accomplished

But I do feel somewhat alive

That’s a head start in my tired, ocean eyes

Pull me out of my own head

I’d prefer to drown in anything else right now

Even if it’s you and you can’t stay

 

I’ve got everybody fooled

Until I can’t take it anymore

That’s what inner strength is for

Stretching the truth until you understand the whole truth

 

I recognize my reflection

The smile pushes through the desert

I’m still falling

My feet just want to land, but there’s no solid ground

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Fondness

My insides are always changing

While my outsides pretty much stay the same

How would anyone know that I was sad

Unless I said so?

Escaped from an escape to create some semblance of home

I need to love myself like I mean it

Everyone only shows you what they want you to see

Or at least what they want you to believe

 

My thoughts tend to overpower my voice

I wish I could manage this construct we call time

But I can’t because I’m human

It’s easier to run out of control

A juxtaposition of supply and demand

 

I have myself

When I’m okay

I have myself

I am okay

For the time being

Don’t think like that

I will be okay

 

I’m a wanderer

Just as much as I crave normality

Break me down like an esteemed literary work

I’m bored

I’m excited

So much I want to do

So much I’m not sure how I’m going to do

Leave me alone and help me

 

At least I’ve got you

You deal with it too

You understand

That’s also a con

Because you won’t always be there

Correction: you’re always here

But not always on time

Don’t you just love loving someone?

Take the “F” Out of “Life”

You need a job?

Well, experience is required for experience

You need free time?

Too bad because “time is money”

Control is out of control

I’m tired of repetitive hypocrisy

I’m tired of being tired

Expectations are boring

Common sense is a rarity

Respect is expensive

 

I’m no angel, but I’m definitely not evil

I know that much for sure

I’m not crazy about my complicated existence

But I would go crazy if it were always simple

 

If you need me, you don’t act like it

But honestly, I’m better off healthy

Keeping my distance from those who love with pernicious undertones

Better late than never

I procrastinate until I have no choice

But to overwork myself or fail

Both effects are inevitable

I’m okay now

But everyone wants to get higher

The ultimate fantasy is made up of millions

Of smaller fantasies, larger numbers, and multiple steps

 

Drowning out the negative voices

Inside and outside of my head

And amplifying the uplifting ones

A daily struggle

Heart’s homeostasis

Going through metamorphosis

What’s real that isn’t ruled by fear?

Who really wants to live a li[f]e?

Copyright Unknown

I don’t always know what to say

I don’t always know what to do

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

I get lost and scared

I feel sad, hopeless, and anxious

That doesn’t mean I’m not trying

Don’t trust inaccurate perception

 

You all claimed to know me so well

The truth is, you never knew me at all

My personality, interests, and dreams

Are too mutable to fit a mold

I only chase the sun when it shines

And when it rains, it pours and I cry

 

I haven’t believed in myself enough

I let fear drive me crazy

Now, I’m noticing a change

Nothing is flawless

But I finally know what happiness is

Don’t act like you know best

When you barely understand

What I’ve been through

What I’m still going through

When you don’t even try

 

Forever asking myself

Does this feel like me?

Lavender

What if…

What happens when…

Overwhelming

Daunting

No matter how old I get, I am scared

Of future, of life, of society, of my own thoughts

Crying as I write this

It gets extra dark inside

After midnight

 

I’m holding onto purpose

Trying to make my dreams and ambitions

Feel like one and the same

I know I’m never alone

But at times, those evil voices

Claw at the sunset over my mind’s glittering ocean

 

I make my own rhythm

I write my own neverending story

I make my own way

I breathe my own breath

I cry my own tears

I smile my own smile

I live my own life

I care

I believe

I can and will… love

 

My soul belongs to me

Only I have the right and ability

To turn my tides

In the moonlight

I’ve heard it all before

Skin has ripped like flower petals

Banished to the stomping ground

I haven’t stopped bleeding ink

Personal royalty

 

It’s alright

It’s okay

It’s not over

Wishful Dreaming

The concept of self-love is irresistible

But the road to get there is long

Often unpaved

Often neverending

 

I can be brave

But inevitably, I’m afraid

What do you do

When plans fall through?

When reality threatens

To bulldoze a forest of dreams

To build a parking lot?

When you’re both a trailblazer

And a tumbleweed

 

As soon as I heal

As soon as I feel happy

Life becomes a piece of hell

My personal demons crawl out to play

The past comes back to haunt me

I don’t want to participate

But revolution calls

And sacrifices are made

I am alive, but I am stumbling

 

I’ve waited for freedom

So, how can I deny it

Even though it comes with consequences

In fact, there are pros and cons

To everyone and everything

I feel like I’m jaywalking

Through life

 

The past is haunting

But history can be very relevant

The present is a blur

I’m falling, holding on, and letting go

It can be hard to distinguish between those states

The future is overwhelming

Endless possibilities, so what’s the truth?

Will I ever be enough?

Will I ever escape my rose-colored ideations?

 

I show love by making myself available

Until I’m drained

They prefer the opposite

Or just couldn’t see the worth in me

I say I move on

I say they don’t know what they’re missing

But how many times will I let a man

Make my inner light fade?

My heart is tired

Whether or not that was their intention,

It scars me

I should really stop chasing

Unless something is completely good for me

I should really stop giving my all

To those who will only ever give half

Or less

 

At least I always try my best

At least I’m always improving

At least I’ve never given up

On dreaming

On feeling

On living

Raw

I don’t crave attention

But I don’t want to be forgotten

Drowning in thirst

The rain doesn’t feel real enough

An honest contradiction

Rebel with a cause

 

I didn’t wish for pain

To become a major inspiration

Almost a sole motivation

Painting with words

Achieves the same effect

As painting with blood

 

I am treading water

I haven’t stopped falling

Down the rabbit hole

Maybe because I always find love there

I know what I don’t know

I don’t know what I do know

 

Running away from problems

Late for a very important date

With time

Learning to let go of past problems

Helps me solve them

Advice is a game of give and take

 

Bite me

Unless I’m more than you can chew

I am soft, but I love hard

Your deepest desire

Your favorite fallen angel

If treated with grace and given the chance

 

Whether you miss me or regret me,

I am on your mind

Making a profound impact

Using scars to cover lies

Dashes of sugar and spice

I was born to be a wild wallflower