Scientific Method

Feels like the sky is falling

Down onto the bridge that’s already crumbling

Struggling to keep up and not feel left behind

Blood and personal loss

Keep on pushing forward

To avoid getting trampled

I’m off my knees

These four walls made of cracked glass

It’s raining ash

Not lost, just stuck

Like gum on the bottom of a shoe

That refuses to come off

But I refuse to be helpless

Or be perceived that way

Feels like holy fire

In my stormy sea of a heart

I’m trying to find out

If pressure truly makes diamonds

Dark Places

I never want to reach a point

Where love feels like an empty word

Fine tuning being there for myself

Like I’d be a shoulder or soldier

For anyone else

Time bleeds, but hearts continue to beat

Pain of any kind is an interesting thing

Just because you’re used to it

Doesn’t mean you deserve it

I often need to be alone

But I don’t want to turn cold

Winter is already miserable enough

It’s even more difficult

Because these feelings for me are year round

Rather than simply seasonal

I’m so burnt out that my soul is charred

My inner fire implores me to heal

If Only I Started Getting Therapy As a Child

As soon as I finally escape from a depressive episode,

You plunge me right back in

I go from a ball of joy

To a tangled tumbleweed of anxiety

Drowning in this stressful environment

It’s hard to breathe

And you can be hard to love

Cinderella isn’t even my favorite Disney princess

Yet here I am, constantly relating to her

I didn’t ask to be born

Definitely didn’t ask to be born into this

I love you, but sometimes I can’t stand you

Of course, there are some things you can’t help

But there are plenty that you do purposely

I’m practically raising my mother

Before I even have kids of my own

I’m the eldest daughter

And brokenhearted

Tired in every way possible

Call me strong

Call me sweet and kind

Call me brave and resilient

It’s still traumatic

This pain is a part of me

That barely anyone sees

Searching…

Don’t talk to me about the love club

I’m a lover and I never fail

To love too hard

I love so much

But that becomes “too much”

If it was the wrong person

If it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right

But I love being right

My dilemma

If I’m dreaming, don’t wake me

I clearly need the rest

Not ready to wake up

And face the world

And face reality

Wow I’m on fire

But this is fine

Everything is fine

I’m a lover and a fighter

Because I brought love to a fight

Even when I’m angry

I can’t help it

I can’t help who I am

I’m no angel

Just half of one

Cheer Down

Hard work doesn’t just build character

It can also tear it down

Talk the talk in public

Cry when alone

 

Every mistake treated like a failure

A wreck

Milestones delayed

 

Ringing alarm clock is a sucker punch

Pre-stressed about future stress

Simultaneously not trying enough

And trying too hard

 

My past and present selves

Constantly battle it out

To stand on the highest step

Cheering up is like finding an anchor

That can float

Loud

This is war and I don’t want it

I fight it

Hard to go to bed

Hard to get out of bed

 

Criticized

For every breath I take

Every move I make

Someone is always watching

Sometimes, I would like to be left alone

Even if I’m not busy

 

Voices in my head

In my ear

On my screen

Leave

Get out

Let me be

 

The city lights are pretty

Until they’re too bright

Then you get frightened

By shadows in corners

Crawling up the walls

Waiting for you to fall

So you can be returned to your pedestal

Where you know you don’t belong

Stripped Version

Above all,

I love myself to the core

I walked across an ocean

And swam through hot coals

To get to me

By the time you stop to stare,

I’ve already moved on

 

Think of me as a warrior

On rare occasions, you come out and say it

That’s what you expect me to be

And that’s what I became

At the time, for you

Now, I go all in and all out for me

 

Trying to take things one step at a time

When everything in life seems to happen all at once

There’s more to life than the pain

There are people who can function as support

When they’re not the problem

Stress is a driving and drowning force

However, my love is worth more

Seasons of high heart market value

 

I am strong, but it’s impossible to be strong all the time

And that’s okay

Health is a jigsaw puzzle

Love is a journey with an invisible end in sight

Autobiographical

Drawing a blank right now

Can’t constantly be creative on call

I plan to improvise

Be spontaneous to strategize

 

I am and am not broken

Can’t think of anything I’m infamous for

Yet, I still feel guilty

Even though I give selflessly

Must be the water sign in me

With a splash of anxiety

 

Not sure if tiredness being part of my personality

Was a natural occurrence

Or man made

Guess it was both

 

With how much I survive

From thinking and dreaming,

I was ready to start writing

Before I started speaking

 

I am love and passion intertwined

It Seems That I Still Have a Tear to Shed

Looking and feeling a little worse for wear

At least I got out of bed

I’m the main one concerned

Since I hide it all so well

Objectified by mirrors

 

Behind my exhausted eyes,

I’m dying inside

Clinging to whatever’s left of hope in life

Sober

But still a mess

 

I remind myself that I’m not alone

I’m not alone

Running away

Before I can get backed into a corner

 

I’ve accepted that I’m not okay

At least for the time being

Going through the stages of grief

In a matter of seconds- one of my many talents

 

A disaster today

A sane, functioning person tomorrow

What happens next is unpredictable

And now it’s cold and dark outside

Brain found its twin

I still have tears left to cry

 

I remind myself that I’m alive

I’m alive

Possibly not coping as well as I thought

 

This place- I don’t want to be here

I’m haunting me

Deprivation

Where do ashes land after the wind blows?

Broken dishes

Shattered hearts

The sleeping undead

Acrobatic arrows

Hitting their target

Every single time

I don’t know how to cope with reality

So I dip my brush in the abstract acrylics

And I don’t care if none of this makes sense

If I can put up with my traumatized nonsense

For my entire life

Then you can for a few minutes

 

Craving a getaway from everything

Because everything can be too much

My heart is soft, but rough to the touch

My pen brings a chaotic ambiance

Cursed in all of the best and worst ways

Like my life

Choking the life out of me

I know how to cope with darkness

But it never gets any easier

Are bloodstains emotionally permanent?