Cheer Down

Hard work doesn’t just build character

It can also tear it down

Talk the talk in public

Cry when alone


Every mistake treated like a failure

A wreck

Milestones delayed


Ringing alarm clock is a sucker punch

Pre-stressed about future stress

Simultaneously not trying enough

And trying too hard


My past and present selves

Constantly battle it out

To stand on the highest step

Cheering up is like finding an anchor

That can float


This is war and I don’t want it

I fight it

Hard to go to bed

Hard to get out of bed



For every breath I take

Every move I make

Someone is always watching

Sometimes, I would like to be left alone

Even if I’m not busy


Voices in my head

In my ear

On my screen


Get out

Let me be


The city lights are pretty

Until they’re too bright

Then you get frightened

By shadows in corners

Crawling up the walls

Waiting for you to fall

So you can be returned to your pedestal

Where you know you don’t belong

Stripped Version

Above all,

I love myself to the core

I walked across an ocean

And swam through hot coals

To get to me

By the time you stop to stare,

I’ve already moved on


Think of me as a warrior

On rare occasions, you come out and say it

That’s what you expect me to be

And that’s what I became

At the time, for you

Now, I go all in and all out for me


Trying to take things one step at a time

When everything in life seems to happen all at once

There’s more to life than the pain

There are people who can function as support

When they’re not the problem

Stress is a driving and drowning force

However, my love is worth more

Seasons of high heart market value


I am strong, but it’s impossible to be strong all the time

And that’s okay

Health is a jigsaw puzzle

Love is a journey with an invisible end in sight


Drawing a blank right now

Can’t constantly be creative on call

I plan to improvise

Be spontaneous to strategize


I am and am not broken

Can’t think of anything I’m infamous for

Yet, I still feel guilty

Even though I give selflessly

Must be the water sign in me

With a splash of anxiety


Not sure if tiredness being part of my personality

Was a natural occurrence

Or man made

Guess it was both


With how much I survive

From thinking and dreaming,

I was ready to start writing

Before I started speaking


I am love and passion intertwined

It Seems That I Still Have a Tear to Shed

Looking and feeling a little worse for wear

At least I got out of bed

I’m the main one concerned

Since I hide it all so well

Objectified by mirrors


Behind my exhausted eyes,

I’m dying inside

Clinging to whatever’s left of hope in life


But still a mess


I remind myself that I’m not alone

I’m not alone

Running away

Before I can get backed into a corner


I’ve accepted that I’m not okay

At least for the time being

Going through the stages of grief

In a matter of seconds- one of my many talents


A disaster today

A sane, functioning person tomorrow

What happens next is unpredictable

And now it’s cold and dark outside

Brain found its twin

I still have tears left to cry


I remind myself that I’m alive

I’m alive

Possibly not coping as well as I thought


This place- I don’t want to be here

I’m haunting me


Where do ashes land after the wind blows?

Broken dishes

Shattered hearts

The sleeping undead

Acrobatic arrows

Hitting their target

Every single time

I don’t know how to cope with reality

So I dip my brush in the abstract acrylics

And I don’t care if none of this makes sense

If I can put up with my traumatized nonsense

For my entire life

Then you can for a few minutes


Craving a getaway from everything

Because everything can be too much

My heart is soft, but rough to the touch

My pen brings a chaotic ambiance

Cursed in all of the best and worst ways

Like my life

Choking the life out of me

I know how to cope with darkness

But it never gets any easier

Are bloodstains emotionally permanent?

Disconnected Weather

Pressure building

Heartbeat inside my head

I didn’t pick up a pen for a few weeks

And now, everything hurts

And the door won’t shut

The little voice doesn’t want me to stay alone

She’s smashing every lock

Ripping through hinges

Like the empty page I should be filling

She screamed at me to let myself feel my feelings

To keep the roses

Even when they have thorns

What else were you born for

If not this?

Open doors

Open me

My soul is nocturnal

A switch got flipped

And my thoughts went feral

If I tried to slam that door,

Bones would break

It’s raining

But I don’t see a cloud in the sky

I can’t put my faith in a sunrise

It feels wrong

Is the best way to learn

To be right or wrong?

You see me

But you don’t see through me

She’s painting blood

On the cerebral walls

A constant reminder of the stains

That won’t wash out

Do I need a change of environment or climate?

Moments of Weakness

Strength in numbers until the numbers are overwhelming

You could be drenched in sweat

And I’d still run into your arms

I seldom follow my own advice

And have to keep re-learning lessons

Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out

And sometimes I feel like growing it out

Longing for shelter until it buries me


Too hot

Too cold

Deep in the goal of escaping anyone and anything narrow

It’s like the only time I truly embrace fear

Is when I embrace happiness

That “letting go” that everyone speaks of

I needed to take a break

To take a break from breaking


I don’t feel accomplished

But I do feel somewhat alive

That’s a head start in my tired, ocean eyes

Pull me out of my own head

I’d prefer to drown in anything else right now

Even if it’s you and you can’t stay


I’ve got everybody fooled

Until I can’t take it anymore

That’s what inner strength is for

Stretching the truth until you understand the whole truth


I recognize my reflection

The smile pushes through the desert

I’m still falling

My feet just want to land, but there’s no solid ground


My insides are always changing

While my outsides pretty much stay the same

How would anyone know that I was sad

Unless I said so?

Escaped from an escape to create some semblance of home

I need to love myself like I mean it

Everyone only shows you what they want you to see

Or at least what they want you to believe


My thoughts tend to overpower my voice

I wish I could manage this construct we call time

But I can’t because I’m human

It’s easier to run out of control

A juxtaposition of supply and demand


I have myself

When I’m okay

I have myself

I am okay

For the time being

Don’t think like that

I will be okay


I’m a wanderer

Just as much as I crave normality

Break me down like an esteemed literary work

I’m bored

I’m excited

So much I want to do

So much I’m not sure how I’m going to do

Leave me alone and help me


At least I’ve got you

You deal with it too

You understand

That’s also a con

Because you won’t always be there

Correction: you’re always here

But not always on time

Don’t you just love loving someone?

Take the “F” Out of “Life”

You need a job?

Well, experience is required for experience

You need free time?

Too bad because “time is money”

Control is out of control

I’m tired of repetitive hypocrisy

I’m tired of being tired

Expectations are boring

Common sense is a rarity

Respect is expensive


I’m no angel, but I’m definitely not evil

I know that much for sure

I’m not crazy about my complicated existence

But I would go crazy if it were always simple


If you need me, you don’t act like it

But honestly, I’m better off healthy

Keeping my distance from those who love with pernicious undertones

Better late than never

I procrastinate until I have no choice

But to overwork myself or fail

Both effects are inevitable

I’m okay now

But everyone wants to get higher

The ultimate fantasy is made up of millions

Of smaller fantasies, larger numbers, and multiple steps


Drowning out the negative voices

Inside and outside of my head

And amplifying the uplifting ones

A daily struggle

Heart’s homeostasis

Going through metamorphosis

What’s real that isn’t ruled by fear?

Who really wants to live a li[f]e?