Almost Hopeless

I wish I didn’t feel so alone in my dreams

Every time I gain, I lose

And every time I lose, I gain

Tossing bouquets over the bridge

To bloom again

 

Who am I?

Who will I become?

 

I wish I could walk into your heart

And somehow match the beat with mine

To love both of us enough

I wish I could be closer to you

And somehow take solace in your mind

We could each make up for what the other lacks

 

You want to avoid it

But not because you’re afraid of change

Am I inconvenient

Or are we in the wrong time and place?

 

Stuck in the elevator

That appears to go nowhere

Until there’s a fire

To drive everybody out

 

I can feel your rainbow

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Jealousy is a homewrecker and proud

It’s also a natural human emotion

When everyone’s dreams keep living

While yours keep dying

Planting new seeds

Hoping some potential can be spared

 

Everything is on sale

Except the sale itself

Can’t be happy in the sky

Or on the ground

If you’re not happy at all

I’m not talking about me

Or am I?

 

Flowers speak a love language

The moon suddenly smiled brighter than the sun

Almost like a flicker of hope

Glass slippers never alone together

Many worlds in one room

 

It was never my intention

To let my life pass me by

Sometimes, it just happens

Lost inside myself

Safe inside myself

Torrential rain won’t stop me

Don’t look at me like that

 

More than a percentage

More than a label

More than a dream

More than you and your vultures

 

Sad pages come before revelations

It is what it is

Existence is a dichotomy

It’s finally starting to make sense

Problem Solving

What does the life of future me look like?

If I don’t even know,

Then neither does anyone else

I found my mind, but it’s heavy

 

Slippery slope shot and missed

Death is dead

I don’t feel like I won anything

 

If I said that I’m not fine,

Don’t tell me that I am

Please don’t lie to me

Because you wouldn’t if you gave a damn

 

There are too many people that feel like this

That live like this

A fix is not a cure

Goodbyes are hard

Whether dragged out or cut short

No longer ignored

At the same time, has gotten worse

 

You’re listening, but you don’t hear us

You care, but not until it’s too late

You hear us, but you’re not listening

Broken and alone, we carry the weight

Our well-being is not a burden

Fragmented

I can still make you smile

And I can’t stop missing you

Took a trip through your galaxy

And there’s still more to uncover

 

I see the real you

I wish you could see

More of the real me

It’s a good and bad time

Our hearts are stuck in limbo

 

Falling in love

Just to fall apart

Not alone in loneliness

Drifting further down the river

Peacefully

Until we shatter on the rocks

We could put each other back together

If we wanted to

 

Almost asking-

Begging

For another heartbreak

There is love here

Somewhere

 

You walk away and let me in

I push you away and open my heart

Patterns or survival?

I want to be in your arms again

But I don’t want to fall onto my knees again

I know my worth

If only you did

 

If it’s meant to be,

Then it will be

If you wanted and needed me,

Then you would show and tell me

For right now, you would just break my heart

And eat it too

 

 

No Faith in Immortality

I tried to warn you

But you wouldn’t listen

This is part of who I am

You judged me all wrong

Caverns cave in

 

You can’t live my life for me

Or live vicariously through me

No matter how much you may want to

When I’m ready to go,

Let me go

Light and darkness spinning inside me

Vertigo dance of the broken healer

 

I don’t want to live forever

But my soul does

I don’t want to die

But sometimes I do

What’s a birth

Without a rebirth?

 

My dreams haven’t changed

They’ve been amended

To make me happier

And feel more possible

Gray

Ghost wandering the halls

She thought she knew herself

Falls asleep only when it’s too late

To rest

Couldn’t choose a lucky star

So every night, she thanks all of them

Doesn’t want to be normal or abnormal

Just trying to stay alive

When it seems like her mind and body want her dead

 

Warmth feels cold

She’d give anything to feel anything else

Continues to put others before herself

Nobody ever warned her

That having too much of a kind heart could be bad for her health

 

Goddess watering the garden

Where everything struggles to grow

Yet, she still has hope

Driven to sobbing heaps on the ground

Screaming inside her head

Until she has a headache

That sticks around

Seeing the dark sides of nursery rhymes

And her buried childhood

 

Awake inside a bittersweet dream again

Feel something, feel something, feel something

No, not that

Please

Not that

Jumping in and out of earthquake ruptures

Holding scar tissue’s hand

They told her to carry on

Where are they now?

She needs help, but doesn’t want it

 

Her life is a beautiful, vicious cycle

You might see her ghost wandering the halls

Free Lilith

If you let go

Of all that you claim to know

Then you’d have the epiphany

That you know nothing

And there are miracles on the outskirts

Of your white picket fences

 

They put us in boxes

But we come in too many shapes and sizes to fit

They locked us in cages

But we stole the keys

And swallowed them to feed ourselves

Then proceeded to dream the dreams

That no cage can hold

 

You love having the power and prowess

To make us bleed

Yet, hate when we do it naturally

You prefer “natural beauty”

Then throw it away for plastic

You prefer plastic

Then complain about it not being natural enough

These are our bodies

And we are not dolls

 

You’re at your pulpit preaching

That your rib made us

However, didn’t you grow inside us?

Side note: that’s our choice too

 

Fire and ice

Light and dark

Saints and sinners

Masculine, feminine- it makes no difference

 

One arm is a list of targets for revenge

One arm is an olive branch

The angel and devil shoulders

Went out of style

Happy in Heaven and Hell

So, I’d rather listen to my intuition

We will fly, fall, and try again

You’re not perfect either