It’s Getting Dark

Once I’m in, all I want is out

I’ll never be the same

But I saw the opportunity and took it

Vampire bites and dreams of games

That are constantly played in real life

Little did my inner child know

Forced pity makes me sick

I don’t need it from you if it’s nothing more than a requirement

 

I think a part of me is scared to achieve

Because it could be taken from me

I know I should be living for myself

So, don’t abuse my love because I still need to use it

 

I join to avoid

It’s no problem

The air is getting heated

We have to suffocate to enjoy the party

They took the red pill and they took the blue

I cried in the bathroom and took the purple

It’s all uphill from here

Because I’ve already been down

Time to be more alone than feel it

 

Caught in the pouring rain

With no idea what kind of moment to have

To let it be depressing

To come alive

Or ignore it

Just another rainy day or night

A member of too many cliques to count

And every single one has a loose screw

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Anything that’s an escape from this arduous life

Has the potential to be a love of my life

Cruelty is limiting the freedom that brings pure happiness

Setting alarms deserves a do-over

Feeling a little vengeful and unhinged

On the weekends

 

Let’s make a plan and deviate from it entirely

Gamble with time at a casino where nobody wins or loses

 

What we do for fun brings rainbows to our heartbeats

Dancing and laughing through the streets

All the way home

The most intense pain arrives when it’s over

 

What if everybody was a leader?

Would the world be saved or end quicker?

Every group is outnumbered

Yet, there’s a sense of peace

Your life could be the number one movie in America someday

Imagine that

Autopsy

I returned from a war that never ends

Fighting a losing battle that I sometimes win

I want to be known, but invisible

Don’t say my name, but also do

My heart screams to the heavens

From the underworld

Raised to appreciate the spotlight and attention

But I need time to withdraw to survive

 

Confidence is my question that has no answer

“Just do this, just do that”

”Just be this, just be that”

”Just say this, just say that”

Listen, you can’t just throw me into open season

I am bold on my own terms

 

Shy to sassy like flicking a light switch

Writing mental prescriptions for adrenaline and sedatives

Naked in the sky with diamonds

Then, running to hide behind the next lunar eclipse

I’m not ready until I say so

But as soon as I am, you’ve got a big storm coming

 

An affinity for morbid humor and a habit of biting my tongue

A vice of a desire to hurt and a longing to heal

I’d rather cry every day than feel numb

I’m not afraid to be open anymore

Not completely unafraid though

But I’ll make it work

Moments of Weakness

Strength in numbers until the numbers are overwhelming

You could be drenched in sweat

And I’d still run into your arms

I seldom follow my own advice

And have to keep re-learning lessons

Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out

And sometimes I feel like growing it out

Longing for shelter until it buries me

 

Too hot

Too cold

Deep in the goal of escaping anyone and anything narrow

It’s like the only time I truly embrace fear

Is when I embrace happiness

That “letting go” that everyone speaks of

I needed to take a break

To take a break from breaking

 

I don’t feel accomplished

But I do feel somewhat alive

That’s a head start in my tired, ocean eyes

Pull me out of my own head

I’d prefer to drown in anything else right now

Even if it’s you and you can’t stay

 

I’ve got everybody fooled

Until I can’t take it anymore

That’s what inner strength is for

Stretching the truth until you understand the whole truth

 

I recognize my reflection

The smile pushes through the desert

I’m still falling

My feet just want to land, but there’s no solid ground

Individual Plus One

It’s a slow burn

That’s about to go up in flames

I’d walk through fire for that creative misery

 

Habitual in our insecurity and confidence

Can’t sleep without remembering

But I’ll sleep alone

Until I can sleep next to you

 

You dream at high speeds

I can keep up from right here for hours on end

 

Your energy is like breaking glass

And dancing on the shards with a smile

Surprisingly, I relate

Because I’m a summer ballerina

With a penchant for dancing in the dark

 

All of our friends are either wasted

Or passed out from exhaustion

We’re still awake, even though we’re tired too

Tonight is a brand new day

Online anger has no place

In our personal space

 

You’re all about me and I’m all about you

 

My head is in the clouds the majority of the time

It keeps me down to earth

When everyone else hates gravity

I remind me of you

You’re my best friend who I’ve never met

Maybe, hopefully, we just haven’t met yet

 

Single goals make for double trouble

We like it like that

Sailing a rainbow bloodstream

If we have to die, we’re going to die happy

Mission decided

Chameleon-type fashion, but make it love

 

Knight in rusted armor and with a free mind

Princess ditched her crown for freedom

Plot Twist

She seems easy to impress

Is that why you halfheartedly decided to shoot your shot

And it happened to work out?

I was impressed by everything you did too, but what for?

 

She glows by sunlight

Just like you

I glow by moonlight

Guess neither of you can handle the truth

 

What a coincidence

That you can put “poison” in front of her name

And it would make sense

I see a repeat of history in your future

She seems to adore the spotlight attached to your name

 

Maybe I am jealous

But I’m also hurt and betrayed

Sure, I’ll fully get over it someday

But why should I stay silent in the shadows

For your comfort?

 

You lied

In exchange for my honesty

She may have known you for a long time

But I’ve known you longer

We were growing until you started shrinking

You take me all the way to nothing

Because fuck my feelings

 

You can still be a muse

But you won’t catch me wasting any more love poems on you

I never wanted to feel this way

I saw the good in you all the time

Turns out I only paid attention to the good

And when you made your choice behind my back,

I got sunburned

I’m not wrong unless by some miracle, you prove otherwise

And last at least a year together

She can paraphrase what you literally just said

And you see art

I could’ve opened the doors to new dimensions for you

You’re not as deep as you think you are

Keeping my distance so that you’ll have no control over me

My broken heart will also leave a trail of blood

You’ll never have the guts to forget me

I’ll take over the world by storm

Better than you

 

I doubt you’ll even read this

You’re always busy, which translates to self-involved

And if by chance, you are reading this

It’s too late

The plot twist is you didn’t save my life

I did

Fuck your pride

Legendary

What day is it?

They’re all starting to bleed together

I like growing my bangs out

So that they can’t see me cry

They hate it when I cry

It’s a painful sight

Imagine how I feel

 

Why hit me with your best shot

When you could just try not to hit me

I’m not who I used to be

I am unapologetically me

This hurts, but I know it will be worthwhile

I’ve been washed away

That’s when I found the sweetest shore

The needle in the haystack got swallowed by my heart

I can’t dance without tears in my eyes

 

How am I?

How am I?

How am I not insane?

All work and no play

Nearly killed me

All play and no work

Also nearly killed me

 

Awake and asleep at the same time

What time is it?

That’s dominated so much of my life

That it barely matters anymore

Am I starting to deteriorate again?

I swear that I didn’t mean to

 

I’m always at my best

After I fall apart

Why is that?